How To Talk To A Guy You Like The Easy Way

Medically reviewed by Paige Henry
Updated March 4, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

It can be difficult to approach a guy you feel attracted to, particularly if you don’t know him well. However, it can be helpful not to have any expectations, as well as to be yourself and be confident. Asking them about themselves can be an excellent way to get the conversation going, and showing eye contact can express your interest. In most cases, it can be best to take things slowly and do your best to manage any feelings of nervousness or anxiety that may arise. If you notice that symptoms of social anxiety seem to be interfering in your life and keeping you from interacting with others, you may benefit from working with a licensed therapist online or in person. 

Tips for talking to someone you like

Note: Although this article discusses talking to a man, the information here can apply to people of all genders.

Tip #1: Avoid expectations

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When you're preparing to talk to a guy you're interested in, are you afraid you’re going to say something wrong? Do you have a specific vision of how the conversation will go? It can be understandable to want to make a good impression. However, going in with expectations can make it hard to have an organic, enjoyable conversation.

While having a good plan can help, try to avoid having a set, preconceived idea of how the interaction will go. This can help you stay flexible during the conversation if things change or don't go as planned. When we create a scenario of how things should go, we can become disappointed if the reality is different than we had hoped.

For example, you may imagine that the person you’re approaching is an outgoing, gregarious guy who will want to carry on a long conversation. In reality, you may find that he’s shy and reserved, which could throw you off. In the above situation, coming in without set expectations can make it easier to react and create a more relaxed atmosphere for your conversation. 

Tip #2: Be confident

As you approach a guy you’re interested in, try to remember that you bring a lot to the table and are worth getting to know. Many people find confidence attractive, so maintaining a self-assured attitude while you talk to your crush can be helpful. You can do this by stating your opinions clearly, talking about yourself in positive terms, and speaking steadily. You can also project confidence through your body language. Try to relax your shoulders, keep a level gaze, and point your feet toward your crush.

Tip #3: Be yourself

You've probably heard this advice repeatedly, yet many people focus on projecting an ideal version of themselves to the person they like. This can make conversation less authentic, though, and may lead to expectations that are hard to fulfill. When you are being your authentic self, you can find out whether you and the person you’re attracted to may truly be a good fit. 

If you love to go dancing and attend concerts, but the guy you are interested in only likes to stay home, this may not work for you in the long term. Honesty can help you avoid misleading your crush and allow you to show him who you really are. 

Tip #4: Ask about his interests

During your first conversation, consider asking him about himself. Most people enjoy getting a chance to talk about their interests. This tactic can play double duty: It generally shows that you’re interested in his life, and it may also allow you to find out more about him and whether you would be compatible. This can also be a good opportunity for you to find common ground. 

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Tip #5: Manage feelings of anxiety

One common reason people have trouble approaching those they like can be nervousness or anxiety surrounding social situations. In some cases, this can be a sign of a mental health condition like social anxiety disorder. Anxiety can cause serious mental and physical symptoms that often make it hard to converse comfortably. 

If you experience anxiety when talking to someone you like, there can be some effective strategies for managing it in the short term. Prior to approaching someone, try to relax your shoulders, take deep breaths, and think about what you’re going to say (along with possible topics you can bring up when necessary). In the long run, you can practice having conversations with friends you feel comfortable around. You can also talk to a mental health professional who can help you develop your communication skills and manage symptoms of a potential anxiety disorder. 

Tip #6: Maintain eye contact

Looking a guy in the eye as you talk to him can show that you’re confident, present, and interested in what he has to say. While you’re speaking and listening, try to meet his gaze. Research shows that the proper amount of time to maintain eye contact is usually around three seconds. Experts typically suggest that you make eye contact about half the time you’re speaking and just over half the time you’re listening. Eye contact is often thought to be an important part of attraction, and it can show that you’re engaged in the conversation.

Tip #7: Take it slow

As you start interacting with the person you’re interested in, try to keep it simple. Consider giving him a compliment or asking him how his day went. When we like someone, it can be tempting to interact with them as much as possible. Some people may not want to rush into things, though. Therefore, as you talk to your crush, you may want to look for signs that indicate what he’s looking for romance-wise. 

If he texts you often to check in or otherwise reaches out frequently, he may want to get closer early on. If, however, he mentions that he’s recently gotten out of a relationship or you notice he is a bit more guarded, it may be a good idea to give him some space. Either way, a good rule of thumb is to take things slowly.

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Benefits of online therapy

If you’re already unsure in social situations, face-to-face therapy might seem like an uncomfortable prospect. With online therapy, you’ll generally have the ability to connect and talk with a licensed therapist from the comfort of your home through video call, voice call, or online chat. The qualified mental health professionals at BetterHelp have helped many people navigate potentially complicated social situations, like dating and falling in love, and address feelings like nervousness and fear. 

Effectiveness of online therapy

According to a 2022 study that investigated the effectiveness of internet-delivered cognitive therapy for social anxiety disorder, online therapy generally displayed strong efficacy. Researchers noted that this type of treatment “significantly reduced social anxiety symptoms,” with 86% of participants demonstrating remission from social anxiety disorder. 

Keep reading to see how BetterHelp therapists have helped others address similar concerns.

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"When I first started seeing Vanessa, I was very nervous, scared to death even. Yet in such a short time, I learned I could tell my feelings and thoughts without doubting myself or others. I'll forever be grateful for Venessa and her empathy, and words of wisdom. I look forward now to the next chapter in my life and I have her to thank for it. She is a saint. May god bless her and her family."

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"Lori is so friendly and kind. She puts me at ease quickly and I feel comfortable speaking to her. I would recommend her to anyone who is a bit shy or nervous and needs a gentle touch."

Takeaway

Approaching a new person and starting a conversation can be daunting. Try to simply be yourself and display confidence. It can be ideal not to go into the situation with any preconceived expectations, but to ask questions and use eye contact to show your interest. If you would like additional support and guidance, a licensed therapist can help you develop your communication skills, manage anxiety, and address challenges that may make social interaction difficult. Working with a professional can be a proactive step toward great conversations and improved emotional well-being.
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