Preparing For Parenthood: Bonding With A New Baby
Whether you're planning to have a baby, pregnant after trying to conceive for some time or find yourself with an unplanned pregnancy, you may experience a wide range of emotions. Bringing a child into the world can be a major decision and can reshape your life and future. Preparing for a baby’s arrival can be a stressful time, but doing so may make the situation easier to handle once your child is born.
During this time, it can be normal to experience worries about caring for a growing child, affording a baby, handling diapers and feeding and possible health issues, wondering how you'll function without sleep, and all the other basic expectations of parenthood. Another worry that new parents sometimes experience is whether they will be able to bond with their future baby.
Pregnancy and the growing bond with your baby
Pregnancy can be a complex experience involving many changes to the pregnant person's body and the need to prepare for the changes that will happen once the baby arrives. There can be many changes to your hormones, mind, and body that may cause overwhelm or stress.
Those planning to conceive may be thrilled from the very beginning when they see the two little blue lines or the plus sign indicating a positive pregnancy test. Parents-to-be that feel like naturally caretaking types and have experience with small children may immediately feel comfortable and have no trouble growing attached to the little life growing inside the womb.
For the parents that may not have planned to bring a little one into the world, though, the transition to parenthood may feel scary at first. They may consider putting their child up for adoption or may research first-time parenting to understand how to care for their baby.
You may have no experience caring for another little human being at any point in your life, and the weight of the responsibility might seem overwhelming. As the months pass and the life inside of you becomes evident, you may start to grow attached to the baby and feel more comfortable with the idea of being pregnant.
It may get frustrating as your belly begins to make things like bending over or even putting on a pair of socks far more complicated than before. Still, your new growing baby will be with you every day, and you may find yourself talking to them about what's going on throughout your day.
Your baby will likely fall asleep inside your womb, and sometimes even wake you up in the middle of the night with little flutters as they shift to get comfortable. They'll respond to your voice, the music you might listen to, and the patterns of motion and rest you have throughout the day.
There are numerous apps available, some for free and some for a small cost, that may help you track your child's development while you're pregnant and offer you suggestions on how to discuss certain topics with your doctor to be sure all bases have been covered; that way, you can ensure your pregnancy is as healthy as possible.
For the moment of labor and birth, there are contraction timing apps to help you keep track of real or false (Braxton Hicks) contractions toward the end of your pregnancy. These apps may help you determine when it's time to contact your physician and head to the hospital as the frequency and intensity of those contractions begin to indicate actual labor.
Ways partners can bond with a child in the womb
A pregnant person's partner may worry about bonding with a new baby since they aren't the ones carrying it. They may feel outside of the process. However, at around 15 weeks gestation, a baby in the womb can hear and learn to recognize voices outside of the womb.
Partners may bond with their unborn and growing baby by talking to them through the pregnant partner’s belly. Partners can read the baby stories while the baby is still in the womb, tell them how much they love them, and might choose to play them some of their favorite music for the baby to recognize once it's born.
Once a baby is born, its eyes take weeks to continue developing into seeing clearly, although they can begin to learn faces when very close up, such as during feedings.
Babies begin hearing in the womb, but as with all the other senses, it can take time for the baby to learn to understand what it hears. However, your baby may have heard you speak while they were in the womb, and they might recognize your voice after they are born.
Here are some ways that you might involve yourself in your partner’s pregnancy if you’re the non-pregnant partner:
- Educate yourself on the baby's fetal development and the experiences your pregnant partner will go through weekly during the pregnancy.
- Go to doctor's appointments with your partner.
- Research and read literature about keeping relationships strong during pregnancy
- Give your partner the support to stay healthy. For example, you may make healthy meals and ensure your partner gets enough rest.
- Take on a more significant part of domestic labor.
- Attend birthing classes with your partner.
- Learn about infant growth and development to feel prepared when the baby arrives.
