Tips For Recognizing And Responding To Domestic Violence
While domestic violence (DV) is widespread and potentially life-threatening, it can be challenging to understand. Those in a relationship with domestic violence may experience gaslighting that reduces their ability to understand what they're going through. For those outside of the relationship, it can seem that the relationship is healthy on the surface. As domestic violence often occurs at home, understanding warning signs can help those in a relationship and those who love them understand the risks.
Abuse can happen to anyone. People of any race, age, gender, sexuality, education level, or economic status can experience and perpetrate patterns of abuse. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, in the US, an average of 24 people per minute experience some form of abuse, including rape, physical assault, or stalking by an intimate partner.
Recognizing abuse is one of the first steps to receiving help. With recognition often comes prevention. Anyone may benefit from understanding these risks, as everyone is susceptible to knowing someone who has experienced abuse or experiencing it themselves.
Why do people abuse others?
Note: While DV is often used interchangeably with intimate partner violence (IPV), the latter refers to violence or abuse between two people in an intimate relationship. The article primarily uses DV to describe violence between any two individuals, but you can use either term depending on the dynamic in your life.
People who act abusively may have come from families or living situations that involve abuse and violence. Because abuse is a learned behavior, a child who regularly witnesses other people harming their partners and loved ones is likelier to model these behaviors as adults.
While people cannot change the home or family they're born into, they can choose to break the cycle. When someone abuses their partner, they may attempt to wield power or control. The abusive partner may feel that their feelings and needs take top priority in the relationship or enjoy the power of harming someone they love in the moment. Regardless of the motivation, abuse is not okay. All people deserve a healthy, respectful, and loving relationship wherein all partners have control and autonomy over their lives.
Why do people stay in abusive relationships?
When someone observes an unhealthy relationship as an outsider, they may wonder why the survivor doesn't leave their abuser. However, the dynamics of an abusive relationship are often complex and dangerous, and an outsider might not see the manipulation, harm, or gaslighting the survivor receives.
Because abusive partners are focused on maintaining power and control over the other partner, leaving the relationship can be challenging and sometimes dangerous.
Some common reasons that prevent people from leaving an abusive relationship or another form of DV include:
- Lack of resources: The survivor may depend on the abusive partner for housing, money, food, or other basic needs.
- Fear: A person may fear the potential dangers of leaving the relationship, including stalking, workplace harassment, and physical violence.
- Shame: DV occurs behind closed doors in many cases. Outsiders may not know about the abuse until a survivor leaves the relationship, and this may bring up feelings of shame and self-blame for the survivor.
- Children: In some cases, people have children with an abusive partner and do not want to disrupt their family or break their children's attachment to the abusive parent.
- Disability: In some abusive relationships, one partner may live with a disability and depend on the other person for support.
People may also be balancing concerns about immigration status, mental health conditions, and other challenges that complicate their experience of DV. Without outside support and a clear safety plan, people may stay in long-term abusive relationships.
Recognizing domestic violence is imperative. By spotting several warning signs, it may be possible to end the cycle of DV and sustain healthy, mutually rewarding relationships.
Warning signs of abuse
Below are some of the most common warning signs you or someone you love might be experiencing abuse.
Extreme jealousy
In a healthy relationship, occasional jealousy or passing jokes about jealousy may occur. However, if someone constantly calls, texts, or visits another person unexpectedly, it could cause concern. Other signs of jealousy include:
- Demanding to know the other partner's location
- Excessive phone calls or text messages
- Insisting that the other partner "checks in" at a particular frequency
- Preventing another from going to work, meet-up events, parties, or time with friends out of fear of cheating
Jealousy can take many forms. People who act abusively can showcase possessive behavior and check in frequently with their partners when physically apart. They may also communicate jealousy about their partner's family, friends, and pets.
Isolation from loved ones
An abusive partner may prevent the other partner from spending time with friends, family, coworkers, or other peers. Over time, this behavior can result in isolation, which increases the abusive partner's control and power over their partner.
In a digital era, these individuals may further attempt to isolate their partner through social media. They may monitor or limit their partner's use of social media and email and even use GPS locators or spyware to track the partner's whereabouts and limit their interaction with other people.
