The Five Stages To Finally Let Go Of Your Ex

Are you finding it difficult to stop thinking about your ex in the wake of a breakup? This happens to many people at some point—or several times—throughout life. It can be difficult to start the process of letting go. Even when breaking up was a healthy choice, it can still be hard to accept the end of a relationship.

You may find that there are specific triggers that remind you of your former partner. Whether these are physical items around the house or places that you pass by, these instances may make it hard to move on from the memories that you have. One helpful strategy to move on from a relationship is removing any items that remind you of your ex. By removing these items and avoiding certain places, you can better position yourself to move forward (potentially to your next relationship)without experiencing unnecessary triggers.

Grief at the end of relationships

Sometimes, the end of a relationship can even cause grief. Remember that everyone has a different timeline when experiencing grief, and it is important not to hold yourself to a specific time frame for moving on. Many people find healing through the five stages of grief and loss:

• Denial and isolation: This stage is a defense mechanism to buffer the immediate shock of loss, and it may last for weeks or months. During this phase, you may withdraw from others and refuse to accept the truth about the termination of your relationship.

• Anger: This stage can come and go after a breakup as you let yourself realize what happened. You may feel angry at yourself for something you did or angry at the other person for their actions that contributed to the breakup.

• Bargaining: In this stage, you may imagine what you could have done differently to keep the relationship together. You may try to make a deal with your former partner so that you can make things work again. Remember that these feelings are common and that you are not alone in trying to bargain after a breakup.

• Depression: This stage may last longer than any other stage, at some points feeling as though it may last forever. Because of this, some people find it the most difficult stage after a breakup. It involves feeling sad about the loss of a partner, and for some, this sadness may be temporary or easily treatable. For others, it can linger and turn into depression, which can prove challenging to navigate alone. If you are experiencing depression, it can be beneficial to seek support from a mental health professional.

• Acceptance: This final stage likely won’t happen in a single moment, and may happen gradually over a long period of time. In this stage, you may find that you are able to accept that the relationship is over and come to terms with this reality. You may not be happy about it, but you can feel comfortable with the thought of moving on.

Again, grief will not look the same for everyone; there is no guarantee that you will experience all five of these stages or experience them in order. You may follow a different model of grief entirely. Still, having an understanding of what can be a part of grief can be helpful in allowing yourself to process those emotions and move forward.

How to let go of an ex

When you were not the one who decided to end the relationship, letting go can sometimes feel more difficult or challenging. This is something that many people experience at some point in life.  

If you are experiencing painful or difficult emotions, you should know that you do not have to go through this process alone. You may benefit from surrounding yourself with a support system comprised of family and best friends. Given that being broken up with is common, you may find that others understand what you are experiencing based on first-hand experience. 

Letting go might not look the same for everyone, but here are some tips to try:

• Focus on yourself and the good things in your life
• Spend time with a close friend
• Join a club or group
• Practice mindfulness rather than dwelling on the past anymore

No matter what you choose to do, do not forget that time often helps with this process. Time can help you let go in ways that may surprise you. 

To feel comfortable and confident with the loss of the relationship, you may find that it helps to allow yourself to feel every emotion that arises. You’re allowed to be upset that the relationship ended. Even if the relationship was not positive toward the end, it’s okay to feel sad about the loss you’re enduring. 

To truly move on from the relationship, it may help to process all of your emotions, good and bad. Otherwise, you may find it difficult to feel closure from the relationship.

The role and benefits of therapy for the healing process

Anyone can experience difficulties during and after a breakup. It’s easy to feel like no one understands what you’re feeling. However, there are professional therapists who understand what you are going through and have experience helping people navigate the breakup process. 

Online therapy allows you to receive professional help without having to go into an office and talk to someone in person, which may seem overwhelming when you’re going through a breakup. In addition to the comfort of receiving therapy in your home, online therapy allows you to talk to a therapist from outside your community if you prefer. This may help you feel more confident in telling your feelings during this process. 

If you’re experiencing depression related to a breakup, you should know that research has found online therapy to be just as effective as in-person therapy for depression, which can often accompany a breakup and is part of the grieving process. 

BetterHelp offers online counseling options for individuals who want help coping with life changes, including difficulty letting go of an ex. Our licensed, accredited professionals offer a wealth of knowledge and experience and are available to help you move forward.