Your partner may be grateful for your help and support, and studies have shown that babies and pregnant parents do better in the long run when the non-pregnant partner is actively supportive and helpful during the pregnancy.
Bonding with a new baby
Once the day comes and your baby arrives, parents without previous childcare experience may feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for a tiny, helpless little infant all on their own.
How will they know what the baby wants when it's crying? How often are they supposed to feed the baby? Do they provide breast milk or formula? Is the baby eating enough? How do you change a diaper properly? What's normal for a baby? What's not? It may feel like a lot to take in and learn that can vary on an individual basis depending upon the child.
However, you’re not alone. Many parents struggle with caring for a newborn baby, especially if it's the first one, and many feel unsure what to do at first. There are many resources available to help you learn how to care for your newborn, including parenting classes, infant first aid courses, and CPR instruction. Some types may be available online, and some may be free or offered at a low cost.
Once your little one has arrived, you might choose to use an app to help with tracking the number of feedings and diapers to ensure your baby is meeting the standard requirements for their age. If something is amiss, the app may notify you when to contact your child's pediatrician so that you can discuss any concerns you may have.
Libraries and bookstores may also carry titles about all the ins and outs of pregnancy and about caring for your little one as they develop. Some of these books describe what to expect each week or month and which milestones to be aware of once your baby has arrived.
Even if you feel inexperienced with or concerned about whether you're caring for your baby correctly, your child may not love you any less if you take a while to figure things out and learn how to be a parent and child together. Bonding with a newborn is a process that can take a bit of time, but your baby is primed to bond with the people who care for them.
Some people may find they have difficulty bonding with their new baby, which is something that does happen from time to time. People who are having this issue can do several things to help boost the bonding process, like having skin-to-skin contact with the baby, making sure that the primary caretaker’s own needs are met, and spending time talking to the baby and picking them up to comfort them when they cry.
Postpartum depression
Having a new baby can feel exhausting. Both you and your partner may be tired, and the partner who gave birth may be sore for a while as their body heals from pregnancy, labor, and childbirth. People who have had C-section deliveries may need more time and support to recover from birth since they have had major surgery.
To feel irritable, worn out, or weepy from all the overwhelming changes to your body and your daily schedule can be a reasonable response when adjusting to parenthood. If you feel this way, it may resolve itself on its own within a few weeks.
However, there may be a point when this experience is more than just feeling sad or irritable. When you start to feel extremely irritated, depressed, or lonely for a longer period of time, you may be experiencing postpartum depression.
Postpartum depression is a serious mental health condition that affects about 1 in 10 new parents. Often, postpartum depression affects the parent who carried the child. However, their partner may experience postpartum depression as well. Postpartum depression can also affect surrogate and adoptive parents.
Postpartum depression lasts more than just a few days or a couple of weeks and has severe and disruptive symptoms. These symptoms may include:
- Severe mood swings
- Overwhelming feelings of sadness
- Unhealthy eating habits, such as overeating or not eating enough
- Lack of interest in or enjoyment of things you like
- Difficulty sleeping
- Severe anxiety
- Panic attacks
- Excessive anger and irritability
- Feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness
- Crying often
- Suicidal ideation
- Difficulty bonding with your new baby or other children
If you or someone you know are experiencing suicidal thoughts, connect with the 988 suicide and crisis lifeline by dialing or texting 988 or 1-800-273-talk (8255) for help and resources.
Postpartum depression is a serious mental health concern to address with your doctors as soon as possible so that you may receive the proper treatment to help you get back on your feet mentally and emotionally and have a healthy relationship with your baby. Experiencing depression does not mean something is wrong with you or that you are a bad parent.
For the person carrying the pregnancy, hormonal and physical changes after childbirth are some of the things that can bring on postpartum depression. For partners and adoptive parents, other factors may be at play in their feelings following the birth or adoption of a child.
