I Hate My Life, What Does This Say About The People In It?

By Patricia Oelze|Updated July 11, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Wendy Galyen, LCSW, BC-TMH

Although some people believe that blood is thicker than water, there is something to be said for your chosen family and the people you continually surround yourself with. Even when you select your friends, however, it is possible to find yourself at odds with the people with whom you surround yourself, or feeling as though you are not quite satisfied with the group of people you’ve chosen to enter your life. This can also be seen in marriages, wherein one or both partners is unsatisfied with their chosen partner.

When people begin to experience a feeling of hatred or dissatisfaction regarding their life, they may turn to the people they associate with to determine if those people are the source of their ire. After all, if you are experiencing a great deal of dissatisfaction, isn’t it best to look around you to determine the source of the issue?

While you may feel as though looking outward is the most logical solution to experiencing dissatisfaction, hating your life may say less about the people in your life, and may say more about your inner landscape.

Dissatisfied With Your Current Relationships?

Inner Versus Outer: The Source of Dissatisfaction

There are different avenues to take when trying to determine the source of dissatisfaction in your life. For some, dissatisfaction comes from external components, such as relationships, careers, and even location. For others, dissatisfaction comes largely from within, resulting from self-esteem issues, declining or less than optimal mental health, or fragmented relationships. Although both can result in the same degree of dissatisfaction, the road to resolving that dissatisfaction and achieving life satisfaction is drastically different.

Outer dissatisfaction can be mitigated by making changes to your routines, surroundings, and relationships. These changes can be small, such as stepping down from responsibilities at work, or more substantial, such as stepping away from a group of friends or relationship altogether.

Inner dissatisfaction is usually tackled by evaluating your inner life. This can include checking in with your mental health, evaluating your attachment patterns and communication habits, and ruminating on your thought processes and behaviors. Resolving internal issues can involve practices you enact yourself, such as journaling, exercising, and improving your habits, or may involve more intensive approaches, including therapy or counseling.

Dissatisfaction and Relationships

Relationship satisfaction can play a key role in overall life satisfaction and a sense of well-being. Romantic relationships can help support general life satisfaction, provided that they are healthy, satisfying romantic relationships. Friendships can also predict general life satisfaction, as people with strong friendships may report higher levels of life satisfaction and happiness. 

Resolving relationship satisfaction is not cut-and-dried. Relationship dissatisfaction can be alleviated by improving communication habits or tending to your mental health and any previous traumas or hurts whether those are incurred by relationships or not. It can also be alleviated by removing yourself from friendships, partnerships, or familial relationships that are continually draining you and creating a sense of turmoil within you.

Identifying relationships as the primary source of dissatisfaction in your life can be difficult, but there are different ways that relationships can lead to a loss of satisfaction. Some relationships can be healed, while others are better off dissolved and left behind.

Inner Dissatisfaction and Relationships

There are two types of inner dissatisfaction in relationships: your own inner dissatisfaction, and the inner dissatisfaction of the relationship itself. Your own dissatisfaction can really only be addressed by turning inward, and may not need to involve the other person in the relationship. If you are consistently dissatisfied in your friendships, for instance, you may discover that your relationship expectations are unrealistic and are in need of some fine-tuning. If you are perpetually displeased with your romantic pursuits, you may be in need of an evaluation of unhealthy attachment and relationship patterns from previous relationships (and even childhood relationships).

If inner dissatisfaction is not unique to you, but is present in the relationship for both parties, the way to address the issue will likely differ. Couples or family counseling can be used to determine the source of the issue, in order to improve both parties’ sense of disappointment. It may also be that the people in the relationship are no longer interested in the same things and are best off leaving the relationship behind.

External Satisfaction and Relationships

External satisfaction in relationships differs from inner satisfaction, because it involves looking outward. Time spent together, the types of activities you engage in, and even the circumstances surrounding the relationship can all lead to external relationship satisfaction (or a lack of satisfaction). If, for you find yourself always being expected to go out with friends and you prefer to stay in, you might experience external relationship dissatisfaction.

If your friendship is tied to a previous romantic relationship, former in-laws, or other uncomfortable relationships, that can also lead to external dissatisfaction. These forms of dissatisfaction can also be resolved by either dissolving the relationship, or by trying to reframe the circumstances of the relationship through restructuring the people you spend time with as a group or create boundaries regarding conversation and discussion. 

The Science of Friendships and Relationships

While it may not seem particularly important to invest a great deal of time or attention in relationships that are not familial or romantic, friendship is incredibly important and, some researchers have found, potentially even help people live longer and discover a sense of purpose. For this reason, it is important to evaluate your relationships and determine whether they are healthy and positive. Just as healthy, uplifting relationships can increase health, toxic and damaging relationships can negative impact health.

Relationships are important sociological constructs, as they provide a window into how a society functions, what people value, and how people interact with one another. Both sociological and psychological peeks into relationships determine the impact of relationships on health. When surrounded by loving and supportive friends, family members, and partners, people can expect to enjoy greater quality of life. When surrounded by unsupportive and unkind relationships, mental health can experience a decline.

Relationships are influential because the people you live with and around very often reflect your values and determine how you live your life. People with similar values, habits, and lifestyle preferences tend to flock together, which further reinforces those values, habits, and preferences. When you are at odds with the belief systems, habits, or values of the people around you—or you find those components harmful—your mental health can decline. When you are in congruence with those components, your mental health can improve.

Humans are social creatures, and value a strong sense of community and support. Relationships of all kinds are essential to create community and strong networks of support, and can have both a positive and negative impact on how you feel about your life.

Looking Elsewhere

If your relationships are not the source of your frustration with your life, it may be time to look elsewhere. Difficulties with your relationship can actually stem from existing issues with your life, rather than the other way around. If you are experiencing grief, for instance, your relationships may be negatively impacted. If your mental health has declined and treatment is not sought, your relationships can also be negatively impacted. Trouble at work, in school, and at home can all also negatively impact your relationships. Addressing the root cause of your frustration or dissatisfaction can alleviate your issues with your life and improve the strength and joy found in your relationships overall.

Hating Your Life: What Does It Mean for Your Relationships?

Hating your life does not always indicate that your relationships are problematic or in need of changing o leaving behind. Career dissatisfaction, personal disappointment, and disillusionment can all play a role in how you feel about your life, and may not involve your relationships at all. When you are deeply dissatisfied with your life, however, it does impact your relationships; people who are not happy with the trajectory of their lives may take that same dissatisfaction and attach it to their relationships, and make assumptions about how their relationships have contributed to their lives.

Hating your life can mean that your relationships need to be evaluated or worked on, or it could mean that your relationships may need to be nurtured and even coddled, while you get to the root of your dissatisfaction, whether that comes from your career, your health (physical or mental), or another experience or event entirely.

Hating your life is not a life sentence. By evaluating yourself, your health, your surroundings, your relationships, and your habits, you may be able to determine precisely what it is that is prompting these feelings, in order to effectively address and improve these issues. Consulting with a mental health professional can alleviate some of the sources of hating your life. The mental health professionals working through BetterHelp are available to provide therapy online, offering the same high-quality, safe therapy delivered in clinics from the comfort of your home. If you find yourself hating your life and eager to get to the root of why, consider reaching out today.

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