Conversations To Have With Your Boyfriend To Improve The Relationship
By: Stephanie Kirby
Updated May 11, 2021
Who doesn't want a happy relationship? It's a goal for many people. But making a relationship work means both people have to take each other into consideration. You've likely heard that one of the most important aspects of a stable, healthy relationship is communication. It may be an old saying, but it's true. In this article, we'll discuss some conversations to have with your boyfriend to improve your relationship and keep it healthy.
Not only will learning the right ways to have conversationshelp improve your relationship, but couples can build stronger relationships by talking about the right topics, as well.
Why open and honest is the best approach
It can be difficult to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend. But the healthiest and most fulfilling relationships involve individuals who are emotionally open with each other, and honest about who they are and what they want. Instead of avoiding a difficult discussion, it's almost always better to talk now.
Of course, there can be better times to talk than at this very moment. If you want to have a serious discussion, calling him at work is not the way to go. You want to wait until a time where you both can be fully present and focused.
Lying or hiding information from your boyfriend is not a good sign for the relationship. It may mean that you can't trust him, or that you fear your opinions are incompatible. It could also mean that you don't think that he will accept you the way that you are. If any of these are the case, then there may be underlying issues in the relationship; or, it could be that you don't feel confident in yourself. Instead of fearing the worst, find out. Have the discussion.
Conversations to have with your boyfriend if it's getting serious
If you plan to take your relationship to the next level and form a long-term commitment, there are some things each of you needs to discuss with the other. It's better to end a relationship that won't work well now than to stick with it for another year, only to find out that you disagree on some very basic aspects of where the relationship is going.
You will be doing yourself and your partner a favor by being authentic. Let the relationship go if you both think you'll ultimately be happier separate. Here are some conversations to consider having if things are getting serious and you want to continue to improve the relationship:
What does each of you want from a long-term relationship? Some people are content with the commitment that comes with a long-term relationship, while others believe that marriage is the logical next step after dating for a certain period of time. This can be different for everyone, but it's something that is important for you to know. If marriage is your goal and your boyfriend never wants to get married, you're going to have to decide how to move forward, if at all.
Talking about your expectations, including how you expect to be treated, is an important step for your relationship.
Do you agree on financial philosophies?And if not, will it be a problem? Is he a saver but you’re a spender? Are you both focused on planning and saving for retirement? If you are in a serious relationship, this is an extremely important conversation as financial problems and disagreements are one of the most common reasons for break-ups and divorces.
Children or the possibility of them
Do either of you already have children, and if so, what will be your partner's role in their lives? When should they meet the children? If you are the parent, your first priority is likely figuring out what is best for your kids. You probably want to know that the relationship is stable and serious before making introductions. Or, you may want help raising your children. You will want to know how your partner feels about this, and if they are willing.
If neither of you have kids, do you want them with an eventual long-term partner? Or if you already have children, do you want to have another child in the future? This is a good conversation to have. And keep in mind, sometimes people change how they feel about children, and sometimes they do not. If your partner tells you they absolutely do not want to have children, and you know that it is extremely important to you, this may be a sign that this relationship will not go in the direction you had hoped it would. While painful, it is better to know sooner than later, so you do not invest time into a person who wants drastically different things than you.
How to handle conflict
Take time to discuss how each of you handles conflict before you have a fight. It can save a lot of pain. For example, if you are the one who needs time to walk away and think before you respond, it is important to tell your partner this so that they don't think you are just walking away and ignoring them.
This conversation can also help you to become aware of areas that you can focus on to be able to improve yourself and your relationship. For example, if you tend to raise your voice in an argument, it might be something that you don't realize in the heat of the moment but thinking about it in advance can help.
Long-term goals for your life
Do you have further education and career plans? How about your partner? If your dream is to pursue higher education, the debt and time this will take will be important for your partner to know. Understanding what your boyfriend's future dreams are can also provide you with an opportunity to know how to support and encourage him as he pursues his goals.
As your relationship is continuing to grow and develop, it can be helpful to set goals for it. These don't have to be serious goals, they could be things like vacations you want to take together or activities that you want to learn how to do.