Lack of sleep, anxiety over taking care of and bonding with a new child, changes to the relationship with their partner, and new financial stresses may all take a toll and lead to depressed feelings. The partner of the pregnant person may also experience hormonal changes following the child's birth that may affect mood and lead to postpartum depression.
Partners and adoptive parents experiencing depressive symptoms following the birth or adoption of a child are encouraged to speak with their healthcare providers to receive appropriate treatment to help them be healthy and influential parents and partners.
Help for new parents
Being a new parent may feel fun, but it also can be very challenging. If you or your partner are having difficulty coping with this new phase of your life, or even if you are doing fine but want some help with healthy parenting strategies or strategies for keeping your relationship strong, you may wish to seek help from a licensed therapist or family counselor.
Many people prefer to see their therapist in person, but increasingly patients are meeting with their therapists online, sometimes through platforms such as BetterHelp. Having your therapy appointments online means you can meet with your therapist in the comfort of your own home, and not having that extra travel time can be important when caring for a newborn.
Online therapy can sometimes be less expensive than traditional in-person visits. Further, studies have shown that online treatment can be as effective as in-person meetings.
Takeaway
Becoming a parent may feel daunting. If you are worried about what comes with parenthood, you may consider reaching out for support from a professional.
Those who are considering putting a child up for adoption or dealing with an unexpected pregnancy may also find support through counseling. Consider taking the first step towards mental health by reaching out to a therapist. You are not alone.
How do you show unconditional love to a child?
Showing unconditional love for a child is a profound and essential part of parenting and research shows that it may help improve a child’s self-worth and self-esteem. Giving a child unconditional love means loving and accepting your child without conditions or strings attached, regardless of their behavior, achievements, or circumstances.
To express unconditional love parents may express love and affection regularly, practice acceptance for their child, and employ active listening to develop empathy and understanding. Additionally, providing boundaries with love, apologizing and forgiving, and spending quality time with your children may be ways to show that you love unconditionally. This may help to ensure children feel loved and know that they matter and are important in the world.
Why do parents love their children unconditionally?
Most parents have a sense of unconditional love for their children which may be rooted in biology, psychology, and the unique bond between parents and their own children. Here are some key factors that contribute to unconditional parental love:
- Biological Bond: From the moment of conception, a biological bond is established between parents and their children. This bond is often accompanied by a flood of hormones and chemicals, such as oxytocin and dopamine, which promote feelings of attachment and affection.
- Parental Instinct: Humans, like many other species, have evolved with a natural instinct to care for and shield their offspring. This instinctive drive to ensure the survival and well-being of their child is a powerful force that often leads to unconditional love.
- Nurturing and Care: Parents invest a tremendous amount of time, energy, and resources into raising their children. The act of nurturing and caring for a child creates a strong emotional connection and reinforces feelings of love.
- Emotional Bonds: Over time, parents and children form deep emotional bonds through common experiences, moments of joy, laughter, and even challenges and hardships. These common experiences strengthen the emotional connection and love between parent and child.
- Empathy and Compassion: Parents often feel a deep sense of empathy and compassion toward their children. They can understand and resonate with their child's emotions and experiences, leading to a desire to provide love and support unconditionally.
- Investment in the Future: Parents often see their children as an extension of themselves and invest in their child's future, hoping for their success, happiness, and well-being. This investment can lead to unconditional love.
Are parents supposed to have unconditional love?
Parents are not necessarily "supposed" to have unconditional love, but it is a commonly idealized and sought-after aspect of the parent-child relationship. Unconditional love in parenting is often considered a positive and nurturing quality that can provide emotional support, safety, and a strong foundation for a child's development.
Often parents accept the role of caregiver knowing that with that comes the responsibility of providing love and support to their child. Parental love may make children feel empowered to be independent, with high self-esteem and self-worth. This effect is not seen as often with conditional love which comes only when a child acts or performs a certain way. Conditional love may make a child feel anxious and prevent a close relationship between a child and a parent.
