Marriage Counseling: How It Might Work For Your Relationship
Marriage can come with challenges. Even if you love your spouse, feelings of infatuation may fade over time with the passage through various stages of love. As relationships change, the behavioral patterns within them can too. If you think your marriage could improve or you find yourself experiencing frequent arguments and disagreements, you may consider marriage counseling.
Marriage Counseling Can Be Used At Any Stage
Some couples reach out for support before conflict occurs to create a plan for the future. You do not need a mental illness or a diagnosis to seek counseling. However, your insurance company might require it if you seek in-person therapy with a couples therapist.
Many couples use marriage counseling as a strategy for problem-solving. If you're still unsure whether marriage counseling is for you, the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy states that over 97% of couples seeking support feel they receive the desired results.
What To Keep In Mind When Seeking Therapy
What does a couples counselor do? What does a therapist do? How does marriage counseling work, and how can it help me? At this point, you may find yourself asking a lot of questions about what it might be like to start marriage counseling. Before you seek therapy, it’s important to review how marriage counseling works, as well as what it can and cannot do. When seeking relationship therapy, its effectiveness may depend on both parties being willing to make changes and learn lessons. When couples choose therapy together, it can signify they value their marriage and wish to preserve it. However, couples counseling might only benefit clients when they consistently attend therapy sessions and enter a therapeutic alliance with the counselor and one another simultaneously. Below are a few tips to bear in mind when considering marriage or couples counseling:
The therapist or marriage counselor cannot "fix" you.
Marriage counseling is not individual counseling for one partner.
The therapist or counselor is not a referee.
The therapist or counselor does not take sides.
Counseling does not rewrite the past.
Counseling does not necessarily right wrongs.
Your therapist may not tell you to divorce or separate without you bringing up the subject or asking for advice.
Every relationship therapist can be different, so ask questions to learn more about their approach.
Why Do Couples Choose Marriage Counseling?
Many couples seek marriage counseling because they want to strengthen their relationship, improve their communication skills, or address typical relationship challenges in the presence of a mental health professional. Couples may also experience conflict and face challenges, such as infidelity, disagreements over how to raise their children, or constant arguing, which may lead them to seek marriage counseling, either on its own or in addition to individual therapy.
Challenges with communication or making healthy choices can lead to these conflicts. Past experiences, family concerns, or past relationship challenges could also impact a couple's decision to see a therapist. Regardless of the couple's concerns, marriage therapy can provide a space of support, education, and guidance as the couple works to resolve conflicts, come to their own conclusions, and practice new ways of relating to each other.
When a couple chooses to attend couples therapy, sessions are overseen by licensed professionals, such marriage and family therapists, who are versed in clinical psychology and the dynamics between partners. A licensed therapist can teach couples communication techniques and offer advice for intimacy and emotional closeness.
During marriage counseling sessions, participants may also discuss each individual's feelings, thoughts, and behavioral patterns. Like in individual therapy, many couples therapists offer specific therapy modalities or specialties. Some therapists might specialize in sexual intimacy, while others might specialize in a specific type of therapy, like dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), solution focused therapy (SFBT), or emotionally focused therapy (EFT).
Starting Marriage Counseling Positively
Whether you're already living together before marriage or not yet, the decision to seek marriage counseling can be a positive one. Some couples might feel excited about the prospect of taking the step to talk to a marriage counselor, which could temporarily unify them. This excitement could lead to couples mistaking these positive feelings for a sign that their relationship has improved. The decision to see a counselor might lift stress from the couple's shoulders, and they may feel they no longer need relationship counseling.
To support your decision to see the positive impacts of counseling, try to list the subjects you'd like to discuss in your first marriage counseling session, and remember why you're attending counseling. Some couples notice a difference after just a few sessions of marital therapy. However, even if you see results after the first session, continue going to sessions to see how it impacts you. According to studies, over 70% of couples find couples therapy beneficial long-term, up to three years after a complete set of sessions ends.
How Much Does Marriage Counseling Cost?
The costs for marriage counseling, couples counseling, and marital and family therapy can vary based on a number of factors. These may include your area, the kind of therapist you see, and the number of sessions you'll need. According to Forbes, couples therapy can cost $175 to $275 per session.
You may pay around $700 to $980 monthly for four sessions. Your insurance policy might cover some of the costs. However, you could be responsible for co-pays. If you opt for an online version of marriage counseling, you may find it more cost-effective, with an average cost of $60 to $90 per session.
Approaches To Marriage Counseling
There are several approaches to marriage counseling, including the following.
The Adlerian Or Individual Approach
The Adlerian model of marriage counseling was devised by Alfred Adler, a pioneer in individual therapy. He believed each partner should be treated individually before being treated as a couple. With this approach, each person receives treatment separately. After individual sessions, the therapist can see both clients simultaneously. This approach allows the therapist to provide individual and joint support to couples.
The Therapeutic Model
With the therapeutic marriage counseling model, the counselor may treat the marriage like a mental health condition. The couple can work with the counselor to figure out the challenges impacting the marriage and how to fix them. This model may involve creating a strict treatment plan for communication issues, practicing trust exercises, or partaking in a specific therapy modality like DBT.
The Pragmatic Approach
The pragmatic approach to couples counseling encourages couples to face their sources of conflict head-on, whether from disagreements about the children, intimacy, communication, or another topic. The process may include self-examination, finding causes of distress, and remaining solution-oriented as you work to resolve conflicts effectively. Couples can learn to reduce blaming behaviors and cognitive distortions and learn how their partner is feeling by partaking in exercises to see the world from their lens.
