Why is my boyfriend ignoring me?

Being ignored by someone you love can be a heart-wrenching experience. It can leave you wondering, "What has changed?" "Did I do something wrong?" or "Why does he ignore me?" Identifying the factors that could contribute to this behavior and learning how to open the doors of communication may be beneficial in coping with being ignored. 

Relationships might not function healthily if communication is one-sided, so being concerned about a pattern of being ignored might be founded. However, in some cases, ignoring someone could be due to valid reasons like a challenge in someone's life. In these cases, being open-minded and putting yourself in your partner's shoes could be valuable. If you feel that your partner is acting unhealthily, there are steps you can take to receive support..

Being ignored by someone you love can be a heart-wrenching experience. It can leave you wondering, "What has changed?" "Did I do something wrong?" or "Why does he ignore me?" Identifying the factors that could contribute to this behavior and learning how to open the doors of communication may be beneficial in coping with being ignored. 

Relationships might not function healthily if communication is one-sided, so being concerned about a pattern of being ignored might be founded. However, in some cases, ignoring someone could be due to valid reasons like a challenge in someone's life. In these cases, being open-minded and putting yourself in your partner's shoes could be valuable. If you feel that your partner is acting unhealthily, there are steps you can take to receive support.

They don't know how to tell you about a challenge in the relationship 

Your partner may be experiencing a challenge inside the relationship they don't know how to talk to you about. If they're trying to avoid conflict or hurting your feelings, they might avoid talking to you altogether to avoid showing their feelings or bringing them up. In some cases, silence might be temporary as they try to decide how they want to proceed. Some people take time to process their feelings, so they may not know immediately whether they want to continue the relationship or how they might approach conflict. 

However, a challenge in a relationship doesn't necessarily signify the end of the relationship. Let your partner know you're comfortable with them coming to you to express any challenges they are experiencing with you. If they bring up a problem in how you've acted, consider how they feel and try to have an open conversation while validating their emotions. 

They have an avoidant attachment style

Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth in the 1950s and 60s, states that each person develops an attachment style from infancy or childhood that they carry into adult relationships. One of the four attachment styles proposed by their theory is the avoidant attachment style, marked by avoidance of emotional closeness and a fear of intimacy. 

People with an avoidant attachment style may go out of their way to avoid emotional connection, vulnerability, and openness to emotions. They might ignore others when they feel uncomfortable, break up with people who experience intense feelings toward them, or feel dissociated when emotional topics arise. They may also use humor, distraction, or risky behaviors to avoid their own emotions and the emotions of others. 

As one of three insecure attachment styles, people with avoidant attachment styles often pair up with people with an anxious attachment style, which is also an insecure attachment style. People with anxious attachment styles might crave close connection to the point they feel they cannot be alone or function without it. They might send multiple messages, disregard boundaries, feel intense emotional responses to rejection, or chase after people who don't offer them closeness. 

When a person with an anxious attachment style dates a person with an avoidant attachment style, a push-pull dynamic may ensue. If an avoidant person ignores you, it may be due to their childhood experiences or attachment patterns. However, frequently ignoring someone as a form of avoiding connection can be harmful, as can pushing someone to talk when they aren't comfortable. If you or your partner is living with an insecure attachment style, studies show that people can change their attachment styles to secure attachments through self-education, therapy, and professional support.  

They're experiencing a difficult moment in life 

In some cases, a person might ignore others when they're experiencing difficult moments in their personal life. Your partner could be experiencing challenges that have nothing to do with your relationship. For instance, they might be experiencing conflict with coworkers, family, or friends. In addition, they may have received painful news and aren't sure how to talk to you about it. 

Your partner might feel uncomfortable expressing what has happened due to embarrassment, discomfort, or needing extra time to think. Try not to make assumptions about what your partner thinks or feels without clear communication from them. A missed text might not mean they don't love or care about you. Consider how you'd feel if you had gone through a challenging day at work and a partner accused you of not loving them. 

Try to let your partner know you're there to support them during tough times, but remember that boundaries don't mean that you're not enough or your partner doesn't want to be with you. 

Counseling options 

An unbiased, objective professional may help you better understand yourself and your relationships with others. You're not alone if you think you're living with an insecure attachment style, mental health condition, or relational challenge. Many types of therapy are available, and many people find treatment an effective way to cope with interpersonal challenges.  

If your partner agrees to it, you could also try couples therapy. Individual and couples therapy can help you develop solutions surrounding the reasons for your partner's distance or your desire for immediate validation. Online therapy through platforms like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples could also make it easier for you and your partner to receive support. You can attend sessions from separate locations and choose between phone, video, or chat session formats. 

Research shows that online therapy is an effective tool for strengthening relationships and can result in similar success rates as traditional in-person therapy. For example, one study on a web-based relationship platform found that 94% of participants were satisfied with online relationship services, and more than half made significant progress in strengthening their relationships.

Research shows that online therapy is an effective tool for strengthening relationships and can result in similar success rates as traditional in-person therapy. For example, one study on a web-based relationship platform found that 94% of participants were satisfied with online relationship services, and more than half made significant progress in strengthening their relationships.

Counselor Reviews

“Kim has been very helpful to me in navigating through some stressful personal and relationship challenges. She's very well qualified but also compassionate and caring. I would gladly recommend her to anyone.”

“Lee has a great view on relationships and is truly great at noticing when you're not being truthful with yourself. If you are having relationship issues or issues involved with relationships she's your gal.”