What Holy Love Means And What It Might Look Like For You

What does it mean for love to be holy? Many spiritual traditions emphasize the importance of love as part of both human relationships and a connection with the divine. Yet the word “love” can sometimes seem to mean different things depending on whether we’re talking about spirituality or everyday life. 

Is there a connection between holy and divine love and other forms of love? And if holy love is something you desire, what can you do to cultivate it? Our mission in this article is to explore what love means in various faith traditions, and how practicing holy love can enrich and deepen even non-religious relationships.

What makes love holy?

In psychological terms, love can be understood as a deep-seated physiological drive, similar to our urges to seek food, shelter, and sex. This powerful longing can motivate incredible self-sacrifice as well as deeply harmful and selfish behavior. Given how important and primal love is for humans, it may come as no surprise that spiritual teachings from around the world have regarded it as highly important.

In truth, there may be differences in how different religions and philosophies interpret love. A church may believe so deeply in holy love that they name their ministry after the concept (as can be seen with Holy Love Ministries in North Ridgeville, Ohio, which features the Maranatha Spring and shrine). In many cases, spiritual views of love separate it into different categories, with the most important forms of love being those that motivate virtue and spiritual enrichment.

Christianity: Self-sacrificing holy love

In many Christian traditions, God is viewed as the true source of divine love and the path to one’s own salvation. The Gospel of John in the New Testament States: “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” The meaning of love is often viewed through the example of Jesus, who (according to scripture) was born to the blessed Mother Mary. Jesus Christ’s willingness to die for humanity is viewed in Christianity as the ultimate expression of love. In practical terms, this can mean that love should motivate believers to care for the needs of others as much as for themselves and make sacrifices to help other people find salvation and find their way to Heaven. Giving gratitude and ensuring everyone has united hearts in their love for God may be viewed as equally important.

Judaism: Holy love for God and neighbor

Jewish teachers and thinkers often emphasize the importance of the commandment to “love your neighbor as yourself.” This may be interpreted as a requirement to care for the well-being of all humankind. Holy love in Jewish thought may also mean a thankful, obedient, devoted love for the Creator of the universe.

Islam: Striving for holiness out of love for Allah

One of the ninety-nine names of Allah as described in the Quran is Al-Wadud, “The Loving.” Islamic philosophy often teaches that people should emulate the loving nature of the Creator by behaving lovingly toward one another. Muslims may also believe it’s important to be worthy of Allah’s love by fulfilling the Quran’s commandments about how to live and worship ethically.

Hinduism: Holy love for the divine in all things

Hindu faith and philosophy, developed over thousands of years, often draw distinctions between more spiritual and less spiritual forms of love. One way of understanding this is through a five-stage system that progresses from Kama, sensory desire, to Atma Prema, an altruistic love that draws no true distinction between other beings and the self. 

Buddhism: Love without craving is holy

Like Hinduism, Buddhism encompasses a wide range of intellectual traditions. However, all of them relate to the view that Kama — meaning a debased form of love that manifests as cravings or attachments — causes suffering. Instead of possessive desire, Buddhism teaches that people should strive for Maitri, also known as loving-kindness. This is an attitude of goodwill toward all others, which is supposed to develop into compassion, joy, and peace.

Polytheism/paganism: The holiness of love has many faces

Some faiths, such as Yoruba, Shinto, or Neopaganism, acknowledge many different gods or spiritual powers. Their views about love may be as multifaceted as the gods they revere. Many polytheists view love — like all things in the material universe — as a manifestation of specific divine beings so that an experience of love is also an encounter with a god. They may also believe that expressing love for others is a form of participation in the divine.

How to express and experience holy love

There are many different ways to practice holy love in your life. Some may appeal to you more than others, depending on what type of person you are and your particular spiritual or religious viewpoint. The following suggestions may offer some ideas for how to deepen your experience of love through spirituality.

Look for the divinity in those around you

You may be able to cultivate holy love by keeping this idea in mind as you go about your day. Whenever you are deciding how to act toward other people, whether they be adults or children, picture them as whatever spiritual beings you revere.

Visualize kindness and compassion

Some faiths view love as something that can be deliberately nurtured through techniques of meditation or active imagination. One widely practiced version of this approach is Buddhist metta (loving-kindness) meditation. This technique involves picturing various people in your mind and peacefully wishing for their happiness, beginning with yourself and moving outward to encompass all humankind. Research suggests that repeated practice can produce small but real increases in compassionate behavior.

Pray for others

If you’re more inclined toward prayer than meditation, you can practice holy love by asking the deity you worship to bless others. Asking for a higher power to bring good things or events to other people may help you cultivate compassionate love in your own life. Past studies have demonstrated that these types of prayers can increase positive attitudes and behaviors toward other people.

Anchor your love life in your faith

Religions often teach that romantic love can be elevated into holy love by treating it as a sacred bond. Some Christian denominations, for example, view the marriage ceremony as a sacrament, a spiritual action that has a direct effect on the souls of the participants. Many Jewish sects regard the joining of husband and wife as part of the fulfillment of their covenant with God and a recreation of the primordial unity of man and woman. In some tantric traditions of Buddhism, sexual activity can be approached as a spiritual ritual designed to bring both parties closer to enlightenment. 

If you are a religious believer, making your love holy may mean treating your romantic life as a spiritual practice. This approach may enable both areas of your life to enrich one another. A 2016 study of spirituality and marriage found that when couples regarded their marriage as having a significant spiritual meaning, their sense of intimacy with one another increased along with their sense of closeness to the divine.

Fall in love with the sacred

Just as love can be treated as a holy activity, religious worship may be deepened by viewing it through the lens of love. By thinking of the god or gods you revere as caring parents or beloved partners, you may be able to intensify your own devotion toward them. This approach underlies the Hindu practice known as Bhakti yoga. The worshiper cultivates a deep longing for the divinity that is believed to assist in forging a deeper connection between the two.

Do good for others

People of many different faith traditions often agree that holy love should motivate kindness and generosity toward your fellow humans. If you wish to develop this altruistic love, one thing that might help is simply committing to give to charity, volunteer your time, or otherwise help someone in need. Researchers studying generosity found that pledging a charitable donation increased the frequency of generous behavior in other situations. It may sound strange to think of compassionate love as a habit that can be built up like any other, but science seems to support this idea.

Could therapy help you practice holy love?

Though many people think of therapy and religion as totally separate, many mental health professionals recognize the positive effects that faith can have on their client’s lives. And therapy can often help with inner challenges that make it hard to cultivate a loving outlook and a healthy spirituality. If you’re finding that it’s hard to practice holy love due to anger, depression, anxiety, or other mental obstacles, it might be helpful to seek advice from a licensed counselor.

Online therapy platforms may make it easier for you to locate a counselor who can help you better integrate love and spirituality within your life. When connecting with therapists online, you aren’t limited to just those practitioners in your geographic area. With a larger pool of potential therapists, you may be more likely to find one experienced in helping clients with faith-related challenges.

Researchers have repeatedly found that online counseling can have equally positive effects as face-to-face therapy. One 2017 meta-analysis looked at more than 370 research papers studying the usefulness of online cognitive behavioral therapy. The authors noted that internet-based therapy was effective in treating a wide variety of mental health challenges, ranging from stress to gambling addictions. If you’re looking to build mental habits that better support your pursuit of holy love, BetterHelp may be able to connect you with a therapist who can help.