How To Help A Friend With Depression

Depression is a serious mental health condition that affects an estimated 21 million adults in the US. If you find that one of your friends is living with depression, you might wonder how to react, especially if you’ve never experienced a depressive disorder yourself. It's natural to be concerned when you hear that someone in your life is feeling down. Depression can be hard to navigate. But your loved one will likely be glad that you're there to support them. At the same time, it can help to know how best to provide support to someone living with depression. In this article, we'll discuss how to talk with a friend experiencing depression and give you tips for supporting them in a constructive, helpful way.

How to help a friend with depression

When you discover that a friend is living with depression, it can be concerning. But there are several steps you can take to help them through this experience and provide them with the support and care they need. 

Learn about depression

It can be particularly difficult to provide support to a friend with depression if you have not experienced this mental health condition yourself. Researching depression can help you learn more about what your friend is going through. Educate yourself about what feeling depressed is like; that way you'll know a little more about what to expect during this difficult time in their life. 

For example, if someone is unfamiliar with depression, they may wonder what events led to their friend experiencing mental health challenges and question why they struggle to leave home or practice self-care. But depression doesn’t always have an underlying cause, and it can make it feel impossible to get out of bed or perform care tasks. Knowing this information (and more) can help you better provide support to your friend. 

The following is an overview of depression to help you get started:

Depression is a mental health condition marked by low mood, lack of motivation, loss of interest, and trouble focusing. Depression actually comprises several depressive disorders, including major depressive disorder, persistent depressive disorder, seasonal affective disorder, and postpartum depression. In addition to impacting an individual’s mental and physical health, depressive disorders can affect their ability to work, maintain relationships, and care for themselves. Symptoms of depression include ongoing sadness, feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness, irritability, difficulty concentrating, sleep disturbances, and fluctuations in appetite. 

Give them the opportunity to talk (when they’re ready)

A friend who is experiencing depression might want you to be in their life but might not be ready to talk about their condition. If that's the case, then following their lead can help you avoid making them feel worse. If they haven’t brought up their mental health to you, but you suspect they’re experiencing depression, consider saying something like, "I feel like you're going through a difficult time right now. Do you want to talk about it?" It can also help to pick the right time and place to bring it up. Be tactful about discussing things in mixed company. 

If they feel like opening up to you, then you might say something like "that must be hard" or "I'm always here if you want to talk”. You might have the urge to give them advice, but it's best not to if unsolicited. It's far better to listen actively. If they want feedback from you, they will ask for it, but they may only want you to be a sounding board.

Avoid dismissing their feelings

People experiencing depression generally want to feel better; but depression can make it hard for them to address their symptoms. You may unknowingly make your friend feel worse if you say things like "forget about it" or "try harder”. That's generally not the way depression works, and sentiments like these can invalidate their feelings. Instead, you can say something like, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but I’m here to help you in whatever ways I can”. 

Empathize with them (but avoid comparing your situations)

If you’ve experienced depression, empathizing with your friend can be helpful. It may be encouraging for them to realize that you’ve experienced similar feelings, especially if they know you’ve been able to manage your symptoms. You can tell your friends that you understand how they’re feeling. This can be validating and encouraging for someone with depression. 

However, you may want to avoid comparing their situation to yours. Depression can manifest differently depending on the individual, and your journey may have been completely unlike the one your friend is experiencing. Being mindful of these differences can help you as you provide support or advice. For example, instead of saying something like, “You should exercise because that helped me”, you can say, “If you’re up for it, exercising may help you as it helped me”. 

Tell them about support services

During the research that you conducted, it's possible you found out about some psychiatric services or other resources that may benefit them. If that's the case, then it may help to pass that information on to your friend. If they're interested, they can pursue the options you're giving them, or they may decide that's not the best thing for them at the moment. Volunteer the information, but don't try to force them into anything.

Avoid stigmatizing medication

Antidepressants have been proven effective in reducing symptoms of depression and are often primary components of treatment plans. Like the depression itself, try to avoid making light of your friend seeking help by taking antidepressants or otherwise stigmatizing their use of medication. Also, if your friend is having a hard time with the idea of going on medication, you can try to normalize it. You can equate their taking medication for their depression to someone taking insulin for diabetes.

Take care of yourself

Sometimes you can get bogged down while trying to help someone who is experiencing depression, and because of that, you can start to neglect your own feelings. You might not be depressed yourself but trying to help your friend if they are suffering can put an emotional strain on you, and you should not ignore that. You should have someone to talk to in turn, preferably someone who is not directly in the situation and can offer impartial advice based on reason and logic.

Living with someone who has depression or having a friend in your life who has depression can be difficult for you. You may be upset that your friend is going through a hard time. Or you may feel helpless if you’re not sure how to respond.

How online therapy can help

Research suggests that online therapy can help alleviate the mental health concerns of those who provide care to others. For example, in one study, researchers found that online therapy reduced symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression in participants, who looked after individuals experiencing physical or mental illness. The study also notes the increased availability provided by online therapy platforms.    

If you have a friend with depression and want to learn more about the condition or how to provide support, online therapy can help. With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, your therapist can help you better understand depression remotely, through video calls, voice calls, or in-app messaging. Online therapy is also an affordable option—BetterHelp memberships start at $65 to $100 per week (based on factors such as your location, referral source, preferences, therapist availability and any applicable discounts or promotions that might apply), and you can cancel anytime.