Why Do I Get So Angry? How To Control Your Emotions
Anger is a normal human emotion that can be healthy, prompting individuals to set boundaries and safeguard themselves. However, excessive, frequent anger can lead to serious complications, potentially including career challenges, mental and physical health concerns, and relationship conflicts. Anger is usually a secondary emotion that can occur when a potential threat is perceived.
Several ways to manage feeling angry all the time can include breathing exercises, yoga, journaling, affirmations, and mindfulness. Creating a morning routine that incorporates many of these elements can be an excellent way to keep anger in check as well. You may also wish to work with a licensed therapist in person or online to identify the root of your anger and address it effectively.
This article explores what anger issues might look like and strategies that may aid individuals in anger management. We’ll also discuss how to seek medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment for mental health conditions that are related to anger.
Why do I get so angry? Understanding potential triggers
Often, anger is a reaction to perceived threats to our safety, livelihood, or peace of mind. While people can have an array of triggers, anger frequently arises as a secondary emotion that follows a different initial emotion. Fear, stress, sadness, embarrassment, and a range of other feelings can lead to anger.
For example, if you’re angry because someone cut you off in traffic, you may have first been scared for your safety. In another situation, you may get mad that a coworker made a mistake that could cause you to miss out on a bonus. In these scenarios, there may have been a perceived threat (to physical health or your livelihood) that evoked a primary emotion (fear or stress), which then led to anger.
Other people can experience mental health conditions that may lead to anger, such as depression, bipolar disorder, intermittent explosive disorder, or anxiety. For example, intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED) is characterized by recurrent episodes of sudden, intense, and disproportionate anger or aggression, often leading to verbal outbursts or physical aggression. Physical health concerns like illness, chronic pain, and lack of sleep can also lead to or exacerbate feelings of anger.
Some people experience problematic anger due to the example set by their caregivers. Being raised in a home in which excessive anger was a common reaction to challenges can cause an individual to react the same way as their caregiver would. Similarly, an adult’s interactions with family members, romantic partners, friends, and coworkers can affect their anger levels.
How to manage anger
As you start to recognize potential sources of anger in your life, you can develop a strategy for avoiding anger-inducing situations. While this can limit instances of anger, it can still be important to know how to manage your emotions when you become angry. The following strategies can promote calm, relaxation, and emotional wellness.
Mindfulness
Research suggests that meditation can decrease anger levels, even in those who do not meditate regularly. Mindfulness is generally a form of meditation meant to help the individual be more present so that they become aware of their own thoughts and feelings, as well as their surroundings. This heightened level of awareness can help you identify thoughts and feelings that may lead to anger and address them.
To practice mindfulness, find a quiet place to sit or lie down. Start by breathing deeply and paying attention to your feelings. Are you happy? Bored? Energized? Bring your attention to your thoughts, letting them pass without judging them. Take note of your surroundings as well, including any sights, sounds, smells, or textures you experience.
You can practice mindfulness meditation almost anywhere, which can make it a versatile coping strategy for anger. Mindfulness can help you limit distractions, quiet your mind, and recognize potential sources of anger before they occur.
Affirmations
Soothing thoughts can help you alleviate anger. In a study of adults in the US, researchers found that those who practiced self-affirmation experienced increases in feelings of contentment and optimism, as well as decreases in anger and sadness.
When you’re feeling angry, reading or reciting affirmations may remind you of your ability to manage your emotions. Here are some examples of soothing thoughts:
"I can stay calm. Just breathe."
"Everything is going to be okay."
"I don't have to act on this anger."
"I'm in control. I can choose to be calm."
"This will pass in a moment."
"I'm only in control of how I react."
Journaling
Journaling about situations that upset you, how you felt, and what you can do to find calm can help you get ahead of problematic anger. This strategy for managing anger is sometimes called “coping ahead.” Journaling can help you remain self-aware, and it may provide a healthy outlet for your emotions.
There can be many ways to journal. You might benefit from starting your day by writing down how you feel. If ruminative thoughts keep you awake, it may be better to journal before bed. If you can, try to carry a small notebook around and write down what happened in moments when you struggle to manage your anger. This can provide you with a record that you can reference, which may help you recognize specific situations that may be likely to provoke anger.