Controlling finances
By managing all finances without discussion, an abusive partner can increase their partner's dependence and discourage them from leaving the relationship. Financial abuse takes various forms. For example, the individual might prevent their partner from working, threaten to destroy valuable property or assets, take money from them, or refuse to provide money for necessary expenses.
Threats of violence and intimidation
DV is characterized by threats, actual acts of violence, and intimidation tactics. An abuser may use threatening looks or actions, such as holding a gun, knife, bat, mace, or another weapon. These threats may be accompanied by physical and verbal abuse, such as critiques of the partner's appearance, personality, or other hurtful remarks.
Rigid relationship roles
An abusive person may hold antiquated beliefs about how people of specific genders are "supposed to behave" in relationships. They may expect the other partner to serve, obey them, and remain at home, hiding these tactics under the guise of "religion" or " duty." While these beliefs are often present in heterosexual relationships, domestic violence can occur in all relationships, regardless of the partners'' gender identities or sexual orientations.
Cruelty to animals or children
Someone who abuses another individual may have a history of severely punishing, harming, or killing animals. They may also expect children to do chores and tasks that are beyond their developmental abilities, tease children, or otherwise mistreat them.
Every relationship is unique, and it may be difficult to recognize some warning signs of abuse as an outsider to a relationship. While some signs of abuse develop over time, others may be more noticeable. For instance, the individual might publicly embarrass their partner in front of other people or harass them at work.
Ultimately, DV is a pattern of unhealthy behaviors. If you repeatedly encounter any of these signs over an extended period, consider contacting the National Domestic Hotline for further support.
What to do if you suspect domestic violence
If you suspect that a friend, coworker, family member, or acquaintance is experiencing domestic violence, there are steps you can take to support that person safely and proactively. Note that safety is a top priority for you and this person. If you feel unsafe providing support, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for further direction.
Let them know you're there
Before checking in with someone, ensure it's safe for them to talk. Some abusive individuals may use digital means to monitor their partner's actions and interactions, and it may not be safe to ask if they're experiencing abuse directly. Find a safe space where the person's partner is unavailable and suggest. Be specific, clear, and careful with your language when you meet. You can say, "I'm wondering if someone might be hurting you, " and see how the conversation progresses.
Unless the person uses the word "abuse" to describe their situation, avoid labeling their experience until you have more information about their condition, concerns, and the language they use to describe their circumstances. Note that some people may try to cover up the abuse out of fear. If they are showcasing signs of fear when talking to you, let them know you can support them in finding resources when they're ready.
Offer resources
You might not be a licensed professional or equipped with professional knowledge to combat DV. However, there are local and regional resources that you can suggest to someone experiencing abuse. In addition to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, look for resources at their school, workplace, city, or communal space.
Suggest a safety plan
A safety plan is a set of actions that can lower a person's risk of being hurt by their partner. The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers an interactive tool for making your own plan. If you're concerned about someone, you can give them this resource and create your own "code words" or sub plans for safety.
If the situation escalates, tell the person they can call or text you with a code word or phrase. For example, "I'm making soup for dinner" may clue you in without notifying the abusive partner. You can create a code word to respond to ask if the person wants you to call the police or help them in another way. Come up with a plan that works for you.
Seek professional support
Witnessing and experiencing domestic violence and supporting someone in this situation may take a toll on your mental health. A professional, external eye to assess a situation may offer insight and promote safety and mental well-being.
Seek support with online therapy
If you or someone you know is struggling with an unhealthy relationship, you might benefit from using an online therapy platform. Using a digital platform like BetterHelp, individuals can match with a licensed, experienced therapist from a safe space. Clients can schedule sessions to align with their personal lives, parenting obligations, or other concerns that might make traditional therapy less accessible.
Research shows that online therapy can be as effective as in-person counseling for many people. For instance, a 2022 study found that online therapy could be as effective as in-person therapy for those who have experienced abuse or domestic violence. The study confirmed that online therapy could reduce logistical barriers and provide safety for people with disabilities or health conditions.
Takeaway
What are 5 ways to prevent violence?
