What To Say To Someone Living With An Anxiety Disorder

Many people might face challenges in life that can cause stress or worry. While it may be a common experience for many, excessive and persistent worry or fear can be a sign of (or contribute to) a more serious mental health condition like anxiety disorder formation or depression. 

Anxiety disorders are generally regarded as one of the most common mental health disorders that many might experience. Studies currently suggest that one in three adults will experience an anxiety disorder at some point in their lives.

Living with anxiety disorders

Symptoms of anxiety disorders can interfere with an individual’s day-to-day life in every aspect, including work, school and relationships. Online therapy can be one of the best ways to combat these effects, possibly elevating the person to a higher overall quality of life. 

If you know someone living with the day-to-day effects of anxiety disorders, it can be helpful to try and understand their experience and learn what to say (and not to say) to possibly help.

We’ve compiled some possibly helpful strategies below, diving into the different experiences that someone who lives with an anxiety disorder might live through and how others can support them through it.  

What are the symptoms of anxiety disorder?

Before we can dive into the symptoms of any given anxiety disorder, it’s important to understand the different variations that anxiety disorders can take on as a pathology. 

Some of the most common types of anxiety disorders include: 

• Generalized anxiety disorder 

• Panic disorder

• Social anxiety disorder 

• Specific phobias 

For our intents and purposes, we’ll be exploring some of the most commonly recognized symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). These can include:

• Feeling restless or “on edge”

• Feeling easily fatigued

• Experiencing difficulties concentrating

• Feeling irritable without a known cause 

• Experiencing sleep difficulties or irregularities

• Muscular tension

• Experiencing difficulty controlling anxious thoughts or feelings of worry

While these symptoms can make a person feel overwhelmed, it can be helpful to remember that with the right support and talk therapy, anxiety disorders can be treatable. 

If you have a loved one who may be experiencing symptoms of anxiety disorder(s), encouraging them to attain help from a mental health professional can be a helpful first step on the road to recovery.  

Various influences and biases might make opening a discussion around anxiety disorders tricky for some. The possible stigmas associated with mental health can be an example of this. However, being brave enough to start the conversation can result in a positive ripple effect that can impact their quality of life (and yours, in some cases). 

If the person that you’re speaking to hesitates when it comes time to discuss anxiety disorders as a topic, it can be helpful to avoid feeling discouraged. The person in question might not be ready to have a conversation about their mental health just yet. But, by remaining open to conversations and experiences, they can feel assured that when or if they do want to talk, they’ll be able to have an open and honest conversation with you about their feelings. 

Your loved one might be more likely to feel heard and understood if you practice active listening throughout the discussion. This type of open conversation may help you see how you can best support them in their times of need and provide them with empathy. 

What to say to someone with anxiety

If you’re wondering what to say to someone with anxiety, below are some things that may make them feel supported:

“What can I do to help you at the moment?”

Everyone can experience anxiety disorder differently, and what may work for one person may not necessarily work for another. 

Instead of offering advice or making assumptions on what may help, it may be best to ask your friend or family member what they need, and how you can best help, as people might react to the effects of anxiety disorder in a range of different ways. For example: Some people may want advice, some may want someone to listen to them and others may need some time alone.

“Will it help if I sit with you?”

Sometimes, people experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety disorder might not be able to communicate easily. In this case, it may help to ask if you can just sit there with them, as they can give a simple head nod or shake to your questions instead of speaking. 

The purpose of this approach for many is to let them know they are not alone. Friends and family might simply appreciate someone “being there” with them in the moment.

“I am always here for you, no matter what. You’re not alone.”

Anxiety disorder and panic disorder can be isolating, possibly making an individual feel as if no one understands them. Offering words of reassurance can help many to find relief from these feelings of isolation and can serve as a reminder of the support you offer them.

“Would you like me to come over?”

If your loved one or friend is experiencing the effects of an anxiety disorder and they’re physically alone, it may be helpful to offer to be with them until they can manage it on their own. 

“Would you like to do something to take your mind off things?”

At times it may be helpful for an individual experiencing the effects of anxiety disorder to “get out of their heads” a bit and do something that distracts them from excessive worries or fears. If your loved one or friend is experiencing anxiety disorder symptoms, it may help to offer up activities to get their minds off things. 

“Do you want advice, or would you like me to listen?”

Some might feel the urge to immediately find ways to help someone with anxiety by offering advice. However, unsolicited advice may worsen a person’s experiences that could be related to anxiety disorder. Understanding this risk and range of needs ahead of time can help you to make more strategic supportive decisions.

Generally, before you offer advice to your loved one or friend, it can be helpful to ask if they want advice or just someone to listen to. For some individuals, talking and expressing their concerns may be helpful — or some might simply want a listening ear.

Things you might want to avoid saying

When it comes to discussing mental health concerns, it can be easy to unwittingly say things that can turn out to be more harmful than helpful.  If someone you care about is experiencing anxiety disorder-related symptoms, there are some things you may want to avoid saying as it may potentially make their experience feel more severe. 

We’ve summarized some common examples below:

"Don't worry; everything will be fine.”

Telling a loved one who is experiencing the effects of anxiety disorder not to worry may seem like a reassuring thing. However, many people who live with the condition might find it extremely difficult to stop worrying, and can feel worse if they feel pressured to stop. 

It may also come across as insensitivity if you dismiss their real and valid feelings.

“Everyone gets anxious sometimes.”

Daily life can feel overwhelming for many people. However, while it may be true that everyone can experience nervousness from time to time, living with an anxiety disorder can be very different from occasional nerves. You may think saying “everyone gets anxious” might be helpful or might make you relatable, but it may come off as dismissive and minimizing. 

Unless they want to hear about how you feel anxious at times, it may be best to listen and be supportive of their personal experience. You can always speak with the person to determine how they wish to be related to in moments of tension or nervousness.

“Others have it worse. You’ll be okay.”

When someone is experiencing a difficult or stressful time, it may seem like reminding them that “it could be worse” might make them feel better. However, this can actually make many feel worse, possibly trivializing their experiences and invalidating their feelings. 

Generally speaking, everyone might have their unique challenges. However, this phrase can be akin to “comparing trauma” which can be extremely invalidating and can cause someone to retreat emotionally.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

How can online therapy support those living with anxiety disorder?

Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp can match people with therapists who might specialize in helping those with anxiety disorder, depression, and a host of other mental health conditions. With the service, clients can enjoy the freedom of speaking with a therapist from the comfort of home or another safe place on a schedule that’s convenient for them. 

Virtual therapy can also often be more affordable than traditional therapy, especially for those without insurance. 

Is online therapy effective for generalized anxiety disorder and other disorders? 

A growing body of research suggests that online therapy can be an effective alternative to conventional therapy in treating a wide variety of conditions, including anxiety disorders, PTSD, depression, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. 

A review featured in JMIR Mental Health examined results from 12 studies on the impacts of virtual therapy. The findings found details that suggest that there are consistently high levels of patient satisfaction, as well as clinical outcomes that can be comparable to conventional therapy when this type of modality is used.