Rekindling Love: Learning To Love Each Other Again

Medically reviewed by Julie Dodson
Updated February 21, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Being in a long-term stable relationship isn’t always easy. There are times when you’ll struggle to keep moving forward. Most couples have arguments and it’s normal for tension to build up between two people. One thing that is worse than fighting with your partner is when you feel like you’re falling out of love with each other.

If you’ve been together a long time and things are starting to feel very underwhelming, it’s time to shake things up. It isn’t necessarily the case that you don’t love your partner anymore. Romantic relationships can get pushed to the side as life gets in the way, however, the love might be buried under a mountain of boredom, or dashed expectations. Life can get in the way of love which can lead to an unfulfilling relationship.

When you care deeply about your partner, it’ll be worthwhile to consider ways that you can rekindle your love. The passion that was there when you first met or were first married may not be there in your relationship right now, but that can certainly change. Take a look at the advice below to see ways that you can learn to love each other again. Simply being willing to try new strategies can make a huge difference and can remind you about why you fell in love in the first place. Rekindled relationships can bring back lost love and spark new experiences while creating new memories.

Spend time away from the kids

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You can grow stronger as a couple no matter life's obstacles

Your kids might very well be your entire world. Children are precious and it’s admirable to want to raise them to be happy, healthy, and strong. Focusing all or most of your time on your children can be detrimental to your relationship with your partner.

It is pretty important to make some time for each other away from the kids. This might not be possible to do as often as you would prefer but do something special as a couple as much as often as possible. This can include making time for one another in the evenings once the kids have been tucked into bed. It's important to have quality time together that isn't totally focused on the family unit.

This is even true when your partner doesn’t live with you. If your children take up all of your time, then your relationship isn’t going to get the right amount of nurturing that it needs to grow. Your kids might be the most important people in your life, but your relationship should also factor in. Try to make some time so that you can work on learning to love each other again. All healthy relationships require intentional nurturing to grow in a positive direction. This applies to both your significant other, as well as your children. 

Go out on dates together

Spending time with your partner is important for growing your relationship and achieving the type of love you desire. Making time to go out on dates is one way to rekindle your love. Some couples tend to become complacent after being in a relationship for a long period. They might get so used to one another that they stop doing special things and settle into a routine.

Break this cycle and get out to do something fun together. When you first started dating, it’s very likely that you went out and did all sorts of things together. You might have regularly gone to restaurants or gone out to see concerts together. Whatever it is that you two enjoyed doing together may be worth trying again. This is one of the best ways to rekindle the love that you once had.

You’re going to be thinking about how you felt back then when you were just discovering one another. This time around things will be a little bit different. Even so, you might wind up discovering new things that you love about your partner. Your love hasn’t necessarily disappeared, it might have just withered a bit. Going out on dates is one way to add new life again and you can start to enjoy those old feelings of love once more.

Think about ways you can change

It is very easy to focus on what your partner is doing wrong in a relationship. Commit to putting in the effort and showing up as the best version of yourself in your relationship. The truth is that there are likely things that you can change to better cultivate a loving relationship. Don’t blame yourself or your partner for the current situation. Take the time to think about ways to change things.

Have you been guilty of ignoring your partner’s advances in the past? Consider trying to make more time for their needs. Do you sort of tune out once you get back from a long workday? Try to spend some actual quality time with your partner in the evenings before bed.

It isn’t always easy, and no one is perfect. You simply have to be committed to putting in the effort. If there are things that you’re doing, or things that you’ve done that have hurt the relationship, then you shouldn’t be afraid to own up to them. Make some changes for the good of your relationship and your partner will likely be willing to do the same thing.

Show your partner physical affection

Learning to show more affection is also going to be quite important, and it is a mistake to forget about the power of physical touch. You might not even realize how much of a difference touch can play in a relationship. Do you spend time together in bed cuddling or holding hands? Have you been kissing your partner often enough? These little things are really important for showing your significant other that you care.

