Is Manifesting Love Possible? Exploring The Law of Attraction

You may have heard of the manifestation of love in pop culture—the idea that people can attract certain outcomes or energies to their future selves via certain practices or mindsets. While there may be some science behind the concept of manifestation, this idea may have harmful impacts when used to connect in unhealthy relationships or "convince" a person who isn't interested in being with you. Learning more about the science behind manifestation and how to find healthy love may be helpful if you are interested in the ideas behind this practice.

What is manifestation and the law of attraction?

According to the Berkeley Well-Being Institute, manifestation is the act of turning a dream or idea into reality via thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. Made popular by influencers and astrologists like Lisa Stardust, people may partake in rituals or specifically structured visualization meditations to attract good feelings or specific outcomes when manifesting. 

Manifesting is based on the belief system that believing “enough” in an outcome or mentally imagining certain scenarios can make them more likely to occur in your life. Some people hope to use manifesting for career plans, money, and success. For example, someone might try to manifest a million dollars. Others may try to use it for love.  

Exploring the law of attraction and the science behind manifestation

The law of attraction is a theory that what you think about, work toward, and believe in will come true. It can also mean that “like attracts like.” For example, a high-vibration person may tend to attract another high-vibration individual. Because scientists know the universe is made of energy, the law of attraction posits that humans can manipulate this energy by changing their mindset to fit the kind of energy they want to have in their lives. According to this law, positive energy attracts positive energy, and negative energy attracts negative energy.

Spiritual manifestation may not have proof behind it, but visualization, meditation, speaking positive words of intention, mindfulness, and intense focus could increase one’s chances of success in some areas of life. When a topic takes up a lot of your energy, you may be more likely to take steps to achieve its goals. However, in relationships, manifestation can become more challenging. 

Why do people try to manifest love? 

Manifesting love can be an attractive idea for anyone, especially those who may be experiencing self-doubt. To expect love to find you by expending thought toward it means that you don’t have to worry about rejection, or making changes in your life and routines. It can be simpler to believe that the universe has a perfect match ready to come and find you. 

Thinking positively about finding love may lead to reinforcing behaviors that can attract others, but supplementing this positivity with other practical strategies may be more effective at finding and building healthy and happy relationships. 

Is it possible to manifest love with a dream partner?

How manifesting works for you may depend on your spiritual beliefs and whether you connect with the law of attraction. Since these are both theories, they aren’t 100% certain, but some people may find success with them. In particular, using the mind to create an attitude of gratitude can be beneficial to mood and mental health. Focusing your faith and energy on making your dreams come true may have more mixed results. 

Why focus on a particular individual can backfire

Manifesting love or a dream partner, in general, may be possible through seeking a partner and having confidence in your pursuit. It's about finding the right path and taking aligned action that resonates with your deepest emotions and desires. However, manifesting love with a specific person may not be healthy or possible, as free will, choice, and consent are essential in forming a healthy relationship with another person. It's crucial to decide on what you want, use patience, and look for a sign while not letting past hurts deter you. Feeling worthy of love and exercising patience can be key.

Consent, free-will, and choice in dating

Thinking about a specific person often, performing rituals to connect with their energy, or believing you are destined to be with someone can be unhealthy if it leads to behaviors like obsession (even to the point of dangerous behavior like stalking) or difficulty moving on after you’ve faced rejection. Instead, use your inner power to maintain healthy dating dynamics and find a true match. With self-awareness, mindfulness, and the right course of action, you could fall in love with the person who suits you best. 

Healthy ways to manifest love may include the following: 

• Journaling about the physical and emotional qualities you want in a partner, listing your ideal partner’s traits, such as blue eyes, strong arms, or empathy (creating a manifestation list)
• Writing a love letter to your future partner 
• Lighting a candle and meditating about the future partner you want 
• Writing a contract with the universe to bring you healthy, true love with a new partner 
• Singing songs that remind you of your ideal partner 
• Asking the universe, your “spirit team,” or a deity for support in finding love
• Going to therapy to better yourself for a healthier relationship in the future 
• Using a love deck of oracle cards to learn more about your connection to spirituality and love 

The unhealthy culture surrounding “twin flames”

Lately, thanks at least in part to social media trends, “twin flame” culture has become more popular. Behind the belief of a twin flame is the idea that each person has another half of their soul living on earth—an ideal partner they “must” meet to learn more about themselves and grow. This person is said to be the “perfect mate” and a mirror of yourself. However, the limiting beliefs behind a “twin flame” can be harmful when they disregard the imperfections of humanity, free will, and nuance. Believing that true meaning in life is connected to one other person can also limit self-growth. 

People are not perfect, and finding your dream person may be challenging. In addition, the intense love, co-dependence, and black-and-white labeling of twin-flame connections can mimic patterns often seen at the beginning of emotionally abusive relationships. The right person for you may not be someone you meet overnight, who makes your life chaotic, but someone who brings love and helps you commit to healthy self-reflection and new beliefs about love. 

