How To Get Over A Crush
Have you been experiencing emotional challenges as a result of a crush who didn’t have the same feelings for you? If so, you’re not alone. Research shows that most people have been on one or both sides of unrequited love at some point in life.
Sometimes, we may develop feelings for someone but never get to the point of beginning a relationship together. Regardless of how many dates you went on or whether you dated the person at all, it can be difficult to move on from the feelings you have developed. Moving on often requires changing your thought patterns, which can be challenging. However, there are strategies you can use to work on moving on and emerging stronger, such as allowing yourself to feel your feelings before releasing them, trying to see the situation from a new perspective, and focusing on your self-worth. You may also benefit from getting professional help through online therapy. Below, we’ll look at these strategies in more detail.
Allow yourself to feel
In the process of learning how to get over a crush, it may be helpful to acknowledge the feelings you had for them and validate the emotions you now have related to things not working out. It may also help to admit that the situation didn't work out in the way you wanted. You might allow yourself to experience any emotions that arise and cry if you feel the urge to do so. Crying can be a natural response to stress, and it may allow you to release difficult feelings so that you can drop their weight and begin moving forward again.
When you stop allowing yourself to feel the weight of your emotions, it can wind up making you feel worse than you normally would. If you do not accept what has happened, then you may cling to this event in your life for too long. This can be a situation that feels like a weight on your shoulders. Sometimes, you may need to go through the emotional process so that you can come out the other side stronger.
Going through these emotions by yourself may not always be healthy. If you feel like you need support, reaching out to family or close friends may be beneficial.
Accept the situation and let it go
Once you've given yourself time to grieve the loss of a potential relationship, it may be help to employ some strategies to avoid dwelling on it. You may not be able to control what other people think or feel, but you can control your own thoughts and actions. You might choose to focus on other areas of your life that make you happy instead of focusing on this situation.
This may be easier said than done. It can be common to dwell on negative or sad emotions at times, and if you find this is the case for you, you may benefit from reaching out for help or engaging in distractions, such as hobbies. Throwing yourself into other activities that you love may help keep you from focusing on the person you had a crush on.
For example, if you are an avid sports fan, then watching or playing some sports might be a good idea. Research shows that exercise can cause the body to release endorphins, which can help to improve mood. Whatever you do, it can be beneficial to focus on the positive things in your life. This may help you heal, and it can separate you from the situation that may have been holding you back.
Try to see the situation from a new perspective
In one study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, researchers examined participants who were going through a breakup and showed them a picture of their ex while they engaged in different strategies to move on. When they were shown the picture of their ex while engaging in a “negative reappraisal” of their ex, they experienced decreased love feelings. This research suggests that a more complete appraisal that includes some of the less favorable things about a relationship may help during the aftermath of a breakup.
Also, it may help to remember that not being compatible with someone you have feelings for does not mean that there is something wrong with you. It may lead you to find someone else with whom you are compatible on multiple levels.
Focus on your self-worth
Experiencing a crush can sometimes lead someone to experience a dip in their self-esteem. If this is the case for you, know that you are not alone and that this doesn’t have to last in the long term. You might try focusing on your self-worth, recognizing all your strong points, and realizing that you are worthy of love while still being whole and complete on your own.
It can be beneficial not to close your mind to new possibilities just because you didn't get what you wanted out of this potential relationship. This may sound challenging, but it may help to remember that many people who were once in a similar situation found someone with whom they are more compatible.
Overcome feelings for your crush with online therapy
Therapy with a licensed mental health professional may be a helpful way to discuss your thoughts and feelings about your crush and learn how to overcome them. If you’re not interested in traditional in-office therapy, you may find that online therapy is a better fit for you. Research has shown online therapy to be just as effective as in-office therapy for a variety of concerns, and it tends to be more convenient.
With BetterHelp, you can talk to a licensed therapist from the comfort of your home via phone, live chat, or videoconferencing. You also gain in-app messaging through which you can contact your therapist at any time day or night, and they’ll respond as soon as they can. This feature may be especially helpful if you have thoughts or feelings to express in between sessions.
