Why Do Good Girls Fall In Love With Me? How To Stop Hurting Those You Love
Updated February 24, 2020
Reviewer Kelly L. Burns, MA, LPC, ATR-P
Being in love is supposed to be something that enriches your life and makes you feel amazing. Sometimes you might wind up falling in love during a bad point in your life. Have you ever been in love with someone and wound up hurting them due to your own selfish actions? This is a good example of how finding someone that you love during a rough patch in your life can lead to bad results.
The problem is that life is always going to be stressful. There are bad things that will occur from time to time and you can't take out that stress on the people that you love. If you have a history of hurting people who get close to you due to not being able to react to life struggles properly, then you might wish that you would stop attracting people entirely. You might even find yourself asking questions such as "Why do good girls fall in love with me?"
First, we should take a look at what "good girls" and "bad guys" means socially in our culture, and in our world. From when we're young children, girls tend to be praised for being polite and for helping take care of chores, while boys are encouraged to adventure and play more roughly (think of the old adage, "boys will be boys"). As a result of this and other factors, when we're older "good girls" tend to fall in love with "bad guys." Although social norms can be a powerful influence, in reality, we all share both good and bad qualities. There are things we all can do to make our relationships the healthiest and most fulfilling possible.
The simple fact that you're thinking about how bad it is that you've hurt someone that you love means that you want to change. It doesn't excuse your behavior, but it does show that there is hope for you to be able to enter a truly loving relationship where you can be a benefit to your partner instead of a source of pain and frustration. Read on to look at some ways that you can try to stop hurting those that you love. These changes might not be able to occur overnight, but they are something that you can work steadily.
Think About Her Feelings
You want to be able to stop hurting the woman that you love. Sometimes you might wind up hurting her feelings when you don't really mean to. There are many men who say things without taking the time to think about how it's going to make their significant other feels. When you don't consider the feelings of someone that you love, you're bound to cause them pain.
Trying to put some thought into her feelings for a change is going to make a difference. Relationships aren't supposed to be selfish. It's okay to care about your own interests and to have your own life goals, but the feelings of your partner should matter. Try to do things that will make her feel good and be mindful about the types of things that upset her. Sometimes what one person considers to be teasing or joking can be very hurtful to someone else.
If you don't understand how she feels about a certain topic, then take the time to talk to her. Rifts develop in relationships when two people don't take the time to talk about their feelings. You might love someone deeply but it's still possible that you haven't taken the time to truly get to know their feelings. Until you make this type of effort, it's likely that you might continue to hurt your girlfriend or wife emotionally.
Make Her A Priority In Your Life
You might be surprised by how many relationship problems are caused by neglect. Many men and women neglect to think about the importance of spending time with their partners. If you're a busy professional, then you might be laser-focused on advancing in your career. This is admirable, but it isn't going to be great if your relationship falls by the wayside while you're busy with work.
It's important to try to find the right balance. If your partner doesn't feel like they're a priority in your life, then it's going to be tough not to take offense. Think about how much time you're spending with your partner and whether or not you're putting effort into the relationship. If you're just coming home and sleeping, is that really the type of relationship that you want? You both deserve better than that and putting some effort into things can turn it around.
You can show your girlfriend or wife that you love her very much. Try to take the time to talk to her even when you don't have enough free time to go out. Make sure that she knows that she's special to you. This is going to help to keep your relationship going and she's going to be happy that you're putting forth an effort. Depending on how bad your relationship problems are, a bit more effort might be enough to turn things around completely.
Don't Speak Without Thinking
Do you seem to argue with your girlfriend a lot? If you do, then you might find that you wind up saying things that you regret later. People get really heated at the moment and they can wind up saying hurtful things when they're annoyed. You might wind up calling your girlfriend or wife a name or you might say something really stupid and inflammatory. It's hard to take something back once the words have left your mouth.
Try your best to avoid speaking without thinking. When you don't have a filter on your mouth, it can be a very easy way to hurt someone that you love. Your significant other doesn't deserve that kind of treatment and it doesn't reflect well on you as a person. Two people in a relationship should treat one another with dignity and respect. Arguments may occur from time to time, but they should never break down into name-calling sessions.
If you have said things that you regret, then you really should take the time to apologize. An honest and open apology about certain things might help to smooth things over, but it does need to be sincere. People do make mistakes and forgiveness is possible. You just have to understand that words can be hurtful and that you shouldn't want to tear someone down who is supposed to be your partner.
Learn How To Communicate Better
Communication is another important facet of a relationship. Being able to communicate well with your partner is going to be crucial when you want your relationship to last. Many relationships that are considered to be rocky have communication issues. Some people simply don't understand how to talk to other people in an open and honest way.
It's certainly possible that your girlfriend or wife might have communication issues, too. You just need to focus on yourself and own up to your own problems for now. It's not unusual to have trouble communicating with someone. You just have to change your habits and learn how to communicate more effectively. This can take time and you might even want to reach out to a relationship counselor to get some pointers.
Try To Open Up And Stop Being Afraid To Be Vulnerable
One part of improving your communication with your partner is learning to open up. Opening up completely to your girlfriend might seem scary at first. Some people are very closed-off to others and don't feel comfortable sharing certain details of their lives. If you want to build a close bond and start working toward a happy relationship, then you can't be afraid to be vulnerable.
Vulnerability is something that can be tough to come to terms with. When you feel vulnerable in a relationship, it puts you in a position where you can really be hurt. There are also great benefits to being so open with your partner. You'll be able to know each other completely and it's going to be a lot easier to understand one another. If you really love someone else, then vulnerability is going to be a necessary part of the relationship.
Anger Management Might Be Necessary
Sometimes people wind up hurting others in relationships due to anger issues. If you keep hurting your girlfriend emotionally due to lashing out in anger, then you need to figure out how to stop. Someone that you love should not be treated this way. Emotional abuse can be just as painful as physical abuse and it's imperative that you get your issues under control.
This isn't necessarily going to be easy to do on your own. This is why you should seek out anger management specialists. Anger management is something that can teach you to deal with anger in a better way. Instead of turning your anger toward your partner, you can learn to calm down and cope with your feelings. There are many anger management techniques that can make you a much better boyfriend or husband.
It isn't unusual for couples to go through anger management therapy together either. If your relationship is on the rocks due to your anger issues, then this is going to be the most important step to take toward fixing things. Anger management is overseen by licensed therapists and they know how to get the right results. Consider signing up for anger management therapy today.
Consider Online Therapy
You should also know that online therapy is a great option that can help to heal your relationship. You can seek out a couple's therapy online in order to work on the issues that are present. It can take time to get the best results, but you're going to be able to make steady progress with the help of a licensed therapist. You'll be able to work on many things such as communication issues, anger problems, emotional baggage, and so much more.
The best part of online therapy is just how convenient it is. This is very discreet due to the fact that you don't have to leave home to participate. You can contact online therapists at any time and they'll be able to help you. It's the easiest way for busy professionals to receive the relationship counseling that they need.
Don't hesitate to sign up for online therapy today if you need help. You can get assistance for your personal problems or you can go through couple's therapy. Either way, you're going to be able to become a better man for the woman that you love. Take the time to reach out today if you want to stop hurting those that you love.