How To Build Confidence That Lasts: What You Need To Know

While some people may seem to naturally be more confident than others, everyone can experience moments of self-doubt. These periods of low confidence can be natural and expected, even if they’re unwelcome. They may also serve as a reminder that no matter your current level of self-confidence, there can always be room for improvement. A few methods for building confidence can include avoiding comparison, tracking your successes, visualizing yourself as confident, and changing your opinion of failure. You may also find it helpful to work with a licensed therapist to improve your self-confidence.

What is self-confidence?

During a regular day, confidence is often what empowers you to apply for a promotion at work, ask out someone you find yourself attracted to, and request help without feeling naive or unintelligent. It can also enable you to take on everyday responsibilities like commuting to work, cooking a meal, and calling a stranger on the phone. Research has shown that confidence can help with academic achievement as well.

Confidence can be mistaken for arrogance, but these two concepts generally aren’t the same. Truly confident people don't usually worry about trying to draw attention to themselves to make sure they are being recognized. This is normally because someone who is truly confident does not need constant affirmation from others to feel good about themselves.

What impacts self-confidence?

Self-confidence can be impacted by previous life experiences and relationships. Negative experiences may decrease self-confidence, while positive experiences can increase it.

Let’s look at spelling in school, for example. If you achieved an A on your first spelling test as a child, your confidence regarding your ability to spell likely increased. However, if you failed your test and were admonished by your teacher, your confidence likely decreased.

Abusive* or critical relationships can also harm self-confidence, as can traumatic events. If you feel like a past experience is hindering your ability to be confident in yourself, you may benefit from speaking with a mental health professional.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

*If you or a loved one is witnessing or experiencing any form of abuse, please know that help is available. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline anytime at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

How to build confidence that lasts

While some people may be more self-confident than others, it can be possible for everyone to improve their self-confidence. The following actions ways to improve your confidence may be beneficial.

Stop comparing yourself to others

Each person tends to be different, and that can mean each individual has their own strengths and weaknesses. Rather than comparing your weaknesses against others' strengths, you might do your best to reflect on what you’re proud of and where you may need to grow.

When you stop comparing yourself to others, you may see your self-confidence grow. One study reported that students who rarely compared themselves to others usually had higher confidence in reading, writing, and time management than those who often compared themselves to others.

You may also find it helpful to step away from social media if it leads you to compare yourself to others.

Track your successes

Try tracking your successes, starting by listing three areas in which you’ve succeeded each day. You might write down these lists so that you can refer to them later on. When you see the areas where you are competent and successful, you may naturally begin to feel more confident. If you struggle with low confidence, it might be hard for you to identify three daily successes, but doing so can prove helpful in the long run. 

It may also be beneficial to partake in activities you are naturally good at. When you see yourself succeed, you will likely experience a boost in self-confidence. These feelings can carry over into other areas of your life.

Visualize yourself as confident

Visualizations can be powerful tools that you may use to build confidence. You might spend time each day visualizing yourself stepping out, taking risks, and succeeding at them. This is essentially practicing being confident. Rehearse in your head the way that you will confidently respond to opportunities that you are presented with. The more you "practice," the more likely you may be to act confidently when new situations arise.

Change your opinion of failure

Many people who fear failure also struggle with handling failure. It can be hard to remain confident if you become upset, angry, or frustrated every time you fail at something. If you think that you are a "failure" because you didn't achieve exactly what you wanted at something, it may be challenging for you ever truly to feel confident. Instead, you can reframe how you think about failure.

When you think of failure as a learning opportunity and a possible way to grow, it can become more of a positive thing. Rather than thinking of giving up and losing confidence, you can consider yourself more prepared and knowledgeable in the future.

Quit the negative self-talk

Many people say negative things about themselves that they would never say to anyone else. For example, calling yourself "a failure" is generally different from recognizing that you didn't meet your goal. You may not succeed at building self-confidence if you are constantly knocking yourself down. 

If you find yourself harshly critiquing yourself, you might ask yourself if you would say these things to a friend or family. If the answer is no, you might question why you are saying it to yourself. 

Along with limiting negative talk, you can also practice self-compassion. This normally involves showing yourself kindness and grace when you are going through tough periods. One study suggests that self-compassion is often linked to self-confidence, so being kind to yourself may be a good way to improve your confidence.

Practice self-care

One of the most beneficial steps you can take in building your confidence may be to take care of yourself. You might aim to eat nourishing meals, exercise regularly, and get a good night’s sleep each night. When you take care of your mind and body, you are more likely to feel confident in your abilities and beliefs. 

Surround yourself with supportive people

While self-confidence typically comes from within, other people may impact it. If you are surrounded by people who belittle, insult, or doubt you, you will likely find that your confidence crumbles. Instead, you can surround yourself with individuals who support you, regardless of whether you think you are succeeding or failing. When you receive outside support from others, you may be more likely to believe in yourself.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

Sometimes, improving your self-confidence can require more than putting in work on your own. If you find you are struggling to believe in yourself and your abilities, it may be worthwhile to turn to a licensed therapist for help. One 2018 study showed that participating in cognitive behavioral therapy could improve self-confidence, and another study suggested that art therapy could improve self-confidence related to big life events like childbirth.

While therapy may be an effective way to improve your self-confidence, you may not have the confidence to meet with a professional in person. If that’s the case for you, you can consider online therapy. This can empower you to connect with a professional therapist from a familiar space like your home, which can make you feel more at ease.

Recent reviews of studies investigating online therapy have suggested that this method of therapy can be just as effective as traditional in-person therapy for treating symptoms related to depression, anxiety, and panic disorders, among other mental health challenges. Therefore, one can infer that online therapy could also be an effective way to improve self-confidence.