Want To Start Dating? Consider Asking Yourself These Questions To Find Out If You’re Ready

The dating world can be tricky to navigate at times. From making a good first impression to deciding who pays for dinner on the first date, there's a lot of etiquette to learn—and oftentimes, plenty of awkward moments. But before you jump into this pool, it's important to take some time to ask yourself a few dating questions and reflect on whether or not you're actually ready to date.

If you’re ready to start going on dates and to find your person, it can help to know what you’re looking for in a significant other—or whether you're looking for a partner at all rather than a best friend —and how you’d like a relationship to look. This can help you to determine what questions to ask and how to approach your relationship, possibly helping you to have the best chances at creating the life you want. 

To that end, we’ve compiled a list of date questions to ask yourself and open-ended conversation starters that can help you confidently embark on your dating journey and increase your chances of finding the right person for you.

First date questions to ask 

First dates can be nerve-wracking for many people—whether you meet at a restaurant or a coffee shop—and it may be that your date is just as or more nervous than you. Questions are generally intended to break the ice with the new person in front of you while getting a sense of who they are. While some awkward silences are common when you're first getting to know someone, there are some ways to reduce jitters. If you're looking for suggestions on what to ask on a first date, the following might help:

• Ask open-ended questions that allow the person to express themselves, and then actively listen to their answers. Psychologist Carl Rogers considered deep listening key to building a healthy relationship. While listening is not always easy, it's a skill that can be learned. Listening will also give you a clearer sense of who they are and may help you pick up cues on their personality, sense of humor, and style of communication—factors that can help you figure out if you're interested in them.
  

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Past relationships 

It's understandable to want to know about the past relationships of the person with whom you've decided to go on a date. However, unless it's a spontaneous thing, naturally mentioned in the course of the conversation, this is a topic that might alter the tone of the first date, making it less light-hearted. Each person sees this differently, though. Some people consider it inappropriate or intrusive to ask questions about exes on a first date. Others eschew what they consider "small talk" so they wouldn't shy away from asking about their date's version of their life partner or delving into topics that matter to them. 

Another person may be more interested in establishing common ground by sticking to typical first-date questions. While there is no "rule" as to which is preferable, someone may feel nervous or uncomfortable discussing this topic at a first meeting. If you ask an open-ended question about exes or a previous relationship, you can wait to see how the date responds before asking follow-up questions. 

Date questions on the first date 

If you're looking for specific questions to ask, you may first wish to consider your intentions and what you're hoping to get out of the date. Sometimes having a few conversation starters can help you get the conversation going. A few suggestions:

• Ask a few ice breakers, such as "Are you a night owl or a morning person?", "What's your dream vacation?", "What was your favorite tv show growing up?" or "What's the worst movie you ever saw?"

• Ask questions that aim at finding out their values and what really matters to them, such as "What's really important to you?"

• If it matters to you that the person has a defined sense of what they're looking for in a relationship (or just this date), it's okay to ask, "What are you looking for?" or "What do you most value in a relationship?"

• If you delve into past relationships, you may consider asking, "What is something you've learned in your previous relationship?" This might clue you into their level of self-awareness and ability to reflect on what they could've done differently. It might also let you in on whether they take responsibility or put all the blame on their ex for how the relationship ended.

Questions to ask yourself first

Knowing the qualities you’re looking for in a partner and what you’d like out of a dating relationship can help you increase the odds of finding a good match and having an enjoyable experience. You may want to determine the values that are important to you, how much freedom you’d like to retain, and the level of commitment you’re ready to offer. The following are some helpful questions you can ask yourself before you start dating—helping you to avoid the date jitters as you start a conversation in confidence. 

What kind of relationship am I seeking?

What qualities are important in a partner?

What type of lifestyle do I want?

What values am I looking for in a partner?

Try to take some time to reflect on what matters most to you and consider what qualities and beliefs you would like to see in a potential partner. This can help you ask the right questions, attract the right person, and build a fulfilling and meaningful relationship.

How much independence do I want?

The key to a successful dating relationship often lies in finding a balance that works for both parties. Determining your expectations ahead of time can help you be clear with a date about how much time you can commit to them. 

How (and how often) do I want to stay in contact with a partner?

Additionally—whether you enjoy speaking on the phone, texting, emailing, or using other channels—determining your communication style within a relationship can be important. It can help you better determine how you’ll stay connected with someone you’re dating and avoid complications later on. For example, if a potential partner likes to text throughout the day, but you’re not comfortable being in such close contact, you can set expectations regarding communication that work for both of you.  

What level of commitment can I offer?

Are you ready for a long-term relationship, or do you want to keep things more casual? Prior to getting involved with another person, it can help to be honest with yourself about what you’re willing to commit to. Mismatched expectations can lead to hurt feelings and tension while dating. Knowing how much commitment you’re willing to offer can help you be upfront and honest once you start meeting people.

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What kind of emotional connection am I looking for?

Maybe you're looking for someone who will listen to you when you're feeling down or whom you can lean on during tough times. Or perhaps you want to date someone who will encourage you to be your best self and challenge you to grow emotionally. 

Ask yourself whether you frequently give and receive emotional support and validation in a relationship or prefer a more independent approach. This can help you match with someone who meets your needs. For example, if emotional vulnerability is important to you, dating someone who frequently encourages you to open up may be ideal. 

You might also realize that you don’t typically discuss your feelings freely in a relationship. If you’re unsure about how to express your emotions with a partner, talking to a licensed mental health professional can help.  

For example, in a study on the efficacy of online therapy for social anxiety disorder—which researchers specifically mentioned can impair romantic relationships—34.2% of participants no longer met the criteria for social phobia after treatment, while another 36.8% experienced a reduction in symptoms. These results can be added to those of an increasingly large number of studies pointing to the effectiveness of online therapy for a wide variety of relationship and mental health-related concerns. 

If you’re ready to put yourself out there but aren’t sure what you want out of your dating life, online therapy can help. Working with an online therapist through BetterHelp, you can address concerns about your romantic relationships from home, which can be helpful if you’re not comfortable discussing that topic in person. You can also contact your therapist outside of sessions; so, if you forgot to mention a concern about dating, you can send them a message, and they’ll respond when they’re able.