Six Things To Talk About With Your Boyfriend To Improve Your Relationship

If your relationship is going strong, it's a great idea to continue the effort to keep it strong. If it's not going so well, it might be time to look at what's going wrong. Communication problems are among the most common reasons why relationships break down. So, whether you’re looking for ways to improve or strengthen a long-term relationship or working to manage conflicts with your partner, communication can be a great start.

Focus On What You Can Do For Your Relationship

With this in mind, it can be useful to ask your boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner about how you’re both feeling about your relationship. The conversation starters listed below may help you see areas where you can improve.

Six Conversation Starters To Try With Your Boyfriend

Listed below are some questions you can ask your partner to improve communication and strengthen your relationship.

1. What Would You Like To Do Together That We Haven't Done Yet?

Have your partner think about something fun they've always wanted the two of you to do together but that you've never tried. Although there can be a tendency to assume this question refers to a sexual fantasy or adventure, it can also be an opportunity to explore new interests and hobbies. Another way to frame this question might be, “If we had one week to do whatever you wanted, what would you want to do together?”

Maybe there’s something your partner is interested in that you weren't sure about trying before, or perhaps they never even mentioned it but have had it on their bucket list for their whole life. This could be traveling to a new country, entering a dance competition, doing a recent activity like rock climbing, or something simpler like trying fresh cuisine.

If you’re looking for inspiration, you might consider asking your partner about exciting or fun things they’ve done in the past: that time they threw caution to the wind, their most memorable vacation, the spiciest thing they’ve ever eaten, or the craziest thing they’ve done that they enjoyed and want to re do. Be open-minded and give things a try. You may be surprised by how much fun you can have and how you might bond over it.

New experiences can help create new conversations. For example, if you decide to take a class together or do an activity, such as paddle boarding, that you've never done, you will create new memories and have new topics to explore together.

2. What Is It About Us That Makes You Happy?

You want to know why you're in this relationship, right? Understanding what about the relationship makes your partner happy can help you feel more confident. It can also help you continue to do things they value in your relationship.

This can be a big question, so it may help to phrase it along the lines of, “If you could sum up your favorite thing about our relationship in one word, what would it be?” or, “What’s one thing you wouldn’t change about our relationship?”

Sometimes, you can get a better sense of your partner's priorities by understanding the answer to this question. This can help you in other areas of your relationship, as well.

3. How Can I Show You I Love You?

Everyone has different ways in which they express love and feel loved. There are five primary love languages: quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, gift giving and receiving, and acts of service. Learning your primary love language(s) as well as your partner’s, can prove crucial in understanding one another better and expressing your love.

Remember, what’s considered normal for one person in this regard might not be the same for another. Perhaps your partner's primary love language is touch, and he values holding hands when you're out or a kiss now and then. Maybe you thought you were showing love well by expressing it via your primary love language of spending quality time together—for example, watching their favorite movie or spending a quiet morning at a coffee shop. It may turn out you've been limiting your displays of affection by only expressing them in ways you understand. Asking your partner how they feel and experience love can help to deepen your understanding of one another and your bond as a result.

4. Can I Help You With Anything At All?

This is always a great question because it lets your partner know you care. This could be something as simple as picking up the groceries, helping with laundry, or even just sitting and talking with them. But asking for just one thing can help them realize you're thinking of them and help them to feel appreciated and seen.

When asking this question, follow through. Do it if you can handle their request, even if it's hard or something you don't particularly enjoy. Maybe your partner would love to have your company at a mandatory class or sports meet, or for you to take over the cooking on a particularly stressful work week. Helping your partner can be a great way to show you are listening and caring. But if you ignore them or come up with a list of excuses, it may lead to a bigger problem.

5. Is There One Thing You Would Like Me To Change?

If your partner wants you to change something about your personality, it may not be a good sign—and it may even be a deal breaker. You don't need to change who you are to make someone happy. But there may be habits or behaviors you could adjust to help the relationship grow.

Maybe your partner would prefer it if you put your clothes in the hamper rather than on the floor, listened to music more quietly, kept your books or your action figure collection in a different place, or did more activities with them. Maybe you have to be away during the day for work, and they would love to have more quality time with you when you get home. It's perfectly normal for every person in a relationship to have these little things they wish their partner would do differently. If it's not a big deal, try to work on making the change. That said, there is a difference between making little changes and altering who you are. It might be best if you weren't with someone asking you to change who you are.

This question may be intricately linked with question 3, depending on your situation and your partner's answers. People receive and give love in different ways. We all have our own preferred "love languages." It's essential to understand each others' love languages, so you know what to do to ensure you are both feeling loved and respected in the relationship. You and your boyfriend can each take the online quiz linked in question 3 to determine your love language. This information can be a game changer in your relationship regarding communication and love.

6. What Could We Do Differently To Help You Be Happier?

There's always room for improvement in any relationship. If you're not so sure about the health of your relationship or your partner's happiness, it may be a good idea to look at what's making them unhappy. This doesn’t have to mean asking them for the brutally honest truth with point-blank questions like, “What’s the worst thing about being with me?” Instead, it can help to take a step back and examine the state of your relationship. Are you fighting a lot? Is one of you feeling frustrated or stressed, either separately or together? Talk about it and see what changes you can make. Perhaps that means helping with household chores more, telling them you appreciate them, or giving them space when they request it.

It may be best if you approach this topic in a non-passive-aggressive way. Don't ask this question to bring up all of your complaints, dig into past relationships, or get defensive and claim that any issues are someone else’s fault. Rather, it can be important to actively listen and support your partner.

Talking With A Counselor Can Help

The riskiest thing about these sorts of conversations can be their potential to unearth new emotions and sources of frustration, possibly leading to an awkward moment or even an argument. That’s why professional help if you're not happy in a relationship can be highly beneficial. Couples counseling allows you and your partner to learn strategies to help you improve your communication and connection. Even if your partner doesn't want to participate in counseling, individual sessions can also help you make improvements. Research shows that online therapy is an effective tool for strengthening couples. One such study found that 94% of users reported feeling satisfied with online relationship services, with 57% making significant progress in overall relationship satisfaction.

Recent research has further demonstrated the effectiveness of online couples therapy.

BetterHelp offers online therapy that easily fits counseling into your busy schedule. You can read reviews of some of BetterHelp’s therapists below from people experiencing similar issues.

Counselor Reviews

"Dr. Mallett provides a safe environment for me to express my concerns. She offers great advice and different perspectives for me to understand how to make my relationship with myself and my partner better."

 "The longer I work with Dr. Simon, the more grateful I am to have found a counselor who strikes such a kind balance between supporting and empathizing as well as challenging and coaching. She's been invaluable to my progress individually and in my relationship."