Communicating With Teens: Everything You Need To Know To Make A Better Connection
Odds are if you’ve ever interacted with a teenager, you may have had a few bumps along the way. From screaming matches to slamming doors and endless arguments, teenagers don’t always have the gentlest reputations. Not to mention that when it comes to teens, communication can be the most difficult part. Sometimes, teens just assume you don’t hear what they say and may decide to tune you out. In the worst-case scenario, your teen’s behavior may get out of control. Although everyone was a teenager at some point in their lives, there often still seems to be a disconnect when trying to get your point across (or teenagers trying to get their point across). Understanding how the teenage mind works and putting yourself in their shoes to really understand your teen’s life, can be helpful, among other tips and tricks.
Communicating with teens
Even parents who are very close with their teens will find that communicating with them still has its challenges at times; this is normal. From secrets to lies to plain misunderstanding, it can be like a puzzle to figure out what methods work most effectively to keep communication open. These difficulties are enhanced by the fact that many teens are still trying to get a sense of their identity. Teenage communication doesn’t have to be as difficult as it seems for an adult and communicating with your teen is part of building a healthy relationship. Even when it is difficult, there are ways to ease the burden and open up the lines of communication within your family in a new way. With some effort, the right timing, and a whole lot of patience, you can become an excellent communicator with almost any teenager. Here are some tips for communicating with your teen in a healthy way.
Listen
One of the most powerful tips for parents when talking with teenagers is to just listen to them. Be sure to give them your full attention, make eye contact, and really hear them. Model effective listening skills, including maintaining eye contact, asking questions, and simply listening to understand. Many times, parents, teachers, and coaches at school are quick to talk over teens because they believe they know what’s best or right, but teens need to be heard. Parents and other adults might jump to conclusions when a teen is upset or assume they know what teenagers are going to say. It’s common for parents to be a little too eager to offer up their own solutions or unsolicited advice in their attempts to be helpful. It’s often more helpful to give them some tips, explain your point of view, and then allow them to decide what they want to do.
The failure of parents to listen carefully can cause unnecessary tension and push the teen away. Before responding and carrying on the conversation, listen to teenagers, and think first. Listening could save you from saying something you’ll regret later and spare the teen from any hard feelings or feeling unheard.
Take an interest in their lives
If parents are only holding conversations with a teenager when they’ve done something wrong, it may be a mistake. Teens are more receptive to the people they feel genuinely care for them and their lives. Take note of your teen’s interests and hobbies as it can create topics for discussion. Get to know teenagers for them— not for the child you think they should be.
For parents, this can be accomplished by being as involved in the lives of their teenagers as possible. Get to know their friends because friends tend to be the center of their world. Go to their sports games, choir concerts, and piano recitals. Essentially, as a mom or dad, you want to be your teenager’s biggest fan in life. If teenagers feel you care about the things they care about, they’ll often be more likely to open up with you. This is true of both the small and larger things of life.
Ask questions without judgment
A simple way to get to know young people during their teenage years is to ask a lot of questions. Here’s another of our favorite tips – it’s part of the job of an adult to be inquisitive, so don’t be afraid to ask questions. Teenagers may be uncomfortable with engaging in conversation if they’re not used to it. The trick is to ask these questions without any preconceived notions or judgments. Don’t ask a teenager a question if you’re not prepared for an honest answer; instead of judging, ask clarifying questions to better understand your teen. In fact, you should feel grateful the teen trusts you enough to be honest.
Don’t jump to conclusions
It’s easy to assume things, especially when parents have suspicions about specific behaviors, but to assume anything doesn’t help. It actually can really harm a relationship by eroding trust. It can be hard to pause while you are thinking things through, but try to assume the best of a teenager when you’re having a conversation with them. If you don’t understand something a teenager says, ask for clarification. It’s even more effective for parents to ask if they meant something in a certain way first rather than just assuming. If there seems to be a lot of misunderstandings happening between you and your teenager, it could be because one or both of you have the bad habit of jumping to conclusions.
Put yourself in their shoes
Everyone was a teenager at one point, meaning you understand them more than you might realize. If you’re a parent, you might straddle the line between being a good parent and a trustworthy friend your teen feels they can come to. Or parents might feel they are too much of a friend and not enough of a parent, or vice versa. In every situation, ask yourself how you felt at their age. Try to see things from your child’s perspective. Better yet, how would your younger self have reacted to your family during your teenage years? Putting yourself in the shoes of teenagers can lead to greater compassion and deeper understanding.