Try to show your partner that you love them whenever you can. Little things like caresses and hugs can help to rekindle your love. This isn’t going to be enough by itself to completely change the dynamic of your relationship, but it’s a piece of the puzzle. Think about physical affection and ways that you can improve your relationship by being more affectionate toward one another. This effort can lead to both of you feeling more attached to each other. 

Change up your sex life

Your sex life is another thing that you will want to think about when looking at what could be improved in your relationship, as sex can comprise some of the most intense romance that a couple may feel in a relationship. Some relationships may lack the passion they used to have as a result of allowing their sex life to become monotonous or routine.

Either one, or both, of you might miss the way things used to be between you. It is easy to allow tiredness after a long day to interfere with both physical and emotional connection. It is important for both partners to invest effort into having a more mutually satisfying relationship; otherwise, your sex life might feel stale.

It might be a good idea to start having sex at different times of the day. Instead of waiting until night to fool around, you might want to consider surprising your partner with some romance in the morning. Making time to have sex on special days can help. For instance, if you’re going to be sending the kids to their grandparents' house on Friday, then that will be a perfect time to connect in bed.

Don’t be afraid to spice things up either. If things have become dull in the bedroom then try to ask your partner about ways you can make things more exciting. This could involve something as simple as a sexy outfit or it could be approaching sex from a new angle. Either way, have the conversation with your partner and try to keep an open mind so that you can rekindle the passion that you had in the past.

Reuniting with a past love

According to a California State University study, reuniting with lost loves can lead to exceptionally romantic relationships, with a success rate of 71%. It’s also good to address what it takes to reunite with a past love from when you were younger. You might be looking to rekindle a love that you had many years ago after connecting again later on in life with a former sweetheart. If this is the case, then many of the pieces of advice above are going to apply. Just remember that things have likely changed since you knew your lover in the past and that young love is different than love between more mature adults. You both have likely been in other relationships and may need to take the time to get to know each other again.

Going out on dates again can be a lot of fun. You’ll be able to remember the people that you were while also showing who you are now. Spend lots of time talking and getting to know what your love interest is like today. People mature and gain new insight as they grow older, so your old flame might be much different than they were in the past.

Rekindled romances take time; take things slowly rather than rushing the process. Love is something that happens naturally and should not need to be forced. Your experiences up until now have made you who you are. Be open about those experiences, and also be honest with your expectations. If this type of love is meant to be, then it’ll happen as you spend more time together.

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Relationship counseling is available

Anyone who is trying to rebuild a stagnant marriage or to build a rekindled relationship shouldn’t hesitate to seek out relationship counseling. It doesn’t always take extramarital affairs or constant fighting to end a relationship. Sometimes your love diminishes due to inherent problems in the relationship that are smaller. You might argue too much due to not being able to communicate effectively. It’s possible that you might not even understand some of the issues that are present in your relationship.

A therapist is going to be able to get to the bottom of your issues while helping you to cultivate a healthier relationship. This will involve changing the ways that you communicate, working on problems that you have with each other, and ensuring that both parties are committed to building a successful partnership. This can take time, but relationship counseling is a great way to address faults while learning to love one another again.

Online therapy for couples can be highly convenient and cost-effective. You’ll be able to reach out at any time that you want to get help. This means that you won’t be waiting for regular office hours or be forced to fit in when a therapist has the time; you finally can get care when you need it. It’s a great way for busy couples to connect and work on problems whenever they can. Many studies have confirmed the efficacy of online therapy for couples. In one intervention, couples participating in online versus in-person therapy reported no differences in effectiveness between the two modalities; additionally, couples reported decreased symptoms of depression, anxiety, and stress.

Takeaway

Although the divorce rate is high in today’s society, there are options available for couples seeking to improve communication, enhance their sex lives, or simply reconnect with each other. Consider signing up for online couples therapy if you think it’d help you out. It’s a method that has helped so many people to rekindle their love. 

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