Takeaway
How do you know if you should get over a crush?
If you have a crush on an impossible person, such as an unrequited attraction, a married friend, a teacher, someone you have not met in real life, or someone who doesn’t treat you with respect, it can be far healthier to start moving past that crush.
Why is it so hard to get over a crush?
Our own body chemistry is against us when it comes to unrequited love. When we feel attraction to another person, our body produces hormones that make us feel good, and we tend to create an idealized picture of our crush. It can feel amazing for a little while, but if something goes wrong, like the object of our crush just wants to stay friends, it can become painful. It feels like a loss because you lose your “might have been”. It can also take a toll on your self-esteem because you wonder why they didn’t feel the same way.
How do you get over your crush not liking you?
Having an unrequited crush can be difficult, and it can also be helpful to acknowledge this. Understand that getting over strong feelings may take time and effort. Well-meaning friends may tell you things like “you’ll get over them, it just takes time” and while you may balk against this, it is actually true. By this time next year, you likely feel differently, to the point of even wondering what you ever saw in them in the first place. In the meantime, however, there are some things you can do to make life easier.
- Don’t neglect your friends and interests. It can be difficult to put yourself out there when you’re getting over someone, but a support system of friends and family can help the healing process.
- Practice self-care. This can include things like getting outside, exercising in ways you enjoy, and meditation.
- Talk to a good friend or family about how you feel. It can help to get the initial pain out, but then try to focus on the good things in your own life.
- Scrub your social media of your crush’s presence. Don’t continue to follow them on any social media accounts, and avoid looking up what they’re doing.
- Meet new people through group meet ups, free programs, hobbies, or events.
- Be patient. Your crush is not the only person in the world, though it may feel like it right now. You will get over them and find someone else to care for.
How do you overcome feelings for someone?
This is a question that doesn’t really have a simple answer, but the short answer is: one step at a time. Getting over someone can feel like a loss, and therefore be subject to a form of grieving process. You may go through the different states of grief, like denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages are not linear, some stages may be skipped, revisited, or experienced out of order.
How do you control your feelings for someone?
It can be difficult in the first few weeks or months of a crush to really get a handle on our feelings. Everything feels amazing, even when we don’t have a great sense of who the other person really is. As things move along, it can be key to focus on yourself and your other relationships to lend a sense of perspective.
Hang out with your friends, continue with your hobbies and other interests, and take time to practice self-care. It can be easier to control your feelings for someone if you don’t allow them to become your sole obsession.
Why do some crushes never go away?
Some crushes last far longer than others because we tend to build up an idealized version of that person, and make them into everything we ever wanted. Sometimes we cling to this ideal for longer than is healthy, especially if the other person isn’t interested.
Why are crushes so painful?
A lot of strong feelings are involved with crushes. Initial exhilaration, thrills, and obsession are exciting, but can also be stressful and sometimes exhausting. The initial stages of a crush can feel like there is a lot at stake with this one person.
If the crush is not reciprocated, then you may feel a sense of loss. It is the loss of an ideal, of a potential relationship, and in some cases a temporary loss of self-esteem. This can lead to negative thoughts and feelings. In both cases, both in the initial exhilaration and the loss, there can be pain.
Why am I so obsessed with my crush?
Obsessive feelings in the initial stages of a crush are not unusual, but they can be harmful if they last in the face of time, or if the object of your crush doesn’t feel the same way. If you feel stuck in your feelings, or they begin to produce negative thoughts, you may want to talk to a clinical psychologist, especially one who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). This form of psychotherapy specializes in changing negative patterns of thought and behavior into more positive channels.
What does it mean if a crush lasts a long time?
If a crush lasts for a long time, it can be indicative of obsessive feelings if the crush is unrequited. Typically, a crush that lasts a long time deepens into feelings of love if the crush is reciprocated. There are some relationships in which people retain strong feelings of attraction for a long time.
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