My Wife Has No Desire For Sex. What Can I Do To Improve Our Sex Lives?

Updated February 2, 2022

Sex is something that is an important component of a healthy relationship. It can be problematic when your marriage is suffering due to sex-related issues. You might feel like your wife has no desire for sex any longer and this could mean that there are long gaps between sex sessions. If you’re worried about the health of your marriage, then you might want to know what you can do to improve your sex life. There are actually many things that you should be doing and it’s good to acknowledge a problem or sexual dysfunction rather than continuing to ignore it.

Don’t Make Assumptions

The first thing to recognize is that you shouldn’t be making assumptions about your wife and her sexual desires. She might not be showing you the usual signs that she wants to have sex, but it isn’t necessarily true that your wife has no desire for sex. Sometimes people make the mistake of assuming something based on the evidence without really seeing things through. The truth is that there are many reasons why someone might stop trying to initiate sexual encounters. It could be a sex drive issue, but it could also be something else entirely. It’s going to make sense to be honest with your wife and to have a good conversation about what is going on.

Talk To Your Wife

Before you start taking steps to improve your sex life, it’s going to be necessary to have a conversation with your wife about what is happening. Be honest with her and let her know that you have noticed the differences in her sex drive as of late. Tell her that you’re worried and let her know that you’re wondering whether she still has a desire for sex. Don’t approach this conversation in a hostile way and avoid being accusatory. This should be a calm conversation where you discuss what is going on and try to figure out what is happening with your wife.

You might find out that she is going through something in her life that is keeping her from wanting to have sex. Sometimes people lose interest in sex because they’re depressed and other times, it could be because of body image issues. There are many reasons why someone can lose touch with their sexual desires. Your wife’s sex drive might not be what it once was, but there could be other things keeping her from wanting sex with you on a regular basis. A lack of sex can also be an indication of other marital problems that you might need to discuss. For instance, you might not feel as close to each other as you did in the past.

Take the time to calmly speak about things and then decide how to move forward from there. If you both still love each other and are committed to making the marriage work, then it’s going to be possible to improve things. Just know that you can’t start suggesting sex ideas without addressing what is causing things to be like this. If your issues are simply due to a lack of passion or getting older, then things can change positively by making some adjustments.

Make More Time for Each Other

One of the simplest changes that you can make is to schedule more time to be together. Your wife might not feel as close to you as she once did due to changes in your schedule. It’s very possible that both of you could be working a lot and you might even have children to take care of. These life responsibilities can make it tough to find the time to just enjoy being together. Even so, it’s worthwhile to make the effort to spend time just enjoying being a couple.

You don’t necessarily have to try to initiate sex during these times together either. Sometimes just spending time cuddling up on the couch and watching a movie together is important. You need to make time for each other and you should try to enjoy each other’s company again. If this isn’t something that you have been doing regularly as of late, then you might be surprised by how much it will change things. Your wife’s sex drive might even get better due to being close to you again. For some couples, simply spending more time together will solve sex drive issues.

Show More Affection

Certain couples will also stop showing affection as often as they used to due to being so busy. Perhaps you used to kiss each other in the morning before leaving for work but that habit has fallen by the wayside. These little acts of physical intimacy can mean more than you know. It’s going to be helpful for your sex lives to try to start showing more affection to each other little by little. Give your wife a kiss and hug her to let her know that you care. Show each other affection in ways that you’re comfortable with and her sex drive will likely improve rapidly.

Physical affection can help to improve sex drive issues. Sexual desire might be stimulated due to kissing one another and this can lead to you having more sex again. You could also try showing affection in more intimate ways when you have alone time together. For example, offering your wife a massage might be a good way to get her in the mood. It won’t necessarily rouse her sexual desire and you shouldn’t expect sex as some type of reward for giving a massage, but it can be a good gesture. Learn to enjoy being close again and these sex drive problems might become a thing of the past.

Take Her On Dates

Your wife having no desire for sex might be related to you not putting in the effort to be romantic. Some spouses forget to keep the romance alive and they fall into a rut in their relationships. How long has it been since you took her out on a date? If you can’t even remember when your last date was, then it might be time to schedule one. This lack of sexual desire could be a wake-up call for you to put in more effort to romance your wife. Get a reservation at her favorite restaurant and make her feel special. Doing things like this can help to spark romantic feelings because it will let her know that you care and that you want her to be happy.

