I’m in Love with Two People! | What Can I Do To Figure Out Being In Love With Two People?

By: Robert Porter

Updated December 21, 2020

Medically Reviewed By: Lauren Guilbeault

Being in love is supposed to be a positive thing. You can enjoy spending time with someone who you really care about and start working toward building a future together. What if you care about two people in the exact same way? Is it possible to be in love with two people? Whether it's possible or not, this has the potential to be disastrous.

in love with two people

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In Love With Two People

When you're involved in a love triangle, it has the potential to get really messy. You don't want to hurt someone's feelings by cheating on them or spurning their advances in favor of someone else. It's definitely possible to have strong feelings for multiple people. In fact, there's nothing unusual about being attracted to more than one person or wanting to act on that attraction.

Depending on what type of relationship you're in, this just might not be possible. Most people in western cultures practice normal monogamous relationships. This means that you're supposed to be loyal to one person and show them all of your love/affection. If you feel like you're in love with someone else while still in a relationship, this can be problematic.

Any type of love triangle situation is going to be tough. Even if you aren't in a relationship but are merely being courted by two individuals, loving two people will be difficult. You don't want to break anyone's heart. Even so, you're going to have to make a choice to resolve this situation.

Being In Love With Two People: How to Determine Whom You Love More?

It is going to be very important to try to determine who you truly love out of the two people that you're in love with. Though you might love two people, most situations are not going to allow you to keep two lovers. This is definitely seen as taboo in most mainstream cultures, although there are some exceptions that will be discussed later. Regardless, you need to do the right thing for the other people involved in this love triangle.

Loving Two People

If you really do love both people, then you should want both of them to be happy. If you can't be with both of them, then the person you don't choose will be able to move on and potentially find someone else. Trying to maintain a relationship with two people is simply going to drive a wedge between you and the others that you're dating. If you aren't honest about it, then those lies are going to catch up with you eventually.

Try to think about how you feel about each of them. Examine your feelings and take the time to see whether or not you really feel as strongly about one partner as you do the other. It's possible that you might simply be physically attracted to one of them rather than truly being in love. Being able to differentiate between love and lust is important in a situation like this.

in love with two people

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You also want to be honest with what you want out of life, especially if you love two people. If you're looking to be involved in a committed relationship that has some type of future, then you need to make a choice. If you aren't looking for a commitment, then you might be able to get away with just casually dating people. The fact that you feel like you're in love means that you likely want something deeper than a casual fling, though.

Be Honest and Decide Between Your Two Love Interests

Being honest about your feelings is important but you also need to be honest with your partners. If you're actually dating one of these two people, or both of them, then you need to own up to it. Tell them the truth about the situation that you're in. It might wind up leading to you losing one or both of these people if you haven't been honest in the past. Honesty is one of the most crucial parts of maintaining a healthy relationship.

If you can't be honest with the people that you love, then you might not need to be in a committed relationship right now. Being lied to hurts and you don't want to put someone that you care about through a painful situation that they don't deserve. Love is about more than your own happiness. The happiness of the people that you love should also concern you and you need to take their feelings into account.

What about when two people are in love with you?

When you're single and you have two people in love with you, the situation is understandably different. You might be choosing between two people who are interested in entering a committed relationship with you. Choosing might be difficult if you feel like you love them both. Can you be in love with two people? Yes, but that doesn't mean that you can make it work with both men or women.

If you need to make a choice between two people, then you need to start thinking with your heart. Do you feel stronger about one person than you do the other? Are your life goals in better alignment with one of your potential partners than they would be with the other one? Think about all of the factors that are involved and then make your final choice.

Whatever you do, just don't lie to the people that you're with. You place your trust in people when you're dating them and you don't want to betray someone's trust for no reason. You might be in a tough position if your feelings are torn. Just don't take too long to make a decision and always be open with what's going on with your potential love interests.

in love with two people

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In Love With Two People: What are my options?

Open Relationships or Polyamory with the Two People you Love

It'd be wrong not to mention that there are groups of people who would be totally fine with having multiple love interests at once. In modern times, there is an increasing number of people who practice open relationships. There are those who question whether or not monogamous relationships are truly the right way to go. For some people, open relationships are preferable.

An open relationship can come in many different forms. One example of an open relationship structure is where two people are allowed to date others. They might be very committed to one another long-term but will still allow each other to explore other love connections outside of the confines of their relationship. These types of relationships may not be seen as typical. Some people might even find them to be immoral, but that's up to the individual to decide and isn't anyone's business besides those who are involved in the relationship.

Another type of relationship that is sort of similar is the concept of polyamory. This involves people having multiple romantic partners at once. Polyamorists are considered to be a sexual minority in America. This isn't a typical situation and it's even somewhat legally ambiguous. Practicing polyamory presents many potential legal problems such as child custody issues, housing law problems, and being accused of adultery or bigamy.

You likely already know that it's illegal to be married to more than one person at once in America. This alone is reason enough for many people to shy away from the concept of polyamory. Whether or not this is a good idea isn't being put into question. You should simply know that there are those who are accepting of the idea of being in love with two men at once or two women.

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