How To Find True Love That Never Dies
By: Stephanie Kirby
Updated January 29, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Debra Halseth, LCSW
"True love never dies. It only gets stronger with time." That's a nice saying that everyone would like to believe, but how true is it? It's comforting to think that there could be a love relationship that would just grow stronger over time, especially in spite of all the divorce that is rampant in society today. At times, the thought of a long-lasting romantic relationship can seem impossible. Some people think that true love is something you either find or you don't. But, in reality, when love never dies, it's because it was something that was chosen and fought for, not something that was simply uncovered.
The Myth of True Love
Fairy tales create for us a picture of what we believe true love should look like. It's something magical and special that we think we can find out in the world. So we believe that when we find true love, it should be perfect. There would be no hurt and no pain in the relationship. That other person would be the perfect person for us, just like Prince Charming. However, that's just not the way that it works.
When we believe that true love is something that we have to find, we can end up throwing away a relationship that would make us happy long-term because we are searching for something that doesn't exist. This is one of the reasons why there are so many divorces in the world. Two people get married believing that they have found true love. Then, when the problems arise that are normal in a marriage, they think that they have made a mistake. So, they file for divorce and continue their search for true love, believing that true love never dies. By this reasoning, they must not have found the right person to love in the first place.
This myth about true love is dangerous for relationships. It’s one reason why people continue leaving one relationship in search of another. Yes, some people are a better for you than others, but there is no perfect person. And if you want a true love that never dies, you are going to have to work at it, no matter who it is with.
What True Love Looks Like
In fairy tales, true love arrives in the form of Prince Charming riding in on a white stallion and sweeping the princess away. He takes her out of the challenging or bad situation that she was in and they live happily ever after. In real life, true love resembles this very little. Instead, love that never dies is formed when two people commit to each other for the long haul, in both the good and bad times.
True Love Is Overcoming the Obstacles
When you love someone, and you are committed to them, you are willing to stay with them even during the rough times. You work together to get through the challenges in your relationship instead of bailing when other people would. This also means that true love involves lots of forgiveness. You will never find a person that you can truly love without having to forgive. And, they will have to do the same for you. Instead of keeping score of who is right and who is wrong, focus on working together to make the relationship right. There is no winner or loser in true love.
True Love Requires You To Be Selfless
As people, we naturally want to get our way. But, if you always demand your way in your relationship with your significant other, you will quickly put obstacles in the way that will be hard for your relationship to overcome. When you truly love someone, you put their needs before your own. You look for ways to make them happy and to make their dreams come true. You know that when they achieve and succeed in their goals, you do as well.
True Love Is Deeply Committed
True love means that you put that other person above not only yourself but above other people as well. You do not risk your relationship for the affection of another. This means you create boundaries when needed to protect your relationship. It means that you build in boundaries before problems arise, so you limit having to deal with issues in the first place. You are faithful to each other emotionally and physically. You look to meet their needs and only look to them to meet yours.
True Love Invests In the Other Person
This means that you spend time together doing the things that they like to do, even when you don't enjoy them. It means that you spend quality time together looking for activities and hobbies that can connect the two of you. You enter into their world, and you allow them to enter into yours. Investing in the other person also means that you look for ways to build them up and help them grow. You invest into the person you love with your time, money, energy, and mind.
How to Find True Love That Never Dies
The trick to finding a true love that never dies is realizing that it is something to be made. Falling in love is easy. Falling in love is based purely on emotion, and it is not something that you have to work hard to do. However, staying in love, and keeping love alive, is something that requires work. It is something that you have to choose to do.
Your first step is finding the person in whom you want to invest. This will be a person who you love, who you can't imagine life without, and who makes you want to be a better person. This person will be not only your true love but your best friend. In the beginning, things will seem easy.
As your relationship progresses, challenges will come. If you want to form a true love that never dies, you have to commit your heart and your mind to overcoming those challenges. That means that your relationship needs to be built on trust and not just emotion, so you know that the other person is doing the same. If you do not trust someone, it will be hard to overcome the normal challenges the relationship will face.
If You Want To Have True Love That Never Dies, Remember These Things:
- You need to be selfless and put the other person first.
- Forgiveness is a must. You need to be willing to forgive them for their mistakes.
- You need to be willing to ask for forgiveness when you make a mistake.
- Good communication is one of the keys. You need to always work on having open and honest communication.
- You need to persevere when things get tough.
- Your focus is on what's good and right about the other person instead of their shortcomings.
- You respect their opinion over others.
- Your focus is on showing love and not on demanding it for yourself.
- You never play the game of "if you do this, then I'll do that."
- You share your dreams, create dreams together, and make their dreams your own.
The Hard Part Of Love
One of the hardest parts of true love is that it can be one-sided. You can put in that effort into your relationship and have all the emotions of love, and the other person might not do the same for you. It is also difficult to have a true love that never dies in a world of imperfect people. Forgiveness is hard but necessary in relationships. If you are in a relationship that is struggling due to loss of trust or any other issue, seeking help from a licensed therapist is a wise decision. Whether you do couples counseling or a one-on-one session yourself, a third party can make all the difference in helping you to see your relationship from the outside in.
Couples or relationship counseling is more accessible than ever with online platforms like BetterHelp. Some couples do have reservations about seeking help remotely. But a recent study identified numerous advantages of online couples therapy. Subjects reported the ability to become fully immersed in the therapy experience while sitting in a familiar setting.
If you are experiencing issues with your relationship, online therapy can help turn things around. You will be able to seek advice and treatment from an experienced counselor. What’s more, you can more easily find a time that works for everyone’s schedules to do so. Read about what others have to say regarding their experience with BetterHelp below.
“Janie has been listening to my concerns and the things that are affecting me and my relationship. We have just started working together but she has given me a lot of good things to think about, recommended some reading, and is going to send me some prompts to think of ways to phrase my questions and thoughts to my wife in ways that do not make her fell that I am attacking her or that she needs to be defensive. I look forward to continuing to work with Janie to hopefully save my marriage.”
“Mrs. Carter is an excellent counselor. She listens and give great advice and pointers. It's only been about 3 weeks in counseling and she has helped my wife and I tremendously.”
True love that never dies happens when you realize that it is not something you are going to find. It is something that you will need to create. And this will not just occur one time, but every day, over and over again with the same person.
When you see that elderly couple walking hand in hand on the sidewalk, it looks so sweet. It's easy to think how nice it is that they must have found their true love many years ago. But, they did not reach that point because they got lucky and found their true love. They reached that point because they have weathered the test of time. They have stood together through the challenges, cried together, laughed together, and persevered together. And, they have come closer together because of it.
This is the true love that never dies. It is not something to be found. It's something to be worked towards, day in and day out, in the good times and the bad.
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