16 questions that will help you get to know someone better
Most people would like to get to know the people around them better. But it's easy to slip into small talk that passes the time but leaves your conversation partner at a distance. What questions should you ask to get to know someone better?
Although conversation starters vary from person to person, it's almost always a good idea to ask open-ended questions rather than simply stating facts. The post below will show some questions that can help forge a deeper connection and some techniques to further the conversation.
Why asking the right questions is key
To strengthen a relationship, whether it's a business connection, a friendship, or a romance, listening is often more important than talking. Asking questions and listening to the answers can help you better understand a person, build meaningful connections, and improve empathy.
Consider focusing on open-ended questions that allow for more than a yes or no answer. You can also ask follow-up questions to get a more in-depth response that can help you better understand the person you’re talking with.
Here are 16 questions that can give you insights into others and help you create a stronger bond.
#1: What are you looking forward to?
Learning what brings another person joy can tell you what they value. Discussing their upcoming plans can touch on other important aspects of their life, such as friendships, romantic relationships, hobbies, or career goals.
#2: Where are you from?
Asking this question can help you learn about someone’s background and better understand their family dynamics, personal values, and cultural influences.
#3: What brought you here?
Although framed as a "what" question, it's more of a "why" question. You're asking about motivations for coming to the same place as you, which may lead to a discussion about a common interest. Even if the answer is “My friend dragged me here,” that can be an opportunity to learn more about their relationships.
#4: If you could keep the body or the mind of a 30-year-old from now until you die, which would it be?
“Would you rather” questions are a classic type of icebreaker. This one comes from a scientific experiment by psychologist Arthur Aron, who was interested in quickly creating strong interpersonal bonds. Like many conversation-starters, it may work best to take it as a jumping-off point instead of taking the answers too seriously.
#5: Do you have any pet peeves?
Many of us have things that annoy us, but we can hesitate to talk about them too much for fear of being labeled as complainers. This question encourages people to give something small but real that bothers them that’s easy to talk about. It can also provide an opportunity to bond and laugh over similar annoyances.
#6: What do you listen to while driving/commuting?
Are you talking to a podcast listener? A die-hard metal fan? A secret lover of cheesy pop music? Learning about someone’s taste in media can be a window into what makes them tick.
#7: Have you watched any cool movies or shows lately?
Here’s another question about what kind of entertainment your conversation partner likes. As a bonus, it’s also a request for a recommendation. Research suggests that giving advice boosts self-confidence — so asking for it could be an excellent way to get a shy person to open up.
#8: What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s made you cry?
What better way to get to know someone than to learn what makes them feel mushy? This question has two advantages. Number one: it invites them to tell a funny story, which studies show can increase feelings of interpersonal closeness. Number two: it prompts them to talk about the things that make them feel powerful emotions.
#9: Where would you go if you could go anywhere in the world?
Another "would you rather" question, but this one is more open-ended. The answer could be a vacation destination, a famous landmark, the home of a personal hero, or even something unexpected, like Earth’s center or inside a brain cell.
#10: If you knew you only had a year to live, would you change anything about how you’re living? Why or why not?
This question also comes from the Arthur Aron experiment referenced above. There are three sets of questions, ranked from least to most intimate, and this one belongs to Set 2. You can use this once you've overcome some awkwardness and are more comfortable with the person.
#11: What’s your dream job?
A person’s career is often an integral part of their personality, but the question “What do you do?” can feel stale. You'll learn more about the other person's ambitions and wishes by asking what they prefer to do.
#12: What do you do for fun?
You can balance out the career talk by finding out what your new friend likes to do when they’re off the clock. You'll discover a common passion or hobby you can bond over or learn about something new.
#13: Who was the teacher who influenced you the most?
A teacher's influence on a student's life is often significant. Learning about the teachers who affected your friend can provide insight into how they think and approach life. You can also expand the question to include coaches, counselors, mentors, or role models.
#14: If you had 10 million dollars to give to any charity, what would it be?
What you’re asking with this question is: “What do you think would make the world a better place?” It’s an excellent prompt for learning about the values that a person holds most dear. They may strongly believe in poverty relief, environmental causes, animal rights, or other international or domestic issues.
#15: Who’s Your Oldest Friend?
As adults, Americans are most likely to make friends at work, school, or through our existing network of friends. But when we’re younger, we often build friendships with people just because they’re close by. Asking about the friendships that have lasted for decades can open a window into the unique twists and turns of a person’s life story.
#16: What, if anything, is too serious to joke about?
Here’s another question from the Aron experiment, this one from Set 3 — the most intimate and revealing topics. Even if it seems like it will bring down the tone, if you've already developed some trust with the other person, it may be an opportunity for a genuine heart-to-heart.
How to continue a conversation past the opener
Once the conversation has gone past the opener, it can be tough to keep it going. While the above questions can be helpful, they can’t sustain a conversation in the long run.