While situations involving violence can be complicated and may require unique solutions, there are a few prevention techniques that may be helpful. Here are five potential beneficial ways to prevent or stop domestic violence.
- Seek Professional Help: Seeking the assistance of a counselor or referrals to other mental healthcare professionals may help to prevent violent events from occurring. These counseling sessions may be one-on-one with survivors or abusers, or with both parties in the form of couples counseling. However, couples counseling is only recommended in specific circumstances, as it may pose a risk to the survivor.
- Check Out Local Domestic Violence Programs: One way to help prevent domestic violence on a community level is to find and support local domestic violence programs and crisis intervention services. These programs can be helpful in a variety of ways, including providing mental health services to survivors of domestic violence, educating the public, and offering medical care.
- Research Domestic Violence: Educating oneself about domestic violence can be essential in order to understand what impact violence can have on individuals and what types of assistance programs are out there. In addition, domestic violence research can show someone what signs to look for in order to identify domestic abuse.
- Watch For Warning Signs: Watching for the warning signs of domestic violence in your own relationships and the relationships of others can be an effective prevention method. These signs may include verbal abuse, gaslighting, disrespecting boundaries, and isolation from loved ones.
- Establish a Support Network: Creating a supportive network of friends, family, and other loved ones that you can connect with may help to prevent domestic violence. Because abusers often want to isolate a person in order to establish a greater sense of control, a strong support network can help to keep a person safe.
What are the primary prevention strategies to reduce violence?
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there are four steps that may be effective in establishing a public health violence prevention plan.
- Define the Problem: The first step in an effective public health plan should be to research and gather information. This may be through the use of surveys, studies, law enforcement databases, child welfare and hospital records, and a number of other sources.
- Identify Risk and Protective Factors: The second step will include examining the warning signs and risks for violence by analyzing your gathered information. From there, you can identify what defensive factors decrease the number of violent events and what risk factors increase them.
- Develop and Test Prevention Strategies: Once you’ve identified the relevant factors, you can design prevention strategies that encourage defensive factors and discourage risk factors. These strategies will be tested in smaller rollouts in order to determine which are most effective.
- Assure Widespread Adoption: After the most effective strategies have been selected, you can begin to implement them on a wider scale. Some strategies may function perfectly on a smaller scale but could run into challenges when adopted by communities as a whole. As a result, these programs may need to be adjusted as you notice their strengths and weaknesses.
What are the three R's for preventing and avoiding domestic violence?
The three R’s for preventing and avoiding domestic violence are typically Recognize, Respond, and Refer.
- Recognize: This step involves looking for the signs that indicate abuse is occurring. These behaviors can vary but often involve physical abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse, or emotional abuse.
- Respond: As a bystander, responding to abuse can be a challenging and stressful situation. In many cases, it's important to maintain a sense of calm and listen carefully if a survivor informs you of an abusive situation.
- Refer: Once you’ve noticed or been informed of an abusive situation, it can be helpful to refer a person to abuse resources. These may include national or local programs and may vary based on what type of abuse is occurring.
What domestic violence prevention levels deal with short term consequences?
The domestic violence prevention level most associated with short-term consequences is secondary prevention. This level occurs immediately after an instance of violence, including addressing short-term consequences and the immediate needs of the survivor. These needs may vary but often include seeking medical assistance or other emergency services in order to address any potential injuries or legal ramifications of the incident. The secondary level is typically designed to help survivors (sometimes incorrectly referred to as ‘victims’) and prevent further violent events from occurring.
What are 3 protective factors that prevent violence?
There are many factors that can help to prevent violence, including those specifically focused on the individual, families, and communities. Here is a sample protective factor from each of these categories.
- Individual Protective Factor: One potentially effective individual protective factor can be to establish a positive support network. This network may include friends, family, faculty members of your school, co-workers, or any number of other individuals.
- Family Protective Factor: A helpful family protective factor can be creating a healthy and stable environment for children to grow up in. In addition to preventing violence, a nurturing home life can have a positive effect on physical and emotional health and may set individuals up for success in their personal, academic, and work lives in the future.
- Community Protective Factor: Communities that have an abundance of health and human resource programs may be more adept at preventing violence. These programs can directly assist survivors by providing medical help, education, and access to mental health services that may help to address their trauma.