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

The idea of a vibrational match

Individuals who manifest relationships may also be seeking what is known as a “vibrational match”. This refers to the experience of meeting a person and feeling an instant rapport. You may barely know them, but your relationship feels effortless. You connect on values and ideas, and you may even finish each other’s sentences. 

A more standard word for this phenomenon is compatibility. Compatibility can lead to a beautiful relationship if the initial connection is allowed to grow in its own time and is supplemented with shared values, healthy communication, and emotional availability. 

Manifestation vs real-life relationship building

Manifestation can be a helpful way to reinforce positive ideas and help a person attract love, as long as expectations are moderated and consent is prioritized. However, positive thinking can be more effective when coupled with a true understanding of relationship building and real-life strategies to support it. This can include things like inner work, addressing self-doubt, and forming social connections with others, whether at the gym, a social club, or a coffee shop. When you widen your social network, you may be more likely to find a life partner. 

Inner work that supports finding love

Finding healthy love and an ideal love interest doesn’t often happen overnight, but it may be possible to support the process with honest effort, goal setting, and caution. Below are a few steps for finding healthy relationships. 

Work toward a secure attachment

Insecure attachment styles may lead individuals to be more likely to get into unhealthy relationships or accept the first partner that comes their way. People with an anxious attachment style may struggle to live without a partner, becoming anxious and fearful of abandonment. People with an avoidant attachment style may avoid actual vulnerability and fear closeness. Those with a disorganized attachment style will go back and forth between avoidant and anxious tendencies. 

All three attachment styles are insecure but can be changed to form a secure attachment with therapy, education, and time. 

Take relationships slowly

Moving quickly in relationships can be unhealthy if you don’t get to know someone profoundly before becoming deeply attached. People often put their best selves forward in the first few months of a relationship, and more unhealthy patterns can appear over time. If you have moved in with someone quickly, decided to get married, or jumped into a relationship with someone you don’t know well, it could lead to conflict and challenges down the line when you find out all the things that come along with close contact over time. 

Listen to your intuition

At the beginning of a relationship with someone or when looking for a partner, listen to your intuition when it shows up, and don’t write off any unsure feelings. The intense chemical reactions that occur in the brain when love, desire, and infatuation set in can seem addictive, which may lead some people to ignore red flags when they appear. 

By taking a relationship slowly and listening when your mental alarms go off, you may avoid getting into unhealthy relationships or repeating unhealthy attachment patterns. 

Learn to live alone

If you notice you’re terrified of being alone or believe life is only enjoyable when you’re in a relationship, you might be living with attachment anxiety. Learning to spend time alone while loving your energy and building self-worth can be crucial to understanding what you want and like in relationships. When you have a strong sense that you matter, you can better understand how to live with someone else and get the love you deserve. Live your life how you want to and get to know yourself. You might find someone in the process of being authentically you more than you might if you try to force a relationship. 

Practical steps to attract love without forcing outcomes

Working on yourself can be an excellent first step to attract love. When you feel confident and complete in yourself, often love can follow. However, there are also some other practical steps you can take to help the process. 

Meeting opportunities and social expansion

Social expansion can be one of the more important strategies for finding love. Learning to build healthy friendships with others can be an excellent tool in preparing for romantic love. In addition, making more connections leads to more opportunities for meeting someone who aligns with your values and interests. Finally, the more people you know, the more you are likely to meet. Think of how many romantic relationships began when someone met their partner through a mutual friend. 

Romantic things that build connection and momentum

When you’ve met someone interesting who reciprocates the feeling, there are some romantic things you can do to help build momentum and connect more deeply. Here are just a few:

• Share experiences. Find activities that you both enjoy, and enjoy them together. Take a class, join a sport, or go hiking together
• Create rituals. This may be as simple as a good morning text
• Surprise each other. Small romantic gestures like surprise flowers, coffee, or sweet notes can add up to strong feelings
• Learn about each other. Put down the phone, listen, and ask questions
• Reminisce together. Talk about your childhood, share pictures, and bond over stories of the past

What to do when you feel stuck or want to forget your feelings

Sometimes you may find self-doubt creeping in, and feel that love may not work for you. Old negative thought patterns can be difficult to break. When you are trying to forget old feelings or if you feel stuck in your ideas about love and relationships, it can help to share with someone. Find a trusted friend to talk to, or talk to a licensed therapist. 

How long does it take to manifest love? 

Every person and every relationship can be different. Whether you have just started thinking about a relationship or started a few years ago, combining the positive aspects of manifestation with practical relationship-building skills can be effective at getting the ball rolling. As you search, remember that timing is personal, and continue to enjoy your own life and friendships. You may find love tomorrow, or you may find it years down the road, but positive life experiences can not only prepare you for future relationships but also bring great joy and fulfillment. 

When to seek support

Seeking assistance to find love can be helpful when you work with a licensed relationship professional. A life or manifestation coach is not a protected term, and anyone can use this title even if they lack credentials, but a relationship therapist or counselor must be licensed and certified to fulfill specific academic and professional standards. You can work with a relationship therapist, even if you aren’t in a relationship. These professionals can help you develop certain skills like healthy communication and conflict resