Navigating Mental Health As A Couple
Navigating depression in a relationship
- Take care of yourself
- Find support outside of your partner
- Help your partner help you
- Avoid arguments or discussions when you’re not emotionally stable
- Find coping mechanisms that work for you
Feeling less excited
You might feel less excited about plans. Symptoms such as losing interest in activities might mean you feel less excited about dates and other modes of quality time with a partner.
Distancing from others
Depression can cause individuals to withdraw from others, including those closest to them. You may feel disconnected from others or want to isolate yourself in general due to low mood or feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. You may also want to isolate yourself so that others don’t notice your symptoms or know how you feel.
Lacking energy
Libido changes
Depression may change your libido and cause a low sex drive. If you’re in a relationship where your sex life is a factor, it may bring up new challenges.
Is it my mood or my partner?
How can you tell which one is the real culprit? Knowing the signs of depressive episodes may be helpful. If you notice the signs in yourself, you may wish to pursue a diagnosis or reach out for the help of a counselor or therapist.
Common symptoms of depression can include:
- Sadness, hopelessness, or consistent low mood
- Eating substantially more or less than usual
- Change in sleep habits
- Not enjoying activities that you previously enjoyed
- Restlessness or fatigue
- Difficulty concentrating
- Feeling worthless
- Feeling numb
- Having low self-esteem
- Excessive crying
- Agitation or increased irritability
- Thoughts of self-harm, death, or suicide*
If the symptoms listed are chronic and ongoing and last for more than a few weeks, you could be living with a diagnosable mental health condition.
If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or urges, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988. Support is available 24/7.
Mental health stigma exists, and people may have inaccurate assumptions or beliefs. However, depressive mental illnesses are among the most common mental health diagnoses, and many people know at least one person living with depression, whether they know it or not.
Navigating an intimate relationship with depression may be similar to navigating needs in any relationship. It can require open healthy communication, effort, and honesty on both sides.
For example, if you live with depression, it might be helpful to communicate with your partner directly. You might say something like:
- “I’m feeling irritable today and need time to myself to use self-care/journal/take a walk/etc.”
- “I’m sorry I seemed withdrawn last night; I’m struggling and want you to know it’s not you.”
- “I’m having a rough day and feel like crying. Can we sit next to each other and watch a movie?”
You might also choose to give your partner a book on depression to help them learn more about how your symptoms affect you. If your partner struggles to read, consider a quick YouTube video or having a conversation with them.
There are effective depression treatments, including forms of talk therapy, medication, and other interventions. Please consult a mental health professional before starting, changing, or stopping medication options.
It can take time to find the proper treatment for you. Learning how to navigate various concerns in an interpersonal relationship can also take time. Try to be patient with yourself and extend compassion to you and your partner throughout the process.
Supporting a partner in a healthy way
Attend therapy together
Practice patience
Take care of yourself
Enjoy the “little” things
Enjoy fewer overwhelming activities together. For example, you might watch a movie, cook a meal, or clean together. If your partner struggles with these activities, you might plan a self-care night, spa day, or something relaxing.
Continue to care for your relationship as you would care for any. Whatever makes you and your partner feel loved, try to achieve it. For example, if you enjoy spending quality time together, consider spending a night watching movies and eating snacks. If your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, you might create positive interactions by writing them a letter or telling them all the reasons you appreciate them.
All couples may go through rough patches. Even if your partner did not struggle with depression, you might still experience stressors or life difficulties. Try not to pin all struggles on your partner’s mental health, as struggles can be expected.
Have I fallen out of love, or are there external circumstances?
When two people fall in love, the feeling of “butterflies” or affection may run high. At times, these feelings may hide a lack of compatibility or other concerns that wind up showing themselves later down the line. Feelings can fade over time, and love can change or dissipate.
If you’re unsure if you’re depressed, you may want to look at your relationship. People can fall out of love. Over time, one or both partners may feel ambivalent toward each other. They may not necessarily dislike one another or have issues. It could be that love or romantic feelings have diminished to the point that one or both partners want to move on.
Talk to a mental health professional
How online therapy can help with depression
One study on online therapy found that adults using an internet-based intervention experienced a significant reduction in their depression symptoms. This finding was equal across people of different genders, financial statuses, physical health statuses, and histories of psychotherapy. If you’d like to participate in this type of counseling, consider an online platform such as BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples.
Takeaway
Being in a relationship when you are diagnosed with depression can feel challenging. It may impact both partners. Although a partner may not be able to support you professionally, a counselor can be an effective option in treating the symptoms of your condition. Consider reaching out to a therapist independently or with a partner to discuss your treatment goals further.
Frequently asked questions on how depression can affect a relationship.
Does depression make you end relationships?
Should depressed people get into relationships?
Can depression make you doubt your relationship?
How do I stop depression from ruining my relationship?
Is mental health a reason to break up?
Why do people stay in unhappy relationships for so long?
How do you know when to leave a relationship?
What it's like when your partner is depressed?
Why am I suddenly doubting my relationship?
How do you know if your relationship is ruining your mental health?
Why am I feeling so insecure in my relationship?
How do you survive an unhappy relationship?
Am I falling out of love or just comfortable?
When should you walk away from someone with mental illness?
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