My Relationship Is In Crisis: How Do I Find Couples Counseling Near Me?

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What is the success rate of couples counseling? 

Although there isn’t a definitive number on the success rate of couples counseling, couples counseling has been shown to improve communication and relationship satisfaction.  A number of areas can be addressed in couples counseling, such as trust issues and poor communication. Individual issues like depression and anxiety can also be a part of couples therapy. Couples will learn techniques for conflict resolution and how to communicate clearly. Overall, couples or marriage counselors can help to improve relationships, especially if couples come in early even before the first sign of trouble.

Even if couples have been together for years, counseling can still be of great benefit. Seeing a  marriage counselor can help the marriage and by extension even the family, if the couple has children.

How can I get free couples counseling? 

Some nonprofit organizations or churches might provide free or income-based couples counseling. You can go to 211.org to see what local resources are available for you and your partner. You might even find support groups that focus on couples counseling.

What is the best therapy for couples? 

There are different therapeutic approaches to couples counseling. When you and your partner meet with a therapist or even before the first session, ask what therapeutic approach the therapist practices. They might respond with one approach or a mix of approaches. Some of those approaches are the Gottman Method, Narrative Therapy, Imago Relationship Therapy, Relational Life Therapy, and Emotionally Focused Therapy.

How do I find a couples counselor? 

You can search your local area for a couples counselor, or if you have health insurance, see who is covered under your plan. You can also do an internet search. You can even ask your friends and family, if you don’t mind them knowing that your marriage needs a little help, if they can give you a recommendation. To narrow your search, therapists need to be licensed and have education, training, and experience in marriage/couples counseling.

What is the difference between marriage counseling and couples therapy? 

Marriage counseling is for people who are married, while couples therapy is for people who are not married. Marriage or marital and couples therapy both deal with relationship issues as a whole and issues and life experiences each individual brings into the relationship.

What is the Gottman Method? 

The Gottman Method, developed by Drs. Julie and John Gottman, is composed of 3 components: assessment, therapeutic framework and therapeutic interventions. Based on these three, the couple and therapist move forward to work on issues specific to the couple. In general, though, some areas couples will work on are effective communication, past hurts, managing conflicts rather working toward conflict resolution and trust. These areas are part of the Sound Relationship House Theory.

Can a marriage survive without intimacy? 

A marriage probably cannot survive without intimacy – emotional intimacy, that is. Emotional intimacy means that each person can be emotionally vulnerable with the other person and that involves a level of trust. A marriage might survive without emotional intimacy, but it would be an unhealthy one.

Marriages can survive without sexual intimacy. Many people who are asexual find partners who are asexual or near asexual and those relationships can be just as fulfilling as those where emotional and sexual intimacy are a part of the relationship.

Is it OK for married couples to sleep in separate rooms? 

Married couples can make up their own rules in their marriages. If both individuals want to sleep in separate rooms, meaning both are honest about how they feel about the arrangement and not withholding their thoughts about it to appease or disappoint the other, then sleeping in separate rooms is okay. Emotional intimacy and/or sexual intimacy are not off the table if couples sleep separately. They can work around this to have and maintain a healthy, long lasting relationship.

How many positives does it take to clear a negative? 

For every negative, it takes almost 6 positives. According to the Harvard Business Review, while negative comments stick with an individual, it’s the positive comments that motivate people to do better. Although the data from the research has come under criticism, many in leadership agree that a higher ratio of positives to negatives is optimal. The researchers Emily Heaphy and Marcial Losada noted that their findings were similar to John Gottman’s of the Gottman Method. Gottman’s research on married couples has shown that the more positive comments spouses give one another, the more likely that they would remain married. Conversely, the more negative comments, the more likely couples would divorce. Gottman’s ratio was 5 positives to 1 negative.

How can I be more positive in a relationship? 

If you want to be in the relationship you have with your partner and your partner also wants to be in the relationship, that’s a starting point for introducing more positivity into the relationship. Next, how motivated are you and your partner to improve the relationship? Will you both share the work required to keep a healthy relationship going or will it fall mostly to one person? If it’s the former, then you can begin now. Some ways for you to be more positive in a relationship is to comment positively on things you like about your partner. For example, do you like how devoted they are to taking care of the children or the animals in the household? Do you like that they do the dishes? Do you enjoy their sense of humor? Any positive comment that is genuine is a good starting point.

If your partner isn’t solutioned focused – committed to doing their share of working toward a healthy relationship – you can still give positive comments to see if this turns your partner around. If not, suggest couples counseling. It takes two people to make a relationship work, but if one is not present in the relationship, then it might be time to explore this individually with a trusted friend, family member, support group or therapist.

How negativity can kill a relationship? 

A constant barrage of negativity will kill any relationship. If your partner is full of criticisms and offers little to no positivity about you and the relationship, that can create stress. People will manage the negativity to stay in the relationship even though they’re unhappy. They might work longer hours or get their needs met outside of the relationship, for example. They might even end up leaving the relationship. Although people might stay together despite the negativity, they are still in a relationship – just not a healthy, fulfilling one. If negativity is part of the family dynamic, seeing a family therapist might be a wise choice in learning how to deal with this behavior.

Constant negativity from a partner or anyone can be considered abusive. If this is what you’re experiencing, seek professional help to learn how to cope with this behavior while you decide what your next steps should be.

How do you know if your not happy in a relationship? 

Some ways to know if you’re not happy in a relationship are complaining about your partner to other people, getting needs met outside the relationship and feeling a general unhappiness or even anxiety about the relationship. Rather than making a life-changing decision based on how you’re feeling now, it’s best to talk to someone first. That person could be a trusted friend or family member or even a therapist. It’s important to explore if maybe you’re experiencing depression or anxiety that’s not related to the relationship. Or, if there are relationship issues, how those can be addressed to save the relationship.

If there is abuse in the relationship, then seek help immediately. Keeping yourself safe is more important than staying in a relationship that is abusive and unlikely to change.

How do you stop overthinking in a relationship? 

Sometimes when we’re working on a relationship, we tend to focus on it at the expense of other things in our lives. One way to manage overthinking in a relationship is to get back into the things you love to do. You won’t stop overthinking right away, but you’ll have periods of time when you’ve noticed that you haven’t even thought about your relationship. If the overthinking comes back, acknowledge it and keep moving forward with what you’re doing. Over time, this focus on you will bring the best of you back to the relationship instead of an anxiety-ridden partner who’s always worrying it.

Another way is to be in the present. Be mindful of what’s going on around you right now to keep yourself in the present rather than being all twisted up about what happened in the past or what’s in store for the future. You can also periodically check in with your partner about what your concerned about in the relationship. Open, clear communication and trusting what your partner is telling you might quell your anxious thoughts.

There’s no sure way to immediately stop overthinking. The best thing you can do for yourself is learning to manage your overthinking, which will help you work toward stopping it. Overthinking your relationship might return from time to time, but you’ll have techniques to deal with it when if it does.