Admit when you’re wrong
Everyone makes mistakes with teenagers in a family no matter how old or how young they are. You’re going to mess up as a parent, teacher, or coach; it’s just a fact. What can help you gain the respect and trust of a teen in your life is admitting when you’ve messed up and having a talk about it. It also sets a positive example and shows your teen that they too can admit when they’ve made a mistake or regret something said or done. There’s no shame in admitting you’re wrong, so don’t second-guess yourself.
Give out what you expect back
If you’re shouting at your teen, you can usually expect them to act just like you and get shouted back at. That won’t help the relationship for either of you. If you’re intently listening, you can expect to be listened to in return. This doesn’t always work out perfectly with teenagers, but it’s a beneficial practice to have in place. Strive to stay positive and calm even when your teen isn’t displaying those emotions. Of course, no one is perfect, so don’t beat yourself up when you lose your cool with teenagers occasionally. When feelings of anger arise, it can be beneficial to give some space, avoid impulsive decisions, and return to the conversation later. The important thing is that you’re trying your best.
Don’t lecture them
No one likes to be told what to do. As parents, however, telling your children what to do is often necessary. This is not only for discipline and raising respectful constituents of society, but also to keep them safe. Still, kids don’t always realize that parents' intentions are usually in their best interest. Parents should try to make a conversation with a teenager an actual dialogue instead of dominating the entire conversation. Instead of lecturing a teen or telling them what to do, explain how you’re feeling and offer advice. This way, you still get to express your thoughts and feelings, but you aren’t forcing your children to do anything. Teenagers will usually be more responsive to ideas if they don’t feel coerced into them, especially if they feel as if the idea was partly their own.
Respect when they don’t want to talk
Boundaries are important and everyone needs to have them. Not honoring your teenager’s boundaries may send the message that other people won’t honor their boundaries either. Plus, they’re more likely to violate yours. If your teen says they don’t want to talk, respect that. Ask when a better time would be for them. Pay attention when it seems like they don’t want to talk. If they never want to talk when they get home from school, could it be that they’re tired from the long day and just want to relax and unwind? Take these cues and use them to your advantage. If you’re always cornering your teen with unwanted conversations in the car (where they can feel trapped), try something else, like a conversation at dinner instead. It’s all about balance and respect.
Don’t induce shame
On the rare occasion your teenager opens up to you, the last thing you’d want to do is make them feel bad which can negatively impact a teen’s sense of self-worth. Whether they’ve imparted something about themselves or are coming to you for advice, savor every opportunity that you get to hear what they have to say. If you’re a parent of a teen, communication can be made easier by creating a judgment-free zone. Once you’ve established this, your teen is more likely to come to you with any concerns they might be having with friends, at school, or in their relationship.
Impart your own stories with them
One of the most effective ways to connect with a teenager is to find a way to relate to them. It’s not as hard as you might think because you were their age at one point, even if that was forever ago. If a teen is struggling to open up with you, it can help to open up to them first. Impart stories from when you were a teenager and watch their faces light up. Many times, teens forget that their adult counterparts were once their age too. You can remind them by imparting embarrassing, funny, or helpful stories from that time in your life. They might learn a few family tips that will be helpful in improving their behavior. You’d be surprised at how much positive communication can help grow the trust between you and a teenager.
Be there for your teen
Everyone will have to communicate with a teen at some point, whether you’re a parent, teacher, coach, cashier, or family friend. It’s best to start learning how sooner rather than later. Teens can get a bad reputation for being hard to talk to but giving them the benefit of the doubt can do wonders. Teenagers can often feel as if the whole world is on their shoulders. A heavy burden can cause them to act in unusual ways. You have the chance to lighten that weight by being there for them. At the end of the day, as long as you’ve reminded your teenager that you love them and are there for them through anything, you’re doing the very best job you can.
Online therapy with BetterHelp
Are you struggling to learn how to communicate with your teen? Is your teen struggling to learn to communicate with you to behave responsibly? If your family issues have become overwhelming and you’re not sure what to try next, consider signing up for therapy through BetterHelp, an online counseling platform. A therapist can help create an environment that makes you feel comfortable talking about your child’s social life, education, or any other matter that impacts your relationship. While it can be difficult to talk about these issues with others in your life, the safety and comfort a therapy session provides may be what you need to fully open up about what you’re going through.
The effectiveness of online therapy
Many different types of people can benefit from participating in online therapy. This is true regardless of someone’s age, gender, or background. Several different studies have found that virtual therapy can be an effective tool for treating “a variety of mental and behavioral health conditions” among children and adolescents. Researchers note that children and adolescents can especially benefit from online therapy because these populations rely heavily on technology.
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Takeaway
What is a successful communication strategy for an adolescent?
There are many components of a successful communication strategy for talking with adolescents. Some of these components may include:
- Active Listening: When you talk with your child, it can be helpful to listen closely without interruption. Try to ask questions that show you are genuinely interested in what they are saying. In addition, it's important to be respectful of their opinions and perspective.
