6 Things To Talk About With Your Boyfriend To Improve Your Relationship

By: Stephanie Kirby

Updated November 09, 2021

Medically Reviewed By: Stephanie Deaver, LCSW

If your relationship is going strong, it's a great idea to continue the effort to keep it strong. If it's not going so well, it's time to look at what's going wrong. Communication problems are the most common reasons why relationships break down. So, if you are looking to improve or strengthen your relationship, communication is a great place to start.

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The Key Is Focusing On What You Can Do

You have no control over how another person behaves or talks. This can be frustrating, but healthy relationships happen when each person focuses more on their own actions than that of their partner and understands that they are in control of themselves, their thoughts, and their behaviors. The conversation starters listed below are to help you see areas in which you can improve.

6 Conversation Starters To Talk About With Your Boyfriend

Listed below are some ideas of questions you can ask your partner in order to improve communication and strengthen your relationship.

  1. What Would You Like To Do Together That We Haven't Done Yet?

Have them think about something fun they've always wanted the two of you to do together but you've never tried. Maybe it's something you weren't sure about trying before, or maybe they never even mentioned it but have always wanted to. This could be travelling to a new country, doing a new activity like rock climbing, or something simpler like going dancing or trying new cuisine. Be open-minded and give things a try. You may be surprised by how much fun you can actually have and why you might bond over.

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New experiences can help create new conversations. For example, if you decide to take a class together or do an activity, such as paddle boarding, that you've never done before, you will create new memories and have new topics to explore.

  1. What Is It About Us That Makes You happy?

You want to know why you're in this relationship, right? Understanding what about the relationship makes your partner happy can help you feel more confident. And it can help you continue to do those things that they value in your relationship. Sometimes by understanding the answer to this question, you can get a better sense of your boyfriend's priorities. This can help you in other areas of your relationship, as well.

  1. How Can I Show You I Love You?

Everyone has different ways in which they express love and feel loved. There are five primary love languages: quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, gift giving and receiving, and acts of service. Learning your primary love language(s) and your partner’s can prove crucial in learning how to better understand one another and express your love. Perhaps your partner’s primary love language is touch, and he really values holding hands when you're out or a kiss every now and then. Maybe you thought you were showing love well by expressing it via your primary love language of spending quality time together, but it turns out you've been limiting your shows of affection by only expressing them in ways that you personally understand. Asking your partner how they feel and experience love can help to really deepen your understanding of one another, and your bond as a result.

  1. Can I Help You With Anything At All?

This is always a great question because it lets them know you care. It could be something as simple as picking up the groceries, helping with a load of laundry, or even sitting and talking with them. But asking for just one thing can help them realize you're thinking of them, and help them to feel appreciated and seen.

When asking this question, follow through. If you can handle their request, even if it's hard or something that you don’t particularly enjoy, do it. This is a great way to show you are listening and that you care. But if you ignore them or come up with a list of excuses, it's likely going to cause a bigger problem.

  1. Is There One Thing You Would Like Me To Change?

If they want you to change something about your personality, it's probably not a good sign. You don't need to change who you are as a person to make someone happy. But there may be habits or behaviors you could adjust to help the relationship grow.

Maybe your partner would prefer it if you put your clothes in the hamper rather than on the floor, if you listened to music more quietly, or did more activities with them. It's perfectly normal for every person in a relationship to have these little things they wish their partner would do differently. If it's not a big deal, work on the change.

But remember, there is a difference between little changes and altering who you are as a person. You shouldn't be with someone asking you to change who you are.

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This question may rather intricately linked with question 3, depending on your situation and your partner’s answers. People receive and give love in different ways. We all have our own preferred "love languages." It's important to understand each others' love languages so you know what to do to ensure you are both feeling loved and respected in the relationship. You and your boyfriend can each take an online quiz, linked in question 3, to determine what your love language is. This information can be a game changer in your relationship when it comes to communication and love.

  1. What Could We Do Differently To Help You Be Happier?

There's always room for improvement in any relationship. If you're not so sure about the health of your relationship or your partner’s happiness, it may be a good idea to look at what's making them unhappy. Are you fighting a lot? Is one of you feeling frustrated or stressed, either separately or together? Talk about it and see what changes you can make. Perhaps it’s helping with household chores more, telling them you appreciate them, or giving them space when they request it.

It's important you do this in a non-passive-aggressive way. Don't ask this question with the goal to bring up all of your complaints, but rather with the goal to listen and support your partner.

Talking With A Counselor Can Help

Professional help for your relationship can be extremely beneficial. Couples counseling allows you and your partner to learn strategies to help you improve your communication and your relationship. But, even if your boyfriend doesn't want to be a part of counseling, individual sessions can help you to make improvements as well. Research shows that online therapy is an effective tool for strengthening couples. A study of BetterHelp found that 94% of users reported feeling satisfied with online relationship services, with 57% making significant progress in overall relationship satisfaction.

You may read the full study here: Marriage: A Randomized Controlled Trial of the Web-Based OurRelationship Program: Effects on Relationship and Individual Functioning.

BetterHelp has online therapy that makes it easy to fit counseling into your busy schedule. You can read reviews of some of BetterHelp therapists below, from people experiencing similar issues.

Counselor Reviews

"Dr. Mallett provides a safe environment for me to express my concerns. She offers great advice as well as different perspectives for me to understand how to make my relationship with myself as well as with my partner better.”

"The longer I work with Dr. Simon, the more grateful I am to have found a counselor who strikes such a kind balance between supporting and empathizing as well as challenging and coaching. She's been invaluable to the progress I've made individually and in my relationship."


If you need some help understanding your wants and needs, or if you and your partner need a little help overcoming relationship issues, try the tips mentioned above. A fulfilling, and lasting relationship is possible-with the right tools and an open mind. Take the first step.

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