What is the value of love for children?
The value of love for children is immeasurable and plays a fundamental role in their emotional, psychological, and social development. Love is essential for children's well-being, growth, and overall happiness. Here are some of the key values of love for children:
- Emotional Safety: Love provides children with a sense of emotional safety. Knowing they are loved and cared for by their parents or caregivers helps children feel safe and sheltered, reducing anxiety and fear.
- Self-Esteem: Love and affection boost a child's self-esteem and self-worth. Feeling loved and valued helps children develop a positive self-image and a healthy level of self-confidence.
- Healthy Attachment: Love and consistent nurturing in early childhood are crucial for forming healthy attachments. These early bonds serve as the foundation for future relationships and emotional well-being.
- Emotional Control: Love helps children learn how to control their emotions. When children feel loved, they are more likely to develop the emotional skills needed to manage stress and handle challenging situations.
- Empathy and Compassion: Experiencing love and care from their parents or caregivers teaches children empathy and compassion. They learn to understand and relate to the feelings and needs of others.
Love for children can come from various sources, including parents, caregivers, extended family, and supportive communities. The values of love are deeply interconnected with other aspects of a child's development, and when children feel love from a trusted adult, it sets the stage for healthy relationships, emotional resilience, and a fulfilling life.
What does unconditional mean for kids?
For children, the concept of "unconditional" can be simplified and understood as something that is constant, unwavering, and not dependent on specific conditions or requirements. When used in the context of love or support from parents or caregivers, "unconditional" means that a child is loved and valued just the way they are, regardless of their behavior, achievements, or circumstances.
Other ways of showing unconditional love for kids include always being there, loving them no matter what, and being non-judgmental. The adult may also need to stay patient and listen and avoid jumping in based on their own experience or beliefs. For many kids, having a trusted adult to listen and show love regardless of the situation is vital to healthy growth and development.
What is unconditional positive regard for children?
Unconditional positive regard for children is a foundational concept in child psychology and humanistic psychology, particularly associated with the work of Carl Rogers. It refers to an attitude of complete acceptance, warmth, and genuine affection that parents, caregivers, and adults in a child's life extend to the child without judgment, conditions, or expectations. It involves valuing and respecting the child as an individual, irrespective of their behavior, choices, or accomplishments. When adults provide unconditional positive regard, they create a safe and nurturing environment where children feel deeply loved, accepted, and valued for who they are, fostering healthy emotional development and self-esteem.
This concept emphasizes that children thrive when they experience unwavering love and acceptance, even when they make mistakes or face challenges. It encourages open communication, empathy, and trust, allowing children to develop a strong sense of self-worth and a positive self-concept. By practicing unconditional positive regard, adults help children build resilience, self-confidence, and a healthy self-image, laying the foundation for positive relationships, emotional well-being, and personal growth throughout their lives.
How do you explain unconditional love?
Unconditional love is a profound and selfless form of love that is given without any conditions or limitations. It is a love that is unwavering, enduring, and steadfast, regardless of circumstances, flaws, or mistakes. Unconditional love is often described as a love that is freely given, without expecting anything in return.
Why is unconditional love important?
Unconditional love is important for several reasons, as it has profound and far-reaching impacts on individuals and their relationships. Here are some key reasons why unconditional love is important:
- Emotional Well-Being: Unconditional love provides a strong foundation for emotional well-being. When individuals experience unconditional love, they feel cared for, valued, and emotionally supported, which contributes to their overall happiness and mental health.
- Healthy Relationships: In relationships where unconditional love is present, individuals feel accepted and understood for who they are. This acceptance fosters trust, intimacy, and open communication, creating the basis for healthy and fulfilling relationships.
- Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence: Unconditional love boosts self-esteem and self-confidence. When individuals know they are loved and accepted for their true selves, they develop a positive self-image and a greater sense of self-worth.
