How To Help Someone With Anxiety: Practical Tips And Techniques

While we might all experience feelings of nervousness and stress on occasion, those who live with anxiety disorders can experience them on a greater, more severe scale. 

Even though it may be difficult to tell if an individual has an anxiety disorder, we can choose to be as helpful as possible if we see those around us experiencing difficulties that could be indicative of an anxiety disorder (or of other mental health distress). 

Read on to learn more about anxiety disorders, how they might manifest and how you can help.

What does an anxiety disorder look like? 

Different people might manifest anxiety disorder-related symptoms in different ways. These anxiety-related symptoms can appear physically, emotionally and cognitively, and can include the following: 

• Feelings of nervousness
• Feelings of restlessness
• Muscle tension 
• Trembling
• Weakness
• Lethargy
• Trouble concentrating
• Insomnia
• Digestive problems
• Obsessing about fears
• Feeling out of control (or fearing being out of control) 
• Repetitive, seemingly compulsive behaviors (like repeatedly washing hands)
• Shortness of breath
• Chest pains

How to help someone who is experiencing anxiety disorder-related symptoms

There are many ways that you can help someone who is living with an anxiety disorder. Our recommendations include: 

Often, one of the most fundamental things you can begin doing for a person who lives with an anxiety disorder is asking them what they need from you at the moment. Perhaps they just need you to be there with them. Maybe they need you to hold their hand. 

They may need practical help for their anxiety symptoms, too, such as help working out a complex problem they don't know how to solve, which could be contributing to their overwhelm. 

You can help by taking this time to listen to them actively.

Validating their feelings

Different things can make different people feel nervous or may bring on symptoms of an anxiety disorder, so it can be important  to provide support and validate their emotions and feelings when possible. 

There might not be much you can do to make anxiety disorder-related symptoms “go away,” particularly when they are being felt actively. Simply letting someone know you care can be a strong act of support, especially if they feel overwhelmed or experience excessive worry. 

When you notice your loved one displaying anxiety disorder-related symptoms, you might focus on approaching them with a sense of care and positivity. You might also let them know you recognize possible signs of anxiety and then begin a dialogue about them, which can possibly validate their feelings and experiences. 

Encouraging them to get treatment

If your loved one isn’t seeing a mental health professional for their symptoms yet, you might encourage them to consider starting the process. Anxiety disorders aren’t usually things that “go away” on their own. However, with a treatment plan developed by a therapist, the anxiety symptoms can be much more manageable. 

What to avoid when supporting someone experiencing anxiety disorder-related symptoms 

When your loved one is experiencing symptoms of an anxiety disorder, it may be difficult to resist trying to “fix” things. Because of the general nature of anxiety disorder symptoms, even the most well-meaning people may unwittingly make anxiety worse rather than better. 

Here are some tips to give your friends and peers a better overall experience in times of difficulty with anxiety symptoms:

Don’t force them to talk to you

Fear can be one of the most prevalent symptoms of an anxiety disorder, and pushing someone to express their feelings before they’re ready can not only make things worse for them—but may also damage your relationship. Speaking comfortably about their uneasiness and fear may require guidance from a professional. You might wait to address their experiences until you are confident in your approach. 

Don’t minimize their distress. Consider avoiding downplaying the distress they might be feeling. Telling someone living with an anxiety disorder that they're overreacting might worsen things, and it may sour your relationship with them. After all—their thoughts and feelings can be genuine to them, as yours are to you. When you deny them, you might seem to be rejecting your loved one and their experiences.

Instead, you can work to validate their experience, grounding them in support. 

It can be important to remember that generally speaking, no one chooses to live with an anxiety disorder and that if they could calm down easily, they probably would. Acting like the symptoms are not a big deal or giving a command to “calm down” can place even more stress on the person experiencing anxiety disorder-related symptoms, possibly leading to worsening symptoms. 

Don’t tell them what they should do

Well-meaning loved ones might often be tempted to dive right in and try to fix the pain that they believe that their loved one might be experiencing. It can be difficult to see someone you care about experience anxiety disorder-related symptoms. However, it can be important to remember that there may be things you don’t know about the origins and nature of their fear—and that may need to be considered before any good-intentioned suggestions are given. 

If you’ve never lived with an anxiety disorder, it can be perfectly fine to say so. You can then let your loved one know you won’t try to guess what they’re feeling, and while you may not know what it feels like—but that you’d like to hear about their experience when and if they are ready. This can prompt further conversation and may provide a helpful diversion for those experiencing symptoms. 

You may mean well if you try to do this, but assimilating their symptoms as your own may not come across as authentic empathy. 

For instance, if your loved one is experiencing a moment of anxiety disorder-related symptoms, it may not be helpful to tell them that you’ve been there and done that. Even if you have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and it’s true, they might need to process the experience on their own before being receptive to the moment that you offer up your own story.

While it can be good to be helpful and supportive, you might consider avoiding changing the environment or your behavior around them to accommodate your loved one’s fears. 

Don't give them drugs or alcohol to calm them

If you feel powerless to help someone you love cope with their anxiety disorder-related symptoms, it may be tempting to suggest they “take the edge off” with drugs or alcohol. 

Your loved one may feel better for a moment, but drugs and alcohol can substantially change the brain’s chemistry, possibly having a particularly negative impact on people who live with anxiety disorders. With substance use, symptoms may worsen, and there could be an increased chance of comorbidity with other disorders like depression and substance use disorder. 

Humor can be a common human reaction to difficulty—but a poorly timed joke can possibly be harmful when you're trying to lighten the mood. Instead of helping, calling someone out for feeling uncomfortable in a social setting or in other difficult situations can seem humiliating and shaming. Unless you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that it’ll get a smile from your loved one, it may be best to hold off on the jokes, particularly in public or social settings. 

Although you may be most concerned with helping your loved one, you might not have the capability to authentically do so if you’re not at your mental and emotional best. Daily self-care and a healthy lifestyle can be helpful ways to meet your physical, mental and social needs with managing anxiety symptoms.

Living with an anxiety disorder can be difficult

Find support from a licensed therapist

How can online therapy help those living with anxiety disorders?

Online platforms like BetterHelp can offer the most convenient ways to find a licensed professional therapist who can help you develop strategies for coping with your own experiences related to anxiety disorders, depression or other mental health conditions. 

If you decide to seek treatment online, you can talk to a BetterHelp counselor from home or anywhere with a reliable internet connection via phone, online chat, or video chat on your schedule. During an online therapy session, you may find that you feel more comfortable than you might in a therapist’s office.

Is online therapy effective? 

Data referenced from the National Center for Health Research has suggested that online therapy can be effective in addressing anxiety disorders, depression, trauma and more. Referenced meta-analysis of over 40+ studies found that there was little discernable difference between those that attended in-person therapeutic sessions and virtual sessions online, possibly suggesting that online therapy offers comparable benefits to in-person methods (possibly at a fraction of the cost, for some). 

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.