Cleaning up: What to do when you feel like your life is in shambles

Medically reviewed by Andrea Brant
Updated January 23, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

You may have heard the saying, "Life is a roller coaster," at some point in your life. While this can be a simplified way to describe life's ups and downs, living with the reality of a chaotic life might not be as simple. Many people feel they've fallen into holes they cannot climb out of. At times, it can feel that your life is in shambles, and you may struggle to figure out how to clean up any mess that has been made. 

There are many reasons someone may feel like they've lost control of their life. This feeling may be attributed to the loss of a job, financial strain, the end of a relationship, the loss of a loved one, illness, untreated mental health conditions, and numerous other difficulties. In many cases, you may struggle with multiple factors at once. 

Know that you are not alone if you feel your life is in shambles. During these times, it can be essential to have self-compassion, coping mechanisms to fall back on, and tangible tips for cleaning up your life.

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Feeling like your life is a mess?

Techniques for cleaning up a chaotic life

Below are a few techniques for decluttering your life, regardless of why you might feel it is "in shambles." 

Practicing self-compassion 

When you feel that your life is in shambles, you might spend a significant portion of your time partaking in self-conflict. This behavior might look like negative self-talk, self-destructive actions, or an unwillingness or disinterest in making change. Additionally, these feelings and actions may come with guilt. You might blame yourself for the state of your life, leading to a continually decreasing sense of self-worth and self-esteem. 

When living with guilt or low self-esteem, it can be challenging to practice self-compassion. While the concept of self-compassion can be simple, putting it into practice might seem easier said than done. However, there might not be a "one-size-fits-all" approach to self-compassion. Self-compassion could look like forgiving yourself for past mistakes, practicing positive affirmations, allowing yourself time to rest, or opening up to yourself or others about the feelings you are experiencing. 

Ensuring self-accountability for your actions

If you feel your current situation is due to faults of your own, your journey to self-compassion may begin with taking accountability. While taking accountability for certain harmful behaviors can be beneficial, accountability doesn't mean "self-hatred." For example, you may feel your life is in shambles because of certain behaviors leading to a relationship's end. Accepting that you have made this mistake without hating yourself for doing so can be possible.  

While taking accountability means taking ownership of what happens because of your choices or actions, self-compassion can also mean allowing yourself grace and space to improve moving forward. Taking accountability could look like apologizing to someone you've wronged, paying off a debt, recognizing your capacity to make mistakes, and forgiving yourself. 

Accepting your humanity 

"No one is perfect" is an affirmation you can use to remind yourself of your humanity. You might notice yourself comparing yourself to others, convincing yourself that people around you are "perfect' or don't make mistakes. However, everyone can make mistakes. Author Ziad K. Abdelnour said, "There's no need to be perfect to inspire others. Let people get inspired by how you deal with your imperfections."

For many, strength comes from how they handle their mistakes. Accepting that it is human to mess up can be an act of self-compassion.
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Recognizing your limiting beliefs

According to Harvard Business School Professor Gerald Zaltman, "95% of all thought and emotional learning occurs in the unconscious mind." This statistic indicates that much of what you learn and feel about yourself and others develops in your subconscious mind

This type of unconscious learning may create limiting beliefs or the "myths" you tell yourself. These limiting beliefs may be positive or negative. For example, you may have a poor financial history, leading to the belief that you are irresponsible with money. Alternatively, you may be someone who previously flourished in high school sports. For this reason, you may tell yourself, "I am a great athlete."  

These limiting beliefs tend to come from past experiences. While these beliefs may have rung true or helped you in the past, these unconscious convictions may be holding you back in the present time. 

A video published by Australian illustrator and author Campbell "Struthless" Walker explains the "canoe metaphor." The metaphor asks you to imagine that you have been tasked with escaping a desert island. In this instance, you are presented with a canoe that you use to cross over the water, yet when you reach land, you still have quite a bit of land to cross before reaching civilization. While the canoe proved helpful in your initial escape, choosing to drag it with you through the rest of your journey may slow you down and hold you back. 

This metaphor creates a way to visualize and understand how letting go of past beliefs or crutches can help you move forward. Recognizing these limiting beliefs and working to let go can play an influential role in cleaning up your life and becoming the person you want to be. 

Tangible ways to improve your life

When you feel like your life is in shambles, the idea of cleaning up the mess can seem overwhelming. Due to the vast information available on self-help and overall life improvement, consider starting with tiny steps and finding tangible tasks that aid your journey. 

Treating yourself as you might treat a friend or loved one

You might notice that you treat your friends and loved ones with more kindness and compassion than you treat yourself. When cleaning up your life, try imagining what you would say to a friend in your position. You might provide a shoulder to lean on and words of encouragement. It can be helpful to treat yourself similarly.

Avoiding social media

While technological advancements continue to make communication and healthcare more widespread, frequent use of social media can lead to comparing your progress to others and the absorption of harmful content. Avoiding social media can help keep you focused on your personal goals. 

“Decluttering” one area of your life at a time

When you feel like your life is in shambles, it may help to focus on improving one problem area at a time. For example, if you feel that poor mental health is the main point of contention in your life, you might begin by seeking treatment before moving on to another area of life, such as finances or relationships. 

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Feeling like your life is a mess?

Connecting with a therapist

No matter why you feel your life is in shambles, a therapist or mental health professional may offer guidance and rationale. In some cases, untreated mental health conditions can contribute to difficulty coping with everyday life, making it difficult to reach out for support. If you relate, you might benefit from online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp, which can connect people to thousands of therapists and many therapeutic modalities that you might find in face-to-face settings as well.

Online therapy services offer a convenient and often affordable starting point for those seeking life guidance. Additionally, recent studies show that online therapy is equally as effective at treating symptoms of certain mental health conditions like depression and anxiety. When you sign up for an online platform, you may feel more in control of your care, as you can choose between phone, video, and chat sessions with your therapist and attend sessions from any location with an internet connection. 

Takeaway

Many people encounter difficult times when they feel their life is "a mess." You are not alone in this experience. If you feel like your life is in shambles, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist to devise a treatment plan and start a new path toward the life you're looking to lead.
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