How To Stop Dreaming Of Your Ex—And Other Unpleasant Thoughts
While some people may be able to avoid the experience of being broken up with, they, at some time or another, may endure the emotions and experiences that can be involved with the end of a relationship.
Consciously, we might do anything we need to in order to forget about the person or the experience. However, there can be instances where we might be reminded of our past relationships—such as in our dreamscape.
Dreaming of your ex can be a bittersweet experience for some and may also leave you with mixed feelings about it being over. But what does it really mean when you dream about your ex?
Read on to explore possible causes, meanings, and experiences below, as well as helpful tips that can help you to redirect your thinking—and possibly your dreams.
Dreams: What are they and how do they work?
Many may dream several times a night as they go through the different sleep cycles.
Our brains can cycle through different stages of sleep that can have different sets of benefits for the mind and body. The cycle in which we most vividly dream is known as REM or rapid eye movement.
Sigmund Freud is generally regarded as one of the most prominent psychologists who studied the concept of dreaming and is attributed with identifying that the things we might dream about can stem from repressed memories or experiences in the unconscious mind.
With this in mind, you may consider the possible implications of your recent dreams about your ex. For example: During waking hours, we may not want to remember them—as these memories can cause nervous feelings or a distracted focus in many. It could be a possibility, then, that a part of our consciousness may subconsciously filter these emotions so we can get on with our day. Then, when we are in deep sleep, the memories and thought patterns may surface in our dreams.
Many researchers believe that we may not have control over this possible influence.
What do dreams of your ex mean?
Many leading psychologists agree that when a significant and known person in your life appears in your life, and you have strong feelings for that person, this person may show up in your dreams.
Dreaming about your ex can be a signal that you still think about them. Maybe not amorously, but perhaps with a concern about the current state of their life. While this can feel overwhelming to consider, we do want to encourage you that dreaming about your ex might not mean that you have true romantic feelings towards them or that there's a possibility for you to get back together. You are generally able to retain control of your life in that sense, choosing not to act on those dreams unless you have a desire to do so.
Inspiration can be another possible meaning that can be related to frequent dreams of past loves. For example: You may be inspired to find ways of finding a new, “true” connection, perhaps offering you the same intensity and “thrill” as you had with your ex.
Exploring your dreams: Taking the next step
If you’re considering speaking with a therapist regarding dreams about your exes, you may find that keeping a diary or dream journal can be a helpful way to track and recall your dreams.
Additionally, by writing down what you recall about your dream, you can begin to sort through what your dream might mean. Talking with friends, family or a therapist may help you work through the feelings brought on by your dreams. Recollections don’t have to be extensive for this method to work. Your thoughts could be in the form of a statement or bullet points as well, so long as it’s something that you can come back to when you need to refresh your memory.
How can online therapy help those processing their feelings?
If you're having concerns or excessive thoughts about a past relationship, online therapy may be the ticket to dealing with those issues and letting them go for good, possibly leaving you to dream about other things.
This method of therapeutic delivery is convenient for many, empowering them to seek help even if they feel too overwhelmed by feelings or emotions to leave the home. With online therapy, you can meet with a therapist at a time that works for your schedule, completing your session anywhere that you have an internet connection.
Is online therapy effective?
Online therapy has been suggested to be very successful for many as they work through a variety of conditions and concerns. A recent analysis conducted by the National Council on Aging notes that this form of therapy can be especially effective for those who are living with certain mental health conditions (such as anxiety disorder or depression)—both of which can be exacerbated by frequent thoughts about your past loves. It can also be an effective means to discuss your feelings and find empowerment to move forward, whatever that looks like in your specific context.
Takeaway
Why can't I stop dreaming of my ex?
There are a number of reasons that your ex (especially a recent ex) may keep showing up in your dreams. There are numerous dream theories, and therefore this phenomena can be interpreted in different ways. Some possible explanations include:
- You may be harboring unresolved feelings (even in your subconscious mind) toward your ex
- If the breakup happened recently, this could just be your brain processing memories with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend that are still fresh
- You may have experienced some sort of trauma in your relationship that has yet to heal
How do you stop dreaming about someone?
There are some steps you can take to help process, and stop dreaming about someone.
- Keep a dream journal
- Take some time to think about the feelings around your dreams. Do they make you feel sad? Angry? Do you feel as though you miss them?
- Take some time to think about why you are feeling these feelings? Is there something you wish you had done differently at the time? Something that you feel like you’re missing in your life now (this does not necessarily mean that you’re missing the ex). Is there something that has been left unresolved?
- Talk to someone. If the feelings you’re having about your dreams become intrusive or make you feel bad, you may want to talk to a licensed therapist to help you deal with them. It can be especially helpful if this therapist has had training as a dream analyst.
What happens if you keep dreaming about an ex?
Dreaming about an ex doesn’t have to affect your life in any way. It’s actually fairly common, and may not mean anything negative at all. For example, dreaming about your ex doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re unhappy in your current relationships, or that you want to cheat, or that you’re meant to be with them.
However, if your dreams are affecting your mental well-being you may want to talk with a therapist to work through any unresolved feelings.
Why do I keep dreaming about my ex every night?
There are a number of reasons why you may be dreaming of your ex every night. You could be simply processing memories from your most recent ex (if the breakup just happened). If you have an anxious attachment style, you may worry that you won’t find another relationship. You may have unresolved feelings from your past relationship, or feel like you didn’t end things the way you would have liked, and your subconscious mind is dealing with this.
What does it mean when you can’t stop thinking or dreaming about someone?
It could mean something, or it could mean nothing. You may miss your ex or even some aspects of your old relationship. You may have talked to them recently and they are on your mind. It can be important not to put too much emphasis on dreams or thoughts unless they start to negatively impact your life.
Why do I still think about my ex every day?
You may still be processing your breakup. Especially in longer-term or more intense relationships, there can be a long period of mourning. This may be true even if you know that you are better off now…you may be mourning experiences, or simply certain things you miss about your ex.
Does dreaming about your ex mean they are thinking about you?
This is an old piece of folk wisdom that has no scientific basis.
What happens if you keep thinking about your ex?
Nothing will necessarily happen if you keep thinking about your ex, but it can be uncomfortable and frustrating to deal with in some circumstances. Most people require some time to move past a relationship, to the point where they don’t think about their ex in anything but a passing way. If you find that your thoughts become intrusive or impact your day-to-day life, you may want to talk to a licensed therapist to help move past them.
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