Five Strategies For Lasting Love

Many of us seek a love that lasts forever, but we may not realize the commitment and effort that is often needed to sustain a relationship long-term. Going on romantic getaways, making time for date nights, enjoying couples massages, attending couples therapy, and growing together can all be strategies to help your love last. You may wish to consider online therapy as an alternative to traditional couples therapy, as it may better accommodate busy schedules and add convenience.

How can you make love last?

Most loving relationships require commitment and effort to last long-term. Below, find several strategies that may keep the romance alive and help your love last.

1. Go on romantic getaways

One of the reasons that feelings of love can fade is that life can intervene. Often, dating relationships begin when both parties have fewer day-to-day responsibilities. Now, you might be married with children, pets, and a mortgage. You might have demanding jobs, housework, childcare, and errands that take up the time you previously spent enjoying experiences with your partner. Over time, it may become necessary to be more intentional about making time for your partner.

The romantic getaway is often thought of as a tried-and-true method of preserving deep affection in romantic relationships. Often, just the process of planning a trip gives you something to look forward to together. Whether you choose to go on an affordable weekend getaway or a luxurious vacation can be completely up to you. It’s possible to save up credit card points to reduce travel and hotel costs, and you might set aside savings for romantic getaways as well. If you have children and pets, you may need to plan out care for them ahead of time. While it can be a bit nerve-wracking to leave them behind, it can also be important to spend time with your partner one-on-one to strengthen your bond and cultivate feelings of love.

It can be the mundane everyday parts of life that lead the affectionate feelings you have for your partner to fade. Getting away from the routine for a few days can remind you of why you fell in love with each other and promote good mental health as you leave behind your typical stressors. When you return to your routine, you may be able to look back fondly on the trip you just took, and you’ll likely look forward to another one. You’ll also probably have some new memories related to the adventures that you enjoyed together. 

2. Make time for date nights

Romantic getaways don’t always fit into the budget, but there are other ways to spend time together that don’t require as large of a financial commitment. A date night can function as a mini vacation where you don’t even need to leave town. You might choose to have one a couple of times a month or even every week. Again, you can get a babysitter for the kids if need be, and you can go to a favorite restaurant or try a new one. You can see a movie, go bowling, explore a museum, or do something more adventurous, like rock climbing or paintball. Taking walks together and attending local events can also be low-cost options. All dates can be great ways to help foster a greater sense of closeness and affection.

While on your date, you might choose to avoid discussing topics like finances or anything else that might spoil the mood. Instead, you might talk about your hopes and dreams for the future. If you don’t want the night to end, it’s possible you could choose to stay at a hotel for the night. If it’s financially feasible, then the expenditure may be worth it if it means that you get some quality time with your partner. Quality time can be a crucial part of relationships.

It can be a great idea to take turns picking what each person wants to do for date night. That way, each of you can do something nice for the other person, and you can enjoy each other’s hobbies and passions. It can be human nature to feel more connected when you feel genuinely seen and cared for by another person.

3. Enjoy couples massages

Another way to escape the grind of everyday life may be to go for a massage at a day spa. You can get manicures and pedicures together to start the day, get your skin exfoliated, or enjoy other spa treatments. Then you can lie down next to each other and enjoy a professional massage while relaxing music plays. You can forget yourselves for a few hours, and when you return to your lives, you may feel refreshed and more able to communicate with one another. This can lead to greater satisfaction and compassion for each other.

Often, stress can contribute to lessened feelings of love toward your partner simply because you have many other things on your mind. When that stress goes away, you might be amazed by the way your love feels stronger.

4. Attend couples counseling

Sometimes, part of what causes feelings of affection to dissipate is a conflict or unwanted behaviors on the part of either partner. A common problem, though, can be a lack of communication around these unwanted behaviors or conflicts. If you don’t clearly communicate your thoughts and feelings, it can be hard for your partner to realize that there is a problem in the first place.

It can be important that both partners try to be open and use their words as much as possible. If you or your partner are feeling hurt,  having conversations can help the relationship move in a positive, healthy direction. Similarly, it may be beneficial to communicate feelings of appreciation, love and affection regularly– you may not want to focus only on negative things in your conversations, but positive ones as well!

Sometimes the reason that you might not tell your partner what they’re doing or saying is upsetting to you is that you don’t know exactly how to bring it up. It might not be an issue for a while, but if it has progressed to the point that their actions diminish your love for them, then it may be time to take action before feelings of resentment or even hostility begin to surface.

Couples therapy may be helpful if you’re not sure how to broach a topic that seems to be off-limits in your relationship. You might decide that you need someone there to act as a buffer, a referee of sorts who can steer the conversation in a productive direction if it seems to be going off the rails. Some individuals can be reluctant to seek professional help because it feels almost like a personal defeat to them that they’re unable to handle their problems on their own. However, you may wish to reframe your perception of therapy; seeking help for a relationship can be a brave thing to do. Therapy often means that you care about the other person enough to want to fix what’s wrong and strengthen your relationship.

It may become even more critical to seek out couples therapy if you have children or live with other family members as it can be beneficial for them to live in a household where you two are getting along and expressing your emotions and concerns healthily.

5. Grow together

Love may have many phases if you and your partner are together long-term as the two of you grow and experience different things in your lives. The reality is that different experiences can help you to bond or grow apart – both can be normal, and it’s likely that your relationship will experience periods of increased closeness and affection as well as periods of emotional distance.

It can be rare for a person to remain precisely the same forever. Life experiences can cause you to change your outlook. Ideally, the person with whom you once fell in love will grow in a way that is compatible with you and vice versa. The both of you may have a love that is enduring enough that you can weather any rough patches and stay together.

However, it may be naïve to think that this could happen easily, with no adjustments from either of you. It may be a rare couple that is entirely in sync with each other, to the point that they never need any kind of discussion about a change in behavior.

It could be that you might grow apart from your partner to the point where you feel the relationship is fractured. If both partners are committed to staying together, though, it may be possible to make concessions and adjustments for each other when the need arises. By doing so, you can demonstrate how much you care. The other person may even end up loving you more because you were willing to be flexible for them. It is when you are rigid that you may run the risk of damaging a relationship, perhaps permanently.

Online therapy may help you make love last

In many cases, a lack of free time can prevent couples from getting the professional support they may need. They may wish to attend couples therapy but can’t fit it into their schedules due to limited office hours. Online therapy may be an excellent alternative to in-person therapy, as it often allows for sessions that would be considered before or after hours at a typical therapist’s office.

According to this 2020 study, which involved 15 couples, the participants found that online therapy was a positive and beneficial experience for their relationships. Although many of the couples experienced initial doubts about online therapy, they walked away feeling that working with a therapist online had been effective.