I’m Desperate To Know Why Is My Boyfriend Ignoring Me
By: Stephanie Kirby
Updated December 25, 2020
Medically Reviewed By: Rashonda Douthit , LCSW
Being ignored by someone you love can be a heart-wrenching experience. It can leave you wondering things like: "What has changed?" "Did I do something wrong?" "Why is my partner ignoring me?" Identifying what's behind the behavior and learning how to open the doors of communication can often help you get to the bottom of things. Relationships rarely work if communication is only going one way. So, let’s take a look at the possible reasons why your partner is ignoring you. Understanding these reasons will help you can learn the steps you can take to improve your relationship or know that it's time to move on.
Possible Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Is Ignoring You
The best way to find out why your boyfriend is ignoring you is to ask. But, your partner may not be willing to be honest with you, or you could be too scared to inquire. If either of these are true, consider these possible reasons that could be behind the behavior.
He May Need More Personal Space
Consciously or not, your partner could simply be seeking more time for himself. Everyone needs personal space, but not everyone requires the same amount. Keep in mind that the amount required may change from time to time throughout the relationship.
If this is the case, your boyfriend may not even realize that he has been ignoring you. Schedule a time to sit down and have a discussion about the amount of attention and separate time each of you needs. Share with your boyfriend how you've been feeling and be careful to hear his thoughts too. Hopefully, the two of you can agree on whether both of your needs for time together and apart are being met and develop a plan to move ahead.
While you're giving him space, consider making the most of your time alone. Spend more time with friends or family. It could also be a good time for you to focus on your hobbies and interests. Having some time apart will help each of you appreciate your time together even more.
The Relationship Is Progressing Too Quickly
On its face, this may sound counterintuitive or illogical, but your boyfriend could be ignoring you because he actually feels like the relationship is really good! However, sometimes when a relationship gets serious, one partner may start to worry about how attached they have become to the other person. It's possible your partner may have never been in a relationship that has made it to this level of commitment, or he may have had past negative experiences with relationship commitment. If that's the case, being happy and in a good relationship with you may feel somewhat threatening.
He may have a fear of intimacy or of being vulnerable, which is common. Fear of being vulnerable is actually a fear of being rejected or abandoned. If he is afraid, be sensitive to his fears. Let him know how much you care and reassure him you will give him the time he needs.
He Doesn't Know How To Talk To You About A Problem With The Relationship
Your boyfriend may be experiencing a challenge inside the relationship and not know how to tell you. He may not want to hurt your feelings, or he may not feel comfortable with confrontation and avoid bringing the issue up in conversation. This could also mean that you may need to step back and consider if you are doing something to contribute to the distance between the two of you.
This doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is ending. You both may just need to work on being honest and communicating with each other about your thoughts and how you feel. Let him know that it is okay for him to talk to you about issues he may have with your partnership. Communication is key to a healthy relationship. Here are some tips that may help the two of you with communicating:
- Give your full attention
- Use "I" or "we" statements instead of "you"
- Don't interrupt
He Has A Challenge Outside Of The Relationship
When someone is ignoring you, it doesn't always mean they have a problem with you specifically. Your boyfriend may be experiencing challenges that have nothing to do with your relationship. For instance, he may be having trouble at work, with his family, or with friends.
For many reasons, he may not feel comfortable sharing what's going on. He may be embarrassed, uncomfortable, or just need time to think things through before sharing with someone else. Some people have difficulty discussing their emotions, and that’s okay. It may just be hard for him to talk to you right now. Let him know you are there for him and offer your support whenever he's ready to talk about it.
He Wants To End The Relationship
Yes, your boyfriend may have gone silent because he's trying to distance himself from you. When one partner is ready to end the relationship, it's their responsibility to be honest and to say so directly. Unfortunately, that doesn't always happen.
Some people choose to avoid confrontation and find it easier to just pull back completely. If you have given your boyfriend time and space and he still is not willing to honestly and openly discuss the reasons for his behavior, it may be time to re-evaluate whether the relationship is one that should continue.
If the relationship ends, know that you will be fine. The end of a relationship can be challenging, for sure. But remember that you are strong! Remain confident that you have a lot to offer the right person. And, keep in mind: although it may be tempting, going straight back into the world of dating and relationships after a breakup may not be the best idea. Taking time to reflect on the relationship (good and bad) is a great way to learn more about yourself and what will be important to you in future relationships.
This is a great time to revisit the things you enjoyed before your relationship began. Go to the gym, spend time cultivating hobbies, and surround yourself with close friends. Start an educational course or class, write a book, or start a blog. Immersing yourself in something other than dwelling on your relationship will help you see a future without your ex-partner's involvement.
How Counseling Can Help
A couple's counselor may be able to help you to strengthen your communication skills together. A couple's counselor is skilled and trained in listening to and understanding both of you and helping you to listen to and understand each other. Sometimes an unbiased, objective professional can help you better understand yourself and your relationships with others.
Here are some additional potential benefits of couples counseling:
- Deeper connection
- Improved emotional and physical intimacy
- Recognition of the impact of your relationship history on your current relationship
- An unbiased perspective from a professional
- New techniques and tools you can use in your relationship
Some people are leery about going to counseling because of things like affordability, time constraints, and not wanting others to find out. Research shows that online therapy is a powerful tool in strengthening relationships and can result in similar success and satisfaction rates to traditional in-person therapy. For example, the study Marriage: A Randomized Controlled Trial of the Web-Based OurRelationship Program: Effects on Relationship and Individual Functioning found that an overwhelming majority—94%—of participants were satisfied with online relationship services, and more than half made significant progress in strengthening their relationships.
Online therapists can talk to you in the comfort of your home and can help facilitate difficult conversations between you and your partner. Licensed therapists at BetterHelp are available according to your schedule and can help you with any emotional or mental health concerns you have. Starting is easy, and you won't have to wait for weeks to have your first session. And, if you don't click with a particular therapist, it's easy to switch to another counselor. If you are stuck and can't figure out what to do next to get your boyfriend to open up to you, this can be the way to go. You can read BetterHelp counselor reviews below.
“Kim has been very helpful to me in navigating through some stressful personal and relationship challenges. She's very well qualified but also compassionate and caring. I would gladly recommend her to anyone.”
“Lee has a great view on relationships and is truly great at noticing when you're not being truthful with yourself. If you are having relationship issues or issues involved with relationships she's your gal.”
Don't jump to the conclusion that your relationship is over because your boyfriend is ignoring you. Use the information above to get to the bottom of the issue so you can start to move forward in a healthy way. No matter what, focusing on being your best self will carry you through. Take the first step today
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