6 Things To Talk About With Your Boyfriend To Improve Your Relationship
Updated November 18, 2019
Reviewer Stephanie Deaver, LCSW
If your relationship is going strong, it's a great idea to continue the effort to keep it strong. If it's not going so well, it's time to look at what's going wrong. Communication problems are the most common reasons why relationships end. So, if you are looking to improve or strengthen your relationship, communication is a great place to start.
The Key Is Focusing on What You Can Do
You have no control over how another person behaves or talks. This can be frustrating, but healthy relationships happen when each person focuses more on their own actions than that of their partner. The conversation starters listed below are to help you see areas in which you can improve.
6 Conversation Starters to Talk about with Your Boyfriend
Listed below are some ideas of questions you can ask your partner in order to improve communication and strengthen your relationship.
1. What would you like to do together that we haven't done yet?
Have them think about something fun they've always wanted the two of you to do together but you've never tried. Maybe it's something you weren't sure about trying before, or maybe they never even mentioned it but have always wanted to. Be open-minded and give things a try. You may be surprised how much fun you can actually have.
New experiences can help create new conversations. For example, if you decide to take a class together or do an activity like paddleboarding you've never done, you will create new memories and have new topics to explore.
2. What is it about us that makes you happy?
You want to know why you're in this relationship, right? Understanding what about the relationship makes them happy can help you feel more confident. And it can help you continue to do those things. You might never have guessed what makes them happy.
Sometimes by understanding the answer to this question, you can get a better sense of your boyfriend's priorities. This can help you in other areas of your relationship as well.
3. How can I show you I love you?
This is a little different from asking what you can do to help because you're going to show them your love. Maybe surprises would make them feel loved. Maybe it's holding hands when you're out or a kiss every now and then. Maybe you thought you were showing love well, but it turns out you've been missing what's most important.
4. Can I help you with anything at all?
This is always a great question because it lets them know you care. It could be something as simple as picking up the groceries, helping with a load of laundry, or even sitting and talking with them. But asking for just one thing can help them realize you're thinking of them.
When asking this question, follow through. If you can handle their request, even if it's hard, do it. This is a great way to show you are listening and that you care. But if you ignore them or come up with a list of excuses, it's going to cause a bigger problem.
5. Is there one thing you would like me to change?
If they want you to change something about your personality, it's probably not a good sign. You don't need to change who you are as a person to make someone happy. But there may be habits or behaviors you could adjust to help the relationship grow.
Maybe your partner would prefer it if you put your clothes in the hamper rather than on the floor. Or if you didn't give yourself a manicure in the living room. It's perfectly normal for every person in a relationship to have these little things they wish their partner would do differently. If it's not a big deal, work on the change.
But remember, there is a difference between little changes and who you are as a person. You shouldn't be with someone asking you to change who you are.
People receive and give love in different ways. We all have our own preferred "love languages." It's important to understand each others' love languages so you know what to do to ensure you are both feeling loved and respected in the relationship. If you want more information about the 5 types of love languages, check out The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. You and your boyfriend can each take an online quiz to determine what your love language is. This information can be a game changer in your relationship when it comes to communication and love.
6. What could we do differently to make you happier?
There's always room for improvement in any relationship. If you're not so sure about yours, it may be a good idea to look at what's making them unhappy. Are you fighting a lot? Is one of you feeling frustrated or stressed, separately or together? Talk about it and see what changes you can make.
It's important you do this in a non-passive-aggressive way. Don't ask this question with the goal to bring up all of your complaints, but rather with the goal to listen and support your partner.
Talking with a counselor
Professional help for your relationship can be extremely beneficial. Couples counseling allows you and your partner to learn strategies to help you improve your communication and your relationship. But, even if your boyfriend doesn't want to be a part of counseling, individual sessions can help you to make improvements as well.
BetterHelp has online therapy that makes it easy to fit counseling into your busy schedule. You can read reviews of some of BetterHelp therapists below, from people experiencing similar issues.
"Jeffrey was a great fit for me, because he and I happened to have a lot in common and he could relate to my situations very well, making our sessions much easier than they could have been. He's very nice, polite, and is always interested in getting to what's truly causing the issues at hand. Would definitely recommend him to anyone looking for someone to talk to about relationships."
"The longer I work with Dr. Simon, the more grateful I am to have found a counselor who strikes such a kind balance between supporting and empathizing as well as challenging and coaching. She's been invaluable to the progress I've made individually and in my relationship."
If you need some help understanding your wants and needs, or if you and your partner need a little help overcoming relationship issues, try the tips mentioned above. A fulfilling, and lasting relationship is possible-with the right tools and an open mind. Take the first step.