Yoga
Research suggests that yoga can reduce feelings of anger. Not only can yoga be a form of physical activity, which is often a useful strategy for managing anger in itself, but it can also be used as a form of meditation. You don’t necessarily have to join a yoga studio or take in-person classes, either. Consider getting a yoga mat and researching some basic poses that involve stretching, strength, and balance.
The benefits of yoga can include learning to breathe, be still, and practice mindfulness, all of which can promote calmness and relaxation. Many poses are adaptable, allowing the participant to perform modified poses or even use a chair, so people of all ages and fitness levels can practice them.
Morning routine
A morning regimen can help you tend to your physical and mental health (cortisol levels, which can lead to stress, are typically high in the morning) and prepare for the day. If you have trouble getting ready in the morning, you may feel hurried and irritated before leaving home. Starting your morning on the right foot can have a significant impact on your mood throughout the rest of the day.
For your morning routine, consider journaling, spending time outside, reading affirmations, exercising, or listening to uplifting music. Your routine can also involve drinking a glass of water, having a cup of coffee, eating a healthy breakfast, turning off screens, and practicing meditation. By developing a regular routine, you can build healthy habits that may help prevent unwanted anger.
Breathing exercises
The next time you’re feeling angry, try to check in with your breath. Often, anger can cause us to experience shallow or rapid breathing. This can exacerbate anger, potentially causing us to become more tense and less able to control our emotions. Breathing exercises can help you control your body and relax. They may also allow you to focus on a physiological process instead of the challenges that are causing the anger.
One easy breathing exercise may be box breathing. To practice box breathing, you can inhale for a four-count, hold your breath for a four-count, exhale for a four-count, and hold your breath again for a four-count. It can be best to repeat this process three to four times.
Therapy
A mental health professional can provide you with useful insights into potential sources of your anger and give you the tools to manage it on your own. A therapist may be able to identify triggers that you hadn’t considered. For example, they may help you realize that talking to certain family members often makes you feel stressed and angry. They can act as an outlet for you to express these emotions, which may help you process and cope with them. A therapist can also help you manage symptoms of mental health conditions that could lead to unhealthy expressions of anger.
Benefits of online therapy
Online therapy may be available if you’re struggling to manage anger or experiencing similar mental health-related concerns.
Asking an online therapist, “Why do I get so angry?”
With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can participate in therapy remotely through video call, voice call, or in-app messaging, which can help you avoid potentially anger-inducing situations like commuting to a therapist’s office or missing lunch to make an appointment. You may also be able to reach out to your therapist outside of sessions. If you notice a certain situation leads to increased anger, you can message your therapist about it, and they may respond when they’re able.
Efficacy of online therapy in helping participants manage stress and challenging emotions
Research suggests that online therapy can reduce unwanted feelings and behavior related to anger. In a study on the efficacy of online therapy for problematic anger, researchers found that treatment generally led to significant reductions in anger levels. Specifically, the study found that online therapy could help participants reduce aggression and ruminative thoughts while improving their ability to express anger in a healthy way.
Takeaway
Why do I struggle to control my anger?
Often, anger is a reaction to perceived threats to our safety, livelihood, or peace of mind. While people can react in different ways to threatening behavior, anger frequently arises as a secondary emotion that follows a different initial emotion. For example, fear, stress, sadness, and embarrassment can all lead to feeling anger.
In other cases, people may be living with mental health conditions that can trigger anger, such as depression, intermittent explosive disorder, or anxiety. Physical health concerns like illness, chronic pain, and lack of sleep can also lead to, or exacerbate, angry feelings.
Additionally, some people may experience frequent anger due to the example set by their caregivers. Being raised in a home in which excessive anger was a common reaction to challenges can cause an individual to react the same way as their caregiver would. Similarly, an adult’s interactions with family members, romantic partners, friends, and coworkers can affect their anger levels.
How do I manage my anger?