Here are some general tips for getting better at the art of conversation:
Practice active listening
Asking questions can backfire if the other person feels you’re not listening to their answers. You can make it clear you’re engaged using active listening behaviors such as nodding, maintaining eye contact, keeping your body language open, and restating what they say in your own words.
Ask follow-up questions
You don’t want to use all 16 conversation starters above in a row. Instead, digging deeper into some specific aspect of their answer is often best. For instance, if they say their dream job would be to make movies, you could ask what first got them interested in film or what directors they admire most.
Know when to tell instead of ask
While it’s good to take an interest in the other person, asking non-stop questions might feel more like an interrogation than a conversation. Remember, if you’re doing things right, they’ll want to know more about you too! A simple but effective rule is to ask a question, ask 2-3 follow-up questions, then volunteer some information about yourself.
Therapy may help you improve your conversation skills
For many people, the main difficulty in conversations isn’t knowing the right things to say — it’s having the confidence to say them. If that’s the case for you, working with a trained therapist might help you manage your feelings of social anxiety.
Therapists may also provide practical guidance for improving conversation skills. They might suggest strategies for making small talk or coping skills for managing awkward situations.
Does talking to a counselor sound just as intimidating as talking to a stranger? If so, you might want to consider using an online therapy platform. Research suggests that virtual treatment is as effective as in-person therapy for treating various mental health conditions, like anxiety and depression. With online counseling, you can connect with your therapist from the comfort of your own home.
Takeaway
What are 20 questions to ask to get to know someone?
Getting to know someone can be an enriching experience, and asking the right questions is key. According to psychological studies, engaging in conversations that involve questions can lead to better connections and a higher likelihood of future interactions.
Here are 20 questions that can help you get to know someone on a deeper level:
- What's your favorite childhood memory?
- Can you share a favorite family tradition?
- What's your go-to karaoke song?
- What favorite holiday?
- What's the best gift you've ever received?
- Who is your favorite fictional character?
- Do you have a celebrity crush? Who is it?
- What's your biggest fear?
- What's the best concert you've ever attended?
- What would you do if you had all the money in the world?
- What was your first job?
- Have you ever thought about starting your own business? What kind?
- What's your worst date experience?
- What's your favorite season and why?
- What book has influenced you the most?
- What's a skill you're currently trying to learn?
- What's a place you've always wanted to visit?
- What's an accomplishment you're proud of?
- What's a movie that always makes you laugh?
- What's something you've always wanted to try but haven't yet?
Asking these questions can help spark meaningful conversations and give you a better understanding of the person's experiences, preferences, and perspectives. While knowing their favorite memory may not seem like a big deal, it can open up discussions about their values and relationships with loved ones. However, you should be compassionate and non-judgmental when asking these questions, as everyone has a unique story.
What are really good questions to ask someone?
Some good questions to ask someone depend on the context of the conversation and your relationship with them. Here are some general topics that can lead to interesting discussions:
- Their passions and hobbies
- Their childhood and family dynamics
- Their career goals and dreams
- Travel experiences and cultural perspectives
- Personal beliefs and values
- Favorite books, movies, and music
To get the most out of your questions, try to listen actively and show genuine interest in their responses. Avoid jumping to conclusions or making assumptions, and focus on building a deeper connection. Allow a person to answer without being interrupted, and try to build upon their responses with follow-up questions. Remember, it's not just about asking good questions — it's about actively listening and creating a safe space for open communication.
What to ask your crush?
Have you thought about chatting with your crush? These interactions can be nerve-wracking. Remember, where you two stand with each other matters when figuring out what to talk about. At first, it's usually best to keep things light and fun – you're just getting to know each other, after all. Diving into super personal questions straight away can be a bit much, and it might make things awkward.
Also, it's best to hold off on heavy topics like career advice or the minefield of politics and religion – they're not exactly the things that make for easy, breezy conversation. Instead, you can try some more playful and light-hearted questions. They're a great way to show you're interested and have a good sense of humor. Plus, they can help in breaking the ice.
Here are some examples:
- If you could only eat one type of food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
- What's the most adventurous thing you've ever done?
- What's your guilty pleasure TV show or movie?
- If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
If you focus on engaging and fun questions, your crush is more likely to open up and feel comfortable in your presence. Remember, a good conversation involves giving and receiving information, so be sure to share about yourself as well. Sharing will help you both get to know each other better and potentially lead to a deeper connection.
What are the top 10 most asked questions?
Whether you're on a first date or meeting new friends for the first time, here are ten commonly asked questions that can help you get to know someone:
- Where did you grow up?
- What do you like to do in your free time?
- Do you have any siblings?
- Are you close with your family?
- What's your favorite type of food?
- Do you have any pets?
While these questions may seem basic and surface-level, they can still lead to interesting discussions and give you insight into someone's personality and interests. However, always respect boundaries and avoid prying for personal information if someone seems uncomfortable answering a question.
