The Other Woman
Being betrayed by someone that you love causes a deep pain that can be likened to grieving a loss. When your partner cheats on you with someone else, it can be hard to bear and come to terms with what has happened. If you are a partner in a committed relationship, married or otherwise, then you might even be wondering if they are in love with the person they cheated on you with or if it was just cheap laughs for them. It is normal to ask yourself these questions to try to make sense of what is going on.
However, there will not always be answers to the burning questions that are going through your head. Finding the answers to what is going on with your relationship will likely take time, and this will take an emotional toll on you. Read the information below to learn about coming to terms with infidelity. You may gain some insight by reading about how others have dealt with the same situation and how it relates to your own relationship. You may also be able to determine whether you want to try to rebuild your relationship or if it is time to leave your significant other.
You are allowed to feel
Infidelity makes you feel as if your whole world is turned upside down. You trusted your significant other and probably never thought that something like this could occur. Take time to heal before talking to your partner or making important decisions right away.
It might be best to take some time apart from your partner to sort out your own feelings. You likely feel completely betrayed and are dealing with a cascade of emotions, including anger or thoughts of revenge. It can be difficult to accept that the same man, or partner, was intimate with two women at the same time. Allow yourself to feel all of them and turn to people that you can trust for support. This is a time in your life when you need close friends and family to embrace you emotionally.
Spend time talking to people that you love and try to let yourself feel better. Infidelity may be the only thing that’s on your mind at first. If you have people that you can vent to, then it might help you to feel better emotionally. You may also want to take time to distract yourself if you can’t stop thinking about the infidelity. Go on relaxing walks, listen to music that lifts you up, or maybe try to get yourself out of depressing thoughts with a funny movie or show.
Have a conversation when you are ready
The time to talk with your partner is when you are emotionally ready. You may have questions about why they cheated on you and want to tell them how much it hurt that they cheated on you. Try to be open and honest during this conversation while being prepared for things to get very emotional.
Try your best to get through this conversation. Listen to what your partner’s side of the story and avoid name-calling or berating them. Once they have answered your questions and if you are comfortable, you can reveal what you are feeling. Then take a break to work through what was talked about before making decisions about your relationship.
Consider what would make you happy and what it would take to overcome infidelity in your relationship. Ask yourself if you want to move forward and then have another conversation later.
Ensure that both you and your partner take STD tests
There are several aspects to the betrayal when someone you love cheats on you. However, your health and safety are of utmost priority. This is especially important when it comes to the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease (STD) from your unfaithful partner. Ask your partner to get tested, especially if you are working through your relationship and may stay together. Do not have sexual intercourse until these tests are completed. Again, your mental and physical health is priority number one.
Remember that your doctor has ethical standards, and they will not discuss your results with anyone. You may feel embarrassed about needing to get tested, but it's typically recommended that you avoid letting this stop you. If you don't want to say the words "I cheated on my boyfriend" or "I cheated on my partner" to your doctor, you can simply tell them that you've had multiple sex partners recently. If you do have an STD, then you’ll need to be treated. If the tests come back negative, then you will be able to check off complications in that area.
Decide whether you can move forward together
Now that you have gone through these steps, it is time to decide whether you can move forward together as a couple. Whether they’re your new boyfriend or your wife for many years, love and trust are difficult at this point and the pain of infidelity most likely is shadowing both. If you want to move on and start dating again, then that is acceptable and your partner will have to live with the fact that they ruined the relationship.
Keep in mind that there are couples that have been able to get through infidelity issues. You can decide to work on the problems in your relationship and try to rebuild your trust levels. It is not necessarily going to be simple to do but it may be worth it if you want to keep your partner in your life. Just be honest with yourself and trust that your instincts will lead you to make the right decision.
Consider online couples therapy
Learning to communicate better and working on building your trust levels again after your partner cheated will take time. The strength of your relationship might allow you to continue and push past infidelity. Compassionate online therapists will work with you and your partner to improve your relationship.
Take the time to consider online couples therapy if you want to try to work on your relationship. If you wish to move forward together after your partner is unfaithful, then it is not always going to be simple. Having the help of skilled online therapists will be able to make a difference. They can help you to work on the issues that are present in your relationship or marriage. You can also make an appointment with a licensed therapist for individual therapy. They can help you decide on the health of your relationship and give you a non-biased outside perspective not provided by your loved ones or unfaithful partner.
