Things I Love About You: How To Express Your Feelings

Expressing love for someone through language can be an effective way to feel closer to them. For those whose love language is words of affirmation, it may feel exciting, romantic, or meaningful to hear a partner telling their feelings. 

If you struggle to express your feelings or open up with language, there are a few strategies you can try that can guide you on how to express love.

Get in touch with your emotions

Getting in touch with your emotions is a potential first step to feeling comfortable expressing what you love about someone. Studies show that suppressing or ignoring your emotions may cause mental and physical health concerns. Learning how to identify your emotions can benefit you in many ways. 

You could feel that it's hard to properly communicate what you're feeling if you don't know what you're feeling. Learning to label emotions by their physical sensations or the actions that often accompany them may be helpful to you. Additionally, research shows that just labeling your emotions can positively impact your mental health. 

When interacting with your partner, you might think, "There are so many reasons why I love you!" However, you may struggle to verbalize this or feel shame or embarrassment for struggling to express your feelings. 

Before you start communicating the things you love about an essential person in your life, spend some time reflecting and researching. Consider making a chart of emotions with graphics to help you when you need to express what you're feeling. 

Contemplate what your life was like without the person you care about. Think of how they have made you a better person and improved your quality of life. Think through how you feel when you are with them and how it would feel to lose them. Don't just think of general ideas and feelings. Take the time to think about the details and get specific about them.

For example, you might say, "I felt extremely elated when we went to the amusement park for my birthday. Seeing you smile and spending quality time together felt so comforting." 

Once you get in touch with your emotions, you may feel more able to discover why you love the person you are with and have a clear idea of how to share your feelings.

Consider the little things 

At times, you may feel so intimidated by the idea of telling why you love someone that you don't do it. It may be worth remembering that expressing your feelings doesn’t need to be a grand gesture. In healthy relationships, the person in your life will likely be happy just to hear you say, "I love you, and you have made my life so much better. I'm happy that I know you."

You might send your feelings through a quick text or write them on a sticky note. For example, you could consider sending a sweet message that says, "reasons I love you," with a list of why you think this individual is unique and special to you. 

You can communicate love however you want or need. Any form of communication may be better than none. You might start with something small, such as thanking someone for something they've recently done.

Don't overthink it

Try not to overthink what you are trying to say. You don't have to have the perfect words like you're in a romantic movie, and it doesn't have to sound like poetry to truly express your emotions.

Many individuals love to hear positive things about themselves. The person you love may be glad to hear what you share with them, even if it isn't eloquent or precisely the same as they would have said it. 

Don't hesitate

When you realize that you love someone, expressing your feelings with them may seem like a risk. You might feel hesitant because you don't want to lose the feeling or the person. 

In some relationships, there may not be a perfect time or way to say, "I love you, and here are the reasons why." The moment may pass if you don't express love when you are feeling it. You could find relief in letting your feelings of love motivate you into action.

Take it easy if you are just starting out

If you are telling someone that you love them for the first time, you may find it easier if you don't get too deep. You don't need to say, "here are all the reasons why I love you," if you're not used to it. 

Small phrases can have impactful meanings, just like longer ones. 

What to say in a long-term relationship

If you've already told your partner numerous times that you love them, you might find that saying those three words has little impact. If this is the case, you may try breaking from your routine and expressing your feelings in a more specific way.

Consider the impact the person makes on your life. For example, perhaps they make life joyful or watch out for you during challenging times. You can say this or show your appreciation through a gift or gesture. 

You might show love in small actions, like cooking their favorite meal or surprising them with a small gift when they least expect it. If your partner loves to hear words of affirmation, you might write them a long love letter and deliver it with flowers and a teddy bear. 

Expressing your feelings during challenging times

You're not alone if you find yourself going through rough times in your relationship. The Gottman Institute asserts many relationships have small arguments or disagreements, and many couples struggle at times. 

Individuals may process negative things differently, so you might start by accepting your feelings when facing challenges in your relationship. When you feel ready, you can approach your partner confidently, communicating openly that you want to work on the relationship.

You might share your feelings for someone during this time by making statements like: 

• "I know it has been hard lately, but you still mean the world to me."
• "We can get through this together."
• "We are a team, and I love working together with you." 
• "My end goal is happiness and contentment in our relationship."
• "I love you just the same as I did when we met, if not more." 

Your partner may appreciate words of love and positivity when things get rough. 

Getting support for relationship concerns 

If you're struggling to express emotions in a healthy manner, help is available. You can ask your friends or family for advice, but it's often not the same as getting professional guidance. Consider reaching out to a counselor to get support. 

Many couples find that busy schedules or budget concerns lead to not having the time or money to go to therapy. If this is something you relate to, consider online therapy as an avenue to support your mental health. 

If communication challenges are causing you to experience anxiety, know that online therapy has been demonstrated to be as effective as traditional in-person therapy for anxiety and depression. 

Through a platform such as BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples, you can talk to a professional therapist who specializes in your area of concern. Doing so may be particularly helpful if you've never spoken to a therapist and are nervous about going into an office.