Are the 3 levels of prevention for violence?
There are three primary levels of prevention for violence: primary prevention, secondary prevention, and tertiary prevention.
- Primary Prevention: This level of prevention occurs before a violent event takes place. Preventative measures in this category may include educational programs, community services, and public health programs designed to reduce or identify violence before it begins.
- Secondary Prevention: Secondary prevention happens after a violent situation occurs. This level involves any immediate consequences that follow these events, including taking care of the survivor by contacting emergency services.
- Tertiary Prevention: The final prevention level occurs during a longer period of time after a violent event. This may include providing long-term physical and emotional care to survivors or rehabilitation of the abuser.
What are 3 prevention strategies?
There are a variety of strategies that may help to prevent domestic and intimate partner violence, including:
- Education: Educational campaigns can be an effective way to prevent domestic violence. This can start at an early age, with programs that teach children and youth about the elements of a safe and respectful home environment.
- Establish Safe Environments: In addition to educating about safe environments, it can also be important to help establish them. Growing up in a healthy home can help to reduce the occurrence of violent behavior later in life; in addition, witnessing violence in childhood can be traumatic, which may contribute to the development of mental disorders like PTSD.
- Create Community Outreach: Community outreach and domestic violence programs can help prevent violent events and provide services to those in abusive relationships. These services may include (but aren’t limited to) medical care, crisis intervention, financial assistance, and mental health counseling.
What are the six prevention strategies?
While prevention methods can vary based on personal preference and the nature of an abusive situation, here are six domestic violence prevention strategies that may be beneficial.
- Offer Financial Support: Financial strain may add tension to a relationship that could contribute to instances of domestic violence. By creating financial support programs, more of these violent events may be prevented.
- Teach Proper Conflict Resolution: Youth and adult educational courses centering around healthy relationships and conflict resolution may also be beneficial in preventing domestic violence. These programs could highlight the qualities of a healthy relationship and address specific techniques to resolve arguments peacefully.
- Couples Counseling: A marriage or couples counselor may be able to help partners address potential challenges before they escalate. However, it's important to note that these types of sessions are only used in specific circumstances, as they may put a survivor at risk of harm.
- Survivor Services: Survivor support programs can offer services to help individuals experiencing domestic violence. This can not only help to reduce harm, but may function as a way to prevent future violent events from occurring.
- Check In With Loved Ones: Watching for the signs of domestic violence in the relationships close to you may also be an effective prevention tool. By checking in with loved ones, you can ensure their partners are not displaying any abusive traits.
- Learn Risk Factors: Having an awareness of risk factors for domestic violence can also help you spot warning signs early. These factors can vary, but may include substance misuse, struggles with anger, and low self-esteem.
What are some prevention strategies?
There are a variety of domestic violence prevention strategies that may be effective at preventing domestic violence, including the following:
- Teach Healthy Relationship and Resolution Skills: Educating the public about healthy relationships and conflict resolution could be a good step toward preventing domestic violence. These programs may focus on the common qualities that healthy relationships discuss, what types of conflict resolution techniques are most effective, and what to do in the event of a violent event.
- Provide Financial Support: In some cases, individuals will stay in an abusive relationship because they cannot afford to leave. Providing ways for survivors of domestic violence to find financial independence may help to prevent further instances of domestic violence.
- Establish Housing Programs: If domestic violence survivors do not have a way to find housing, they may stay with abusive partners which could result in further instances of violence. In these cases, housing and other outreach programs may help to prevent domestic violence by giving survivors a way to leave a dangerous situation without fear of becoming unhoused.
What are the 3 R's for responding to aggressive behavior?
The 3 R’s for responding to aggressive behavior are typically Recognize, Respond, and Refer. These three components refer to one potentially effective strategy for bystanders of abuse to utilize in order to react appropriately. This strategy starts with recognizing what abuse looks like, including the emotional, physical, verbal, financial, and sexual ways it can manifest. Once recognized, a bystander can appropriately respond by staying calm, listening to survivors, and if necessary, contacting the appropriate emergency services. The final step, refer, involves providing a list of local and national resources that a survivor can use for assistance.
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