Why Do I Get So Angry And How Can I Find Calm?

By Sarah Fader

Updated December 05, 2018

There are many reasons why you might often ask yourself, "Why do I get so angry?" You might be angry because of internal thoughts and feelings you are experiencing. There could also be external things going on that are to blame for your anger.

Feeling angry is a normal human emotion. It happens on a continuum that varies from annoyance to full-on rage. It's when anger gets out of hand that it becomes dangerous. In these types of situations, counselling and/or anger management can help get to the bottom of your anger.

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Why Do I Get So Angry?

Noticing what is happening and how you are feeling just before you get angry can help you pinpoint the triggers. Different things make people angry, and being aware of the cause of your anger can help you get to the root of the problem.

Start journaling daily and write everything that you feel. If you can, carry a small notebook around and write down what happened just before you got angry.

Did you spill coffee on yourself? Did you attend a meeting with an annoying co-worker? What could it be? Put it in your journal.

How Can I Find Calm?

Once you start noticing a pattern as to why you get angry, you can develop a strategy for avoiding anger when possible and coping with it when it is inevitable. The trick is finding out what makes you tick so you can then keep yourself calm (or do what calms you down after you get angry).

Maybe you just need a coffee cup with a better lid or to stay away from your annoying co-worker during meetings, for example. Try to find creative solutions to your problems, especially if the same things are making you angry each day.

Here are some general things that you can do to manage your anger on a regular basis and promote calm and relaxation in your life:

  1. Practice Yoga

Fifteen to thirty minutes of yoga a day can help you feel calmer, happier, and more grounded.

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Over time, you will see changes in your flexibility and it can greatly improve your mood. Body pain is also reduced through yoga if you are someone who is often tense and suffers from things like back, leg, and shoulder pain.

  1. Start a Morning Routine

Starting your morning on the right foot can have a significant impact on your mood throughout the rest of the day. Think of ways that you can wake up, centered and relaxed.

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A morning routine can involve drinking a glass of water, a cup of coffee, a healthy breakfast, turning off screens, reading, meditation, exercise… anything that is healthy and makes you feel great!

  1. Breathe Mindfully Throughout the Day

If you notice the warning signs before you get truly angry and stop yourself, then, you have accomplished something big. Upon feeling these signs, retreat to a quiet space, if you can. Close your eyes and take three deep breaths.

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Rather than reacting right away when anger starts to creep in, you have a moment to think about the situation and you can react in a way that is more composed.

  1. Speak to a Counsellor

Online counselling services like BetterHelp are a convenient and affordable alternative to in-person counselling. They allow you to speak to a professional who can help you learn to identify and manage your anger in a healthy way.


By practicing mindfulness, you can learn to deal with your anger on a positive note.

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The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.