- Resilience: Unconditional love helps individuals develop emotional resilience. It provides a buffer against life's challenges and setbacks, empowering individuals to cope with difficulties more effectively.
- Personal Growth: Feeling loved unconditionally encourages personal growth and self-improvement. It motivates individuals to strive for their goals and become the best versions of themselves.
- Empathy and Compassion: Experiencing unconditional love often leads to the development of empathy and compassion. Individuals who receive such love are more likely to show understanding and kindness toward others.
- Supportive Environment: In families or communities where unconditional love is practiced, there is a supportive and nurturing environment that allows individuals to flourish and reach their full potential.
- Stronger Bonds: Unconditional love strengthens bonds and connections between individuals. It deepens the sense of closeness and connection in relationships, fostering a sense of belonging.
- Reduced Anxiety: Knowing that they are loved unconditionally can reduce anxiety and fear in individuals. They feel less pressure to meet external expectations and are more at ease with themselves.
How can parents show love to their children?
Parents can show love to their children in various ways, both through their actions and words. Demonstrating love helps create a nurturing and safe environment for children to grow and develop. Here are 15 ways parents can show love to their children:
- Physical Affection: Hug, kiss, cuddle, and hold hands with your child. Physical touch is a powerful way to express love and comfort.
- Verbal Affirmation: Use words to express your love. Say "I love you" regularly, and offer compliments and praise to boost your child's self-esteem.
- Quality Time: Spend quality one-on-one time with your child doing activities they enjoy. This undivided attention communicates that you value and cherish your time together.
- Active Listening: Listen attentively when your child wants to talk. Show empathy, ask questions, and validate their feelings to let them know you care about what they have to say.
- Play and Engage: Engage in play and imaginative activities with your child. Play is a way to bond, have fun, and foster creativity.
- Support and Encouragement: Encourage your child's interests and passions. Offer support, attend their activities or events, and celebrate their achievements, no matter how small.
- Set Boundaries with Love: Establish clear and consistent boundaries to provide structure and guidance. Discipline with love, emphasizing teachable moments rather than punishment.
- Teach Life Skills: Teach your child practical life skills and values, such as empathy, kindness, responsibility, and resilience, to help them navigate the world.
- Have Common Family Traditions: Create and uphold family traditions and rituals that promote a sense of belonging and togetherness.
- Show Affection to Your Partner: Demonstrating affection and love toward your partner models healthy relationships for your child.
- Be a Positive Role Model: Lead by example in your behavior, attitudes, and actions. Show your child what it means to be a kind, respectful, and loving person.
- Apologize and Forgive: Apologize when you make mistakes, and forgive your child when they do. Teach them that it's okay to make errors and learn from them.
- Provide a Safe Environment: Ensure your child feels safe, both physically and emotionally. Create an atmosphere where they can express themselves without fear of judgment.
- Be Present: Put away distractions, such as phones and screens, when spending time with your child. Being fully present shows that you value their company.
- Express Pride: Let your child know that you're proud of their efforts and accomplishments. Your pride can boost their confidence and motivation.
Every child is unique, and their preferences for how they receive love may vary. Pay attention to your child's cues and adapt your expressions of love to suit their individual needs and personality. Building a strong and loving parent-child relationship is an ongoing process that involves consistent care, attention, and open communication.
What is the power of unconditional love?
The power of unconditional love is profound and far-reaching, influencing individuals and relationships in many ways. Unconditional love may raise self-esteem, it shows that someone believes in you and will be there for you no matter what. This can help children and adults alike to act without worrying about whether they will be supported or not. Unconditional love also provides a strong sense of emotional safety and support. It promotes feelings of happiness, contentment, and inner peace, contributing to overall emotional well-being.
The power of unconditional love lies in its ability to nurture emotional well-being, strengthen relationships, promote personal growth, and create a more compassionate and empathetic world. It serves as a driving force for positive change, both on an individual and societal level and has the potential to bring about healing and transformation in countless lives.
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