As you start to recognize potential sources of anger in your life, you can develop a strategy for avoiding anger-inducing situations and perhaps even ignoring people who cause you distress. While this can limit instances of anger, it can also be helpful to know how to manage your emotions if you do get angry. Here are some strategies you need to know:
Strategies to help you control your anger
- Mindfulness
- Affirmations
- Journaling
- Yoga
- Routines
- Therapy
Why are my emotions so intense when I am angry?
Violent behavior is one of many ways people express anger and attempt to control challenging experiences in their daily life, their past, or the world around them. This violent behavior can be aimed at others or at oneself, and may be the result of various circumstances, including:
- Childhood upbringing such as witnessing domestic violence or watching people act violently around them
- Negative and upsetting past experiences such adverse child events or a family history of mental illness
- Frustrating and challenging current circumstances such as being treated unfairly or feeling powerless
- Mental health disorders such as intermittent explosive disorder
Is anger a mental illness?
Anger isn’t considered a mental illness and does not appear in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). Anger is an instinctive human response to feeling threatened; however, it can become a problem if one’s actions in response to anger, or uncontrolled anger leads to negative impacts on a person’s well-being and relationships.
Anger and frustration as symptoms of mental illness
However, anger is a known symptom of several mental health conditions, including:
- Depression
- Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
- Substance use disorder
- Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
- Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)
- Bipolar disorder
- Intermittent explosive disorder
Are frustration, anxiety, and stress signs of anger?
Anger can cause physical and emotional symptoms. Depending on the severity of symptoms, anger can have a negative effect on day-to-day life. Common physical symptoms include increased blood pressure and/or heart rate, tingling sensations throughout the body, and muscle tension. Emotional symptoms you may experience before, during, or after angry outbursts include irritability, frustration, anxiety, rage, stress, and guilt.
How to identify situations that cause you to feel angry
If you feel anger or other intense feelings creeping up frequently, you may benefit from asking yourself the following questions:
- Do I feel angry often?
- Do I believe that my anger is out of control?
- Is my anger impacting important relationships?
- Is my anger harming those around me?
- Do I say or do things I regret when I’m angry?
- Might it be time to seek mental health support for my anger?
Is anger a symptom of anxiety?
Anger is not considered a common symptom of anxiety and does not appear in the diagnostic criteria. However, research has shown that there may be a relationship between anxiety and anger. For example, a research team at the University of Florida that studied aggression in people living with anxiety disorders found that they experienced elevated anger levels across various types of anxiety disorders.
Is there a medication for anger?
Because the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) does not list anger as a mental disorder, there is currently no FDA-approved medication specifically used to treat anger. The best treatment approach to anger management may vary based on the symptoms and underlying causes impacting a person’s emotional state. Though they are not typically considered the first line of treatment, doctors and psychiatrists can prescribe medications to help people manage anger. These medications include antidepressants, mood stabilizers, anti-seizure medications, antipsychotics, and others.
What is the highest level of anger called?
Rage is the most extreme expression of uncontrolled anger. By the time someone feels angry to the point of being enraged, they may display destructive behaviors such as verbal confrontation, physical engagement, or violent threats that can make others feel afraid. Many or most people with this experience learned unhelpful ways of coping with strong emotions when they were younger. That said, it is possible to unlearn these and adopt healthier coping mechanisms.
How to calm down anger?
Finding ways to calm down and control anger when you feel it rising can be important. Though not everyone will have this experience, uncontrolled anger can sometimes lead to a person breaking things, yelling, and engaging in other aggressive behavior that could threaten or harm others. Frequent anger could also lead to health problems like high blood pressure. To calm down anger in the moment, deep breathing exercises are commonly recommended. Many also find that going to speak with a therapist to learn to challenge unhelpful thoughts that bother them and contribute to anger and shift unhelpful ways of coping with these can be useful.
What emotion is behind anger?
Many people view anger and related feelings as negative emotions, but it can be more helpful to think of them simply as neutral messengers. In the case of anger in particular, it’s often considered a secondary emotion related to a more core, underlying feeling. Fear, embarrassment, grief, and loneliness are some emotional experiences that may be at the root when people feel angry.
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