What defines the boundaries of your relationship? How much time should be allotted to your partner versus friends or family? Is this a completely monogamous relationship, or are each of you more flexible about sexual or emotional relationships outside of this one?
These are critical conversations to have to make sure that you're on the same page. It will also help you to protect your relationship as you move forward.
Talk to each other about your childhood. It's an important part of who you are, and what you may have missed out on. How you grew up does not necessarily define your future, but it can help you and your partner understand each other and why you may feel the way you do on certain issues. It can also spark discussion on what you expect and hope for in a relationship and your lives.
Of course, it's possible for either partner's opinion to change on any of these topics. That happens. A strong relationship built on open and honest communication has a good shot at dealing with any issue.
A Healthier Relationship Through BetterHelp
Talking to a couple's therapist with your boyfriend can help to strengthen the relationship you already have. If you don't think your relationship is serious enough yet for couple's counseling, you could participate in individual counseling with a therapist. This can help you to identify where you want the relationship to go and what you're hoping to get out of it. Sometimes getting clear on things in your own head is the first step you need to take before starting a conversation with your boyfriend.
Studies have shown that online therapy is an effective method of counseling for couples. One study, published by the Australian Association of Family Therapy, found that online resources are useful in helping couples work through relationship issues. Specifically, the article mentions the convenience of online therapy compared to traditional, face-to-face therapy. The article notes that online platforms eliminate certain time, financial, or geographic barriers that can keep couples from seeking treatment. It also indicates that individual counseling is beneficial for couples, as the communication skills members of a relationship learn separately can help them in interactions with each other.
If you and your boyfriend are interested in counseling, but feel you don’t have the time to fit it in between your work life and personal life, online therapy through BetterHelp makes it quick and convenient. You can access BetterHelp’s online platform via the app, and attend sessions from wherever you can get an internet connection. Below you can read BetterHelp counselor reviews, from people experiencing a range of relationship issues.
"Blaire has been amazing. She's super supportive, empathetic, and kind. She has helped me gain confidence in myself and learn that it is okay to enforce healthy boundaries in my relationships."
"Mark is an amazing therapist. He listens so well and has such valuable insight on male and female perspectives and issues while also not passing judgment. I have only just begun, but he has already given me so many great takeaways to improve my relationships and situations. I am filled with gratitude, and I would highly recommend him to anyone!!"
Whether your relationship is just starting out or is going great, the conversations above can be helpful in bringing improvement and continued growth. A fulfilling and lasting relationship is possible—all you need are the right tools.
Previous ArticleHow To Get Over Someone You Love And Start Fresh
Next ArticleKnowing The Six Types Of Love Can Improve Your Relationships
Learn MoreWhat Is Online Therapy? About Online Counseling
Abuse ADHD Adolescence Alzheimer's Ambition Anger Anxiety Attachment Attraction Behavior Bipolar Body Dysmorphic Disorder Body Language Bullying Careers Chat Childhood Counseling Current Events Dating Defense Mechanisms Dementia Depression Domestic Violence Eating Disorders Family Friendship General Grief Guilt Happiness How To Huntington's Disease Impulse Control Disorder Inclusive Mental Health Intimacy Loneliness Love Marriage Medication Memory Menopause Mental Health Of Men And Boys MidLife Crisis Mindfulness Monogamy Morality Motivation Neuroticism Optimism Panic Attacks Paranoia Parenting Personality Personality Disorders Persuasion Pessimism Pheromones Phobias Pornography Procrastination Psychiatry Psychologists Psychopathy Psychosis Psychotherapy PTSD Punishment Rejection Relationships and Relations Resilience Schizophrenia Self Esteem Sleep Sociopathy Stage Fright Stereotypes Stress Success Stories Synesthesia Teamwork Teenagers Temperament Tests Therapy Time Management Trauma Visualization Willpower Wisdom Worry
How To Feel Confident In Awkward Social Situations 10 Signs That You Might Be In A Negative Relationship How To Move On From A Relationship The Importance Of Communication In A Relationship Is It Time To Seek Relationship Therapy? What To Do In A Relationship When You’re Not Happy How To Know When Your Romantic Relationship Is Over - And 3 Real-Life Ways To Cope