- Repetition: Adolescents often have a lot going on in their lives and may be distracted when you communicate with them. Instead of getting angry or losing your patience, it can be helpful to reiterate important points if you feel as though you weren’t heard.
- Non-judgemental Empathy: Listening without judging and trying to see situations from their side can help your adolescent feel more comfortable discussing sensitive subjects. If they judge them or react harshly, they may decide to avoid topics that require your assistance and guidance.
- Consistency: Check in with your child on a regular basis and try to ensure you are always available to talk. For example, you may want to set aside a time once a week when you can both have a one-on-one. This can encourage them to rely on you for support and to seek you out instead of less reliable sources of information.
What are communication high 5 strategies?
The Communication High 5 strategies can refer to five key strategies that may increase the early language acquisition of children. These five strategies include:
- Face to Face: Getting down to a child’s level and interacting with them directly
- Thinking Time: Giving children time to communicate the meaning of their thoughts through words and gestures
- Questions into Comments: Changing comments into statements, allowing children to come up with their own questions in order to develop their vocabulary and communication skills
- Wow Words: Introducing new vocabulary to children, repeating these words and their meaning throughout the day in the correct contexts
- Signs/Symbols/Objects: Helping children understand their environments and the world around them through the use of signs, symbols, and objects
What are 6 strategies for effective communication?
It can be challenging to maintain effective communication with teenagers. Here are a few strategies that may help.
- Listen Closely: To ensure that your teenager feels heard, make sure to pay attention during any conversation you have with them. One way to accomplish this is by repeating key points to show you are actively participating.
- Respect Their Boundaries: If your teenager expresses a desire to not discuss a specific subject, it's often best to respect their seclusion and change the subject. The exception to this would be if you are concerned they may be engaging in harmful or self-destructive behavior.
- Make it Fun: Every conversation with your teen doesn’t need to revolve around rules or consequences. It can be helpful to joke around with your children; this can make them more relaxed and willing to speak with you honestly about their lives.
- Be Willing to Compromise: An authoritarian parenting style can make it difficult to have open and effective communication. Being willing to compromise can help you show that you understand your teen is their own person, and shows a respect for their growing independence.
- Offer Constructive Criticism: If you want to give your teen guidance, it can be more effective to do so in a constructive manner. If you find yourself lecturing your teen or being particularly critical of their actions, it could make them less likely to take your advice.
- Seek Out a Professional: If effective communication seems impossible, it may be best to get the help of a mental healthcare professional. A family counselor may be able to show you how to better communicate with your teen. In addition, you may be able to attend therapy sessions with your teen, which can allow you to discuss communication challenges with the help of an unbiased third-party.
How do you tell someone to improve their communication skills?
Telling someone you believe their communication skills need improvement can be a delicate subject. In order to avoid damaging someone’s self-esteem, it may be best to start by complimenting them on something they have been doing well. From there, you can use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory or causing someone to be defensive. For example: “I feel as though I’ve been having trouble understanding what you need from me or the meaning behind your words. Can we talk about it?” From there, you can voice any worry or concern in a respectful manner and identify some ways the person could improve.
What are the 3 main elements of a communications strategy?
According to the University of Southern California, the three main elements of an effective communication strategy are: knowing your target audience, having specific and measurable goals, and creating the right team. While this may be more directed toward a business setting, it could also be applied to communicating with teens.
- Know Your Target Audience: Knowing who you are speaking to can help you tailor your message to that specific person. For parents, this means understanding your teens current academic, social, or work situation and empathically listening to their problems.
- Have Specific and Measurable Goals: For purpose-driven communication, it's important to set clear goals and expectations. If you approach your teen with a specific topic in mind, make sure that you understand the objective or problem and have a clear plan to solve it.
- Create the Right Team: In business, creating the right team likely refers to getting people with the right skill sets together for a project. In parenting, the right team is you, your partner or co-parent (unless you are a single parent), and your children. Understand the skills that each of your family members have, and build your communication strategies with those abilities in mind.
What are 10 communication strategies?
What communication strategy works best for you will vary depending on the individuals involved and the situation you are communicating about. If you are talking with your teenager, the strategies you use may differ from other parents. Here are ten strategies that may help you communicate more effectively.
- Be clear and concise with your message. Being direct and keeping to the important details can get your point across more efficiently.
- Try to avoid emotional outbursts when discussing sensitive subjects, and refrain from raising your voice if possible.
- Instead of accusing the other person when you think they are in the wrong, you may benefit from using “I” statements, which focus on how a situation affected you specifically.
- If you’ve made a mistake, it's often best to own up to it and acknowledge what you did wrong.
