How To Respond When Your Partner Ignores You
Being ignored usually doesn’t feel good, particularly when it’s your significant other who is ignoring you. If your partner fails to answer your texts, you might consider whether they could be busy. If they ignore you in person, you might question whether they could simply be distracted or upset, or if they could be intentionally giving you the silent treatment. In most cases, opening a conversation about communication and expectations can be helpful. You may also consider attending individual or couples therapy online or in person to address any underlying issues that may be contributing to this behavior.
Note: Although this article refers to a partner, the information here can be applied to people of any gender.
When your partner ignores your texts
If your significant other hasn’t been answering your texts, it can be best to take a breath and allow yourself to calm down for a moment. It can be natural to start worrying or let anxiety take over if you haven't heard from your partner right away. However, you may also want to make sure that you're reasonable in your assessment about what constitutes a fair amount of time in which to expect a reply. There may be many valid reasons why your partner hasn’t immediately responded to your texts.
Additionally, individuals in a healthy relationship may sometimes need a little space or time for their interests, and it doesn't necessarily indicate that anything is wrong. When you are in a partnership with someone, whether it be a new relationship or a long-term marriage, you must usually remember that while you are merging your lives, you are also two individuals who may need physical and emotional space at times.
If your texts go ignored on a consistent basis, then it may be worth addressing with your partner. In this case, you might choose a time when you are calm to discuss with your significant other in person how it makes you feel when you send a text, and they don’t respond for a long time.
It can be helpful to discuss what each of you feels are reasonable lengths of time in which to expect a response. Be sure to allow your partner to explain their reasoning, and don't automatically assume that because you have different ideas about communication, they don’t care about you. Try to meet somewhere in the middle, if possible, where your partner tries their best to respond more frequently, while you work on managing your expectations and not expecting the worst if they don’t respond as fast as you'd like.
When your partner ignores you in person
Being ignored in person can also be referred to as the silent treatment. It may just be that your partner doesn't say anything to you unless you specifically address them first. If this is the case, you may want to be honest that you’d like them to express interest by starting the conversation more frequently. Something as simple as asking how your day went can go a long way.
Distractions
Distractions may also be a big reason why you aren't feeling heard. In general, we live in a world where technology rules. Consider how many times you’ve seen a couple sitting down at a restaurant and barely speaking to each other because they are too busy on their phones. If you notice that your partner is on their phone, playing a video game, or busy with some other task, you might ask them if they can please stop what they’re doing for a moment to speak to you. If they tell you it's not a good time, it might help to make frequent dates each week when you can check in with each other.
Miscommunication
Sometimes, in these situations, your partner may not even realize that you feel ignored. We tend to believe that after a certain amount of time, our partners should be able to anticipate our needs, but that's not always the case. It’s likely you may need to verbalize what you need instead of hoping that your partner will be able to read your mind. If you believe you aren’t communicating enough, the best thing to do may be to approach them calmly, because if you haven't talked to them about this in the past, it might come as a shock that you've been holding this inside for some time.
During this time, you can talk about what you both feel are reasonable expectations for communication. Be honest about your desire for more attention and discuss ways to communicate more often. Keep in mind that it usually takes time for people to develop new habits, so don't be discouraged or think that your relationship can't be improved if you do not see the kind of results you want immediately. If, despite continued efforts, you don't see the kind of change that you feel is acceptable, you may want to think about whether your partner is a good match for you.
Other emotions
Is your partner not responding because they’re angry or hurt about something? If so, now may be the time to determine how you can work on the issue that started this silent treatment. You may still be honest that their reaction hurt your feelings and was not helpful or healthy while also trying to focus on how you can help them heal.
Mistreatment
Intentionally giving you the silent treatment can constitute a form of abuse. If your partner is purposely ignoring you or treating you as if you don’t exist, please know that you deserve respect and healthy communication. It may be best to leave the relationship, especially if you’ve noticed other signs of abuse.
If you or a loved one is witnessing or experiencing any form of abuse, please know that help is available. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline anytime at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
Seeking support
After trying these tips, if your partner is still ignoring you, you may want to seek assistance from a couples therapist to help you work on your communication skills. You may also consider working with an individual therapist who can help you work through any challenges that may be contributing to the struggles you're experiencing in your relationship.
Benefits of online therapy
BetterHelp can match you with a licensed individual or couples therapist who can help you address these situations. You can schedule sessions at a time that’s convenient for you, and those sessions can take place anywhere there's an internet connection. There’s generally no need to figure out transportation, which may be helpful if you’re trying to coordinate both your own and your partner’s schedules.