No matter what you decide, do not hesitate to make an appointment with a therapist to help you work through the trauma of infidelity. Online therapy is convenient, and you can get support from the comfort of your own home. Especially, if you feel a sense of shame in going to a public clinical office for mental health care. You may be concerned that online therapy is not as effective as in-person. Current research reveals that people who received online therapy along with in-person reported that they felt their online therapist to be just as empathetic (if not more) as compared to their in-person therapist. If you need help, do not hesitate to reach for professional support today.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
Takeaway
Is it OK for a married man to text a lady he's not married to?
If it's someone from your partner's job or a similar professional contact, communication should mostly focus on work-related matters. In any case, it may be helpful to ask yourself why you feel uncomfortable with this communication. If your partner has not given you a reason to suspect them of cheating before, you may be transferring insecurities from past relationships into your current situation. Consider whether another person in your shoes would feel mistrustful of their partner.
It may also be a good idea to begin a conversation with your partner. Explain how you're feeling and why. Your partner will likely want to know if they've done something to hurt your feelings, and will probably want to reassure you that your relationship is a priority to them. It may be a good idea to review which boundaries you've both agreed to within your relationship; communicating with people outside of the relationship, spending time with others, etc are all areas that partners should agree on.
Why does my husband check out people outside our relationship?
There may be instances where he isn't checking out others because of attraction. For example, you may have looked at her, and he's paying attention to what caught your attention. Alternately, the person may be familiar, and he's trying to figure out if it's someone he knows. Or he might have seen something funny; for example, she may have tripped or done something amusing that he thinks you may find more humorous.
Additionally, it is a natural human reaction to notice people walking past you. Men and women who are in loving, committed relationships may still find that their eyes are drawn to others on occasion, and this does not negate their love and devotion to their partner. You may notice that you also look at other men sometimes, never with the intention of being unfaithful.
Regardless, you may feel better if you begin a discussion with your husband regarding how you perceive his behavior. He may be able to soothe your concerns and reassure you that his glances don't hold a deeper meaning.
What are some red flags of an unfaithful partner?
Some common red flags of an unfaithful partner may include:
- Changes in communication
- Increased interest in appearance
- Time spent away from home or apart from you
- Changes in behavior, interests, manner of speaking
- Lying
- Accusing you of cheating
- Indifference or aloofness
- Changes in your sex life
- Money usage
- Being secretive with technological devices
Remember that a partner can exhibit these signs without cheating. Rather than making assumptions or looking for sings, communication is an effective way to discover your partner's intentions.
Do cheaters get angry when confronted?
People have various reactions based on their psychology, past experiences, and how they're approached. A cheating partner may get mad when confronted, may be dishonest and defensive, or might be honest and remorseful once you begin a discussion. Additionally, a partner who has not cheated but has had upsetting experiences with conflict may react in anger when accused of something they have not done. Do not read into your partner's reaction to decide what is true; listen to your partner's words and their consistent actions.
Is it better to confront someone or let it go?
Confrontation can have different results. Addressing your partner about dating multiple women simultaneously can end with resolution, or beginning to move forward or deciding what the future holds.
Confronting the affair partner is usually not advised. This person may have no idea that your husband was being unfaithful to you, and you may not be able to predict how this person may react. However, they may learn about your husband's cheating from another source and approach you to apologize and commiserate.
How often do people in affairs talk?
It depends on the partners, and could be almost daily or as little as every month or two. It may be predicated on physical attraction without an emotional connection, and it may seem like it's "just sex" to both parties. Affairs based on an emotional connection may involve long conversations and spending as much time together as possible without raising suspicion.
Do people admit to affairs?
Some people may admit to an affair if their guilt outweighs their desire to keep it hidden. They may realize that they've made a stupid decision and want to rectify the situation or don't want to hurt their partner more than they already have. Others may remain secretive and defensive. Rather than focusing on making your partner admit their indiscretion, focus on healing on your own and deciding whether you can continue in this relationship.
How long do emotional affairs usually last?
Emotional affairs have many differences compared to physical affairs and may last longer-for months or years. They may stem from unhealthy attachment styles, disordered coping strategies, or emotional needs not being met in a relationship and meeting someone more emotionally available or receptive who fills those needs. This does not mean the affair is your fault.
People in an emotional affair may fall for their new partner due to the emotional connection they've made. Someone who falls for someone new may begin a physical relationship within an emotional affair.
- Previous Article
- Next Article