The Gottman Method
Developed by John and Julie Gottman, Gottman therapy has been a successful therapeutic model for over 40 years. According to the Gottman Institute, several of the steps to this method include:
Learning to believe in commitment
Telling dreams and visions
Talking about hopes, values, and aspirations
Managing rather than fixing conflicts
Gaining positive perspectives
Stating your needs
Expressing your fondness and admiration for each other
Building love maps
How Long Does Marriage Counseling Take?
There may not be an overnight solution to a marriage concern. In addition, every couple has a different reason for seeking counseling, so counseling can be a personal experience. Regardless of the time it takes to receive support from therapy, the American Psychological Association shows that counseling can decrease the chance of divorce by 40% to 50%. Let your therapist know if you're concerned about the number of sessions you might commit to. They can help you develop a treatment plan and give you a potential estimate of how long it might take.
Lifestyle Changes To Improve Your Marriage
If you're still not decided on marriage counseling, you may decide to make other efforts at repairing your marriage. Below are a few lifestyle changes you can try to increase your connection with your partner.
Regular Date Nights
Many married couples may feel that romance falls to the wayside in their relationship after marriage. Consider making it a habit to go on a scheduled regular date night and continue communicating with each other. If you want inspiration for dates, you can print out a date idea list from the internet, cut up the ideas into small papers, fold them, and add them to a jar to pull out when you're ready for a date.
Communicate With Each Other
Focusing on your communication may allow you and your partner to reduce conflict. Actively listen by listening to hear and understand, not to respond. Engaging in conversation frequently can help you understand your partner and their needs. Some couples do weekly or monthly check-ins to see how each partner feels about the relationship.
Find areas of your relationship to be thankful for. For example, smiling and thanking your spouse when they go out of their way to do the chores, give you some time off, or buy you a small present can show them you appreciate their efforts. If you feel your spouse doesn't pull their weight in the relationship, showing gratitude can also encourage them to continue positive behaviors in the relationship.
Focus On The "Minor" Aspects Of Life
Living day in and day out with someone may lead you to forget what you once thought was significant. Focus on the "minor" things that make your partner feel loved. For example, hold their hand, hug them at the store, send them a cute text, or do the chores while they're at work. These actions might increase feelings of love and appreciation in your relationship.
Marriage Counseling Options
There are various forms of counseling and mental health services available for couples. However, some couples may feel unable to get one-on-one practice therapy in person due to insurance costs, session rates, or a lack of availability. In these cases, online marriage counseling may prove effective.
Because online marriage counseling can be done from anywhere with an internet connection, it is often more affordable than traditional face-to-face marriage counseling. The therapist or counselor saves money because they do not have to pay for purchasing or renting an office, staff, utilities, upkeep, and transportation. With online marriage counseling, you can use video, phone, or live chat sessions to talk to your therapist. In addition, partners can attend from two different locations or rooms.
Research shows online therapy can also be a powerful tool for strengthening relationships. In a study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, researchers found that online couples therapy improved relationship functioning, satisfaction, and individual functioning. If you're interested in partaking in online individual or couples therapy, consider platforms like BetterHelp for individuals and ReGain for couples. Both options offer over 30,000 therapists specializing in various symptoms and areas of support.
"This is my first time using an online counseling platform, and I couldn't be happier. The interactions with Theresa have been positive and profoundly useful. Since I started using this platform, my husband and I have signed up for online marriage counseling, which is going very well. I will never again need to miss work to attend an in-office meeting with my counselor."
"Stephanie is a gem! She's very thoughtful, thorough, honest, insightful, but, most of all, helpful. This is coming from a person that never wanted to do counseling and just "knew" I didn't need it. She's been key in helping my wife and I find our better place. She made us grow as a couple and individually. Thanks, Steph!"
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Below are a few frequently asked questions about marriage counseling for couples.
What Should I Not Tell A Marriage Counselor?
Making marriage counseling function for your relationship can be challenging if you struggle to be honest with your therapist. Knowing more about what you're dealing with in the relationship can help your counselor set realistic expectations for treatment. Couples therapy is a safe space for both partners to express themselves, tell feelings, and address the issues they want to work through. That means few topics are off-limits.
However, you might avoid bringing up topics unrelated to therapy or the reasons you're attending sessions. For example, you might avoid talking about political beliefs, arguing with a therapist's opinions, or discussing another person's concerns. In addition, therapists are not legally allowed to release information that other clients have given. That includes any information your spouse gave them in individual sessions where you were absent.
How Do You Know If Your Marriage Needs Counseling?
There are several signs that your marriage might benefit from counseling. However, relationships can differ, so what might lead to counseling for one couple might not lead to counseling for you. A few common reasons for counseling might include the following:
Opening a marriage
Adoption or foster care
Differences in values or morals
Deciding to get a divorce
Increasing emotional intimacy and bonding
Discussing sex-related challenges
Couples can discuss any concerns with their therapist. If you're unsure whether your concern can be treated, ask your provider to describe their treatment approach before your first session.
When Should You Get A Divorce?
Knowing when divorce might be the healthiest choice for a couple can be difficult. A couples therapist can offer mediation if one partner feels the relationship should end, but the other is not ready for divorce. In other cases, couples might agree that divorce is necessary and may want to discuss the process with a therapist.
Common reasons people divorce can include communication issues, lack of intimacy, financial troubles, and disagreements over how to raise children. What might lead to divorce in one case may not lead to divorce in another. If you’re unsure if you should get divorced, consider talking to a marriage and family therapist.
What do they talk about in marriage counseling?
How do you conduct marriage counseling?
What is the main problem in marriage counseling?
What questions are asked in marriage counseling?
Does marriage counseling really work?
How do you fix a broken marriage?
When should you consider marriage counseling?
How do I approach my first marriage counseling session?
How do I approach my husband about marriage counseling?
For what reason is marriage counseling not successful?
Can counseling fix a relationship?
Why do people go to marriage counseling?
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