Effectiveness of online therapy
A 2022 study investigating the effectiveness of online couples therapy noted that the “results indicated improvements in relationship satisfaction, mental health, and all other outcome scores over time, which did not differ based on condition.” It also generally recommended further use of online interventions for couples.
Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people experiencing similar issues.
Counselor reviews
"Cameron has helped me navigate some incredibly challenging things within my relationship. With his help I’ve developed confidence to be a more assertive person. Therapy has helped me understand myself and my partner much better, in addition to implementing practices and taking action to improve a situation whereas I otherwise may feel stuck or hopeless. I really loved that he took the time to get to know me and my history before trying to “tell me what to do.” I feel like he really understands how my mind operates and therefore can give great, valuable advice, in addition to being a comforting sounding board."
"Libby has been wonderful in guiding me and my partner through our difficulties and listening and providing feedback or asking questions that allow us to move forward and work through our differences. We really appreciate her and her work and for taking the time to help us."
Takeaway
What to do if your partner ignores you?
There can be a few different possible reasons that your partner is ignoring you, and having an open and honest conversation about how feeling ignored is affecting you is usually the only way to find out what it is. You might approach your partner calmly and speak honestly about your concerns, taking care to use “I statements” to avoid being accusatory and to engage in active listening when he speaks.
What to say to your partner when he ignores you?
Calmly asking your partner for the reason behind his behavior and then listening with a true intent to understand can be a helpful way to move forward when feeling ignored. If talking about it with the intent to find common ground doesn’t work, it could be that your partner is having difficulty expressing their thoughts or feelings due to stress, confusion, or other personal issues, to name a few common reasons. In a case like this, it could be helpful to encourage them to try writing out their feelings instead or working with a therapist to uncover any underlying problems. In the long run, consistently getting the cold shoulder from someone in their life is a deal breaker for most people, so getting to the bottom of the issue can be key to a healthy relationship going forward.
How to hurt him when he ignores you?
Retaliation is generally not a productive, fair, or safe way to handle conflict in relationships. Instead, you might try calmly and openly speaking to the guy, friends, family member, or partner who is ignoring you in an effort to express how this behavior makes you feel and the many messages it sends you about where they’re at. If they continue to ignore you after you’ve shared your message, it could be that this relationship is not a healthy one and you may want to consider leaving.
Why is he purposely ignoring me?
If someone is ignoring you on purpose, they may be experiencing difficult emotions that they’re having trouble expressing or handling. For example, someone who is experiencing high levels of stress may resort to ignoring a partner they don’t have the capacity to engage with. The same could happen with someone who is upset with their partner for some reason but isn’t able to calmly articulate it. Showing your partner that you simply want to understand where they’re coming from by initiating a calm, supportive conversation about the issue could be helpful.
Should I leave him if he ignores me?
Feeling ignored is generally a sign of a problem in a relationship. Speaking to your partner about their behavior and how it’s making you feel can be a helpful first step. If they’re not responsive to your efforts or seem uninterested in making a change for your comfort and emotional well-being, it could be time to consider exiting the relationship.
How do you respond to being ignored?
Someone who is ignoring you may need space before they’re ready to talk, so it could help to grant them this. Eventually, however, you’ll need to come together to discuss the behavior and how it’s affecting you. Approaching this conversation with calm and the intent to understand is generally helpful.
Should I ignore my partner if he ignores me?
It’s not usually helpful to resort to retaliation if you’re feeling ignored in a relationship. While it could be useful to give your partner some space to handle whatever emotions they may be feeling that are causing this behavior, it will generally be necessary to have an honest conversation about it at some point.
How do you deal with a partner who doesn't communicate?
Communication is typically a key, foundational element of relationships of all kinds, so it’s certainly worth addressing if your partner is unable to communicate with you. You could see a couples counselor and/or suggest he meet with an individual therapist. You could also work on cultivating a safe, calm, nonjudgmental space in which you can both openly share your feelings. Examples of ways to do this could include each preparing notes on what you want to say ahead of time if it’s helpful, practicing active listening, speaking in “I statements,” and taking breaks if emotions begin to run high.
How do you make him realize he is losing you?
If you’re feeling like you’re drifting away from your partner emotionally, it’s usually best to let him know how you feel. It could be that he doesn’t realize his behavior is driving you away, or that he’s experiencing feelings about you or the relationship that he’s not sharing. Whatever the cause, direct communication is generally the recommended course of action in this case.
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