What is Twenty Questions over text?
Twenty Questions is a game that adapts well to text messaging, offering a fun and engaging way to interact with someone, especially in a budding relationship. Interestingly, some studies suggest that more frequent texting can increase relationship satisfaction, making games like Twenty Questions a great way to deepen connections.
The game's premise is simple. One person thinks of an object, animal, or person, and the other has up to twenty opportunities to ask yes-or-no questions to guess what it is. Over text, this game becomes a playful exchange that can last over a few minutes or be extended throughout the day, depending on the pace of the conversation.
Playing Twenty Questions over text adds an element of entertainment and encourages both participants to be creative with their questions and responses. It can reveal a lot about how each person thinks and their interests, all while keeping the interaction light and enjoyable.
Playing this game through text allows for a comfortable and low-pressure way to interact, which may be particularly beneficial for those still getting to know each other. It can serve as an icebreaker, a way to pass the time, or simply a fun activity to do together.
Why is Twenty Questions so good?
The game of Twenty Questions is popular for several reasons. This simple yet engaging game is a versatile tool for communication and entertainment, making it a favorite in various social settings. Whether you play with a family member or a complete stranger, Twenty Questions can be a fun and effective way to get to know someone better.
Here are some reasons why this game is so good:
- Easy to play: The game's rules are simple, making it easy for anyone to join in on the fun. The only requirement is an active imagination and willingness to engage.
- Encourages creativity: As the questions become more specific and strategic, they can reveal much about how each person thinks and communicates. It's an excellent opportunity to showcase your creativity by asking and answering questions.
- Builds connections: Playing Twenty Questions requires active listening, sharing personal information, and responding thoughtfully. By doing so, players can build a deeper connection and understanding of one another.
- Flexible for different settings: The game can be adapted to different circumstances, such as in-person or over text, making it suitable for various social interactions. It's a versatile and fun activity that can fit into any setting.
No matter how you play, Twenty Questions is a great way to interact and get to know someone better. Just remember, the goal is to have fun and build connections without any pressure or judgment. As you explore different questions and learn more about each other, you may discover new ways of connecting and strengthening your relationship.
What should you ask to get to know a guy?
When getting to know someone, it's helpful to ask open-ended questions that allow for deeper and more meaningful responses. You should avoid yes or no questions as they do not lend themselves well to sparking engaging conversations.
However, the questions you ask should be appropriate for your relationship stage and level of comfort with the person. For example, you may want to start with more general questions and work your way towards deeper, personal inquiries as you become more familiar with each other.
As the conversation flows, it can open doors to ask more specific or thought-provoking questions that can help you understand a person's values, interests, and personality better. Here are some examples of open-ended questions you can ask to get to know a guy:
- What do you value most in life?
- How do you like to spend your free time?
- Who has been the most significant influence in your life?
- What are you most passionate about?
- What's something that always makes you smile?
Getting to know someone is a process that takes time and effort from both parties. When you start with open communication and genuine curiosity, you can build a strong foundation for a meaningful relationship.
What's a good spicy question?
A good spicy question pushes boundaries and elicits a strong reaction or opinion from the person answering it. It can be thought-provoking, controversial, or simply something that makes the other person think outside of their comfort zone.
Here are some examples of spicy questions:
- What's your deepest fear?
- What's a secret you've never told anyone before?
- Where do you like to be touched the most?
- What's your wildest fantasy?
Remember that spicy questions can be fun and stimulating, but they should always be asked with respect and consideration for the other person's boundaries. Through open communication and mutual understanding, you can use these types of questions to improve intimacy and deepen your connection.
What is a very interesting question?
An interesting question encourages critical thinking and invites honest and insightful responses. These types of questions can reveal a lot about a person's thoughts, beliefs, and values.
Here are some examples of very interesting questions:
- If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be?
- What's the most important lesson you've learned in life?
- If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?
- What's something that always makes you reflect on your life?
It doesn't take a complicated or controversial question to spark an interesting conversation. Sometimes, the most intriguing questions are simple and thought-provoking, making them perfect for getting to know someone better. So don't be afraid to ask those questions that pique your curiosity and lead to engaging discussions. You never know what you may learn about a person and yourself through these conversations.
What are deep questions to ask a guy?
The best questions to get to know someone on a deeper level are those that require introspection and self-reflection to answer. These questions can help you understand a person's values, motivations, and aspirations, making for more meaningful conversations.
Here are some examples of deep questions to ask a guy:
- What do you think is your purpose in life?
- How do you define success?
- What has been your biggest challenge or struggle so far?
- What's something you wish more people knew about you?
Sometimes, people get caught up in small talk and surface-level conversations, but if you want to form a deeper connection with someone, asking these types of questions is helpful. While the questions may be intimidating to some people, they can also lead to insightful and enlightening discussions that bring you closer.
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