- Watch the other person’s body language, as this can help you get a better understanding of how they feel about a certain subject.
- While some conversations are best had in person, certain subjects may be easier to broach over text, email, or online messaging services.
- Provide the listener with choices instead of commands.
- Ask for feedback on your communication and ways you can improve.
- If you want to sit down for a conversation, it can be helpful to pick a conducive environment. In many cases, this will be one that is secluded and makes all participants comfortable.
- Bring up topics at an appropriate time. For example, if your teen is going through a breakup, it may not be the best time to bring up household chores or a missed school assignment.
What are the 6 C's of communication?
For parents, the 6 C’s of communication could be Caring, Contextual, Concise, Concrete, Correct, and Complete.
- Caring: Communicating with your children can often be more effective if you ensure they understand you care and love them.
- Contextual: Making sure that information is relevant to the person and the situation and hand can help improve communication.
- Concise: Not all conversations need to be long or drawn out, and getting right to your point can help get your message across.
- Concrete: Addressing problems or discussing topics that are real and measurable can keep conversations focused and productive.
- Correct: Having your facts straight, particularly before a conversation that may involve criticism, can increase communication efficacy.
- Complete: Knowing all of the subjects you intend to discuss beforehand and what the objective of a conversation is can prevent distractions or unnecessary conflicts.
What are the 7 barriers to communication?
While every relationship is unique and may deal with its own individual barriers, there are some common communication barriers that can create challenges. In order to bridge these gaps and learn to see ideas from the other person’s point of view, it can be helpful to acknowledge and understand these barriers.
Here are seven barriers you may encounter when talking to your loved ones.
- Emotional: Communication, especially with teenagers, can be fraught with emotions. If a subject is too sensitive or triggering, one or both participants may struggle to overcome the associated emotional barriers.
- Physical: Distance has the potential to make communication less effective. If you are trying to talk to someone who is in a different house, city, state, or country, you will likely have to call, text, or use a video chat service to talk. This can lead to technical difficulties, which could make it harder to get your message across.
- Perceptual: Everyone has their own unique perspective, and it's possible for two individuals to see the same situation in two different ways. If you both have a separate view, it may be hard to understand what the listener is trying to communicate.
- Language: In many cases, a language barrier refers to participants who don’t have a common language. When communicating with children, this barrier may refer to the use of slang and expressions that parents don’t understand.
- Cultural: Differences in culture can make it harder to understand specific subjects or behaviors, as what is ‘normal’ within your culture may not be in another. For families, cultural barriers can be the elements of your culture that your children don’t agree with.
- Gender and Sexuality: Gender and sexuality can also create a barrier. Stereotypes relating to specific identities may cause misinterpretations; in addition, it may be more difficult to understand the challenges that a person of a different gender or sexuality is experiencing.
- Interpersonal: Behavior and thought patterns can differ greatly from person to person, and failing to understand the way someone acts or thinks may create a barrier. These personal differences can vary, but may relate to self-esteem, challenges at school or work, or mental health conditions.
What are 4 skills that improve communication?
While the specific communication skills that an individual needs to improve on will vary, 4 skills that may be beneficial to work on include:
- Understanding Non-Verbal Communication: While many may associate communication with words, it's estimated that only 7% of communication is verbal. Learning to identify important elements of body language (both in others and yourself) can increase communication efficacy.
- Listening: It's possible to dedicate too much energy to getting one’s point across while failing to listen to what the other party has to say. Actively listening and understanding the other person’s point of view may reduce miscommunications and conflict.
- Empathy: Understanding the emotions and perspective of the listener and ‘putting yourself in their shoes’ can greatly improve communication quality. Try to remain aware of the other person’s situation, as this can help you understand the meaning behind their words.
- Questioning: Well-crafted questions can mean the difference between a productive conversation and an unsuccessful one. In many cases, it can be helpful to have clear and concise questions while ensuring that you pay close attention to the answers.
What are the tips of positive communication?
While negativity can often be ineffective and unpleasant, positive communication can be a productive way to address subjects. Here are three examples of tips that may help you communicate in a positive manner.
- Avoid Negative Vocabulary: Ensuring that your conversation sticks to positive language can be helpful. Using phrases like “you need to stop”, “that never happened”, or “don’t you ever” can harm the listener’s self-esteem or cause them to be defensive.
- Offer Assistance: If the situation allows it, it can be helpful to offer your help or divide the responsibility. If a task must be completed by the listener, it could be beneficial to offer alternatives they may find more pleasant or feasible.
- Maintain Positive Body Language: While word choice is important, it can also be helpful to maintain positive body language. Staying relaxed, avoiding crossing your arms, and smiling can all be helpful when trying to communicate positively.
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