Going on a few dates might help to improve your wife’s sex drive and it can also make you feel closer as a couple again. If you have children, then it’s prudent to try to find a babysitter so that you can start going on these dates from time to time. It might not be possible to do this more than once or twice per month, but it’s still good to put in the effort. Try to schedule dates when you can and don’t hold back on the romance. This isn’t just about your wife’s sex drive and it’s actually just good for the health of your marriage. If her sex drive improves, then that’ll be the icing on the cake.

Talk About Sexual Fantasies/Start Spicing Things Up in the Bedroom

Working on your sex life is going to be an important part of improving things as well. You might have problems together because you simply aren’t on the same page sexually. Sometimes two people will love each other very much but they will still not understand what the other wants out of sex. Your wife might have sexual desires and fantasies that aren’t being fulfilled. It’s likely that you have your own sexual desires that you would like to act on, too. You can discuss this with your wife and try to see where you can find commonalities.

Spending a bit of time discussing sex can even be a bit of a turn on and will have an impact on sex drive. As long as your wife isn’t avoiding sex due to sexual dysfunction, it should be fine to be open about sex ideas and fantasies that you have. Encourage her to open up to you and don’t judge her for what her fantasies are. This is just about getting things out and seeing what types of sex she might be interested in. Remember that some people will have sexual desires that they will never act on and others will have strong sexual urges that they will want to explore.

If you both feel comfortable with certain sexual fantasies, then you could work to make them come true. It might be best to start out with easy things that won’t be too tough to accomplish. Also, you should be honest with your spouse if you aren’t comfortable with certain ideas. Make it clear to your wife that she is in no way obligated to try to fulfill your fantasies either. These are just fantasies that you can attempt if both parties find them to be appealing and you want to go for it. If you go this route, then you could wind up seeing your wife’s sex drive increase dramatically. It might not work for every couple, but many of them have had success by talking about sexual fantasies and then making some changes to their sex lives based on the conversations.

Spicing things up in the bedroom should help you to improve your wife’s sex drive and you can implement some of the fantasies that you talked about. If the sex is more engaging than ever, then her sex drive is going to be better than it was before. Sometimes smaller changes can also spice things up and improve the experience, too. Have you gotten into the habit of just having sex the same way each time that you do it? This can get kind of monotonous and it takes the spontaneity out of sex. Changing up your sex positions might actually stir your wife’s sex drive quite a bit.

Try out new sexual positions and talk to her to see if this changes things with her sex drive. It might help her to take her sex drive to new heights and you’ll be able to start enjoying sex together more consistently. If her desire for sex doesn’t change much, then there are other ideas that you should consider if you need more help improving her sex drive. Some couples try adding toys to the bedroom to give her some extra stimulation. You could also try new sex acts that you haven’t been doing before. There are many applications available in your phone’s app store that can help you and your partner become more intimate such as by getting to know each other’s sexual interests and desires. An application may make it easier to initiate discussion or try new activities as you learn to explore together. As long as you’re both comfortable with doing these things, it’s going to be beneficial for your sex life

Consider Relationship Counseling

It might also be a good idea to consider speaking to a therapist to get extra help if you need it. Some couples feel like they need a neutral professional to help them get to the bottom of these issues. Your wife might have a problem with sexual dysfunction that she needs to deal with or there could be other marital issues that need to be addressed. A relationship counselor will be happy to assist you and you can work through these issues over time. They have helped many couples to overcome sexual dysfunction and get back to enjoying each other again. If you need sex therapy for issues that you’re experiencing, then compassionate professionals will be there to provide you with advice.

You should also know that it’s possible to get help online if you don’t want to leave home. An online therapy session will allow you to work on your issues as a couple in a discreet fashion. This is an affordable and convenient way to get the help that has worked wonders for many people. Whether you’re dealing with sexual dysfunction or if you just want to work on sex drive issues. Both in-person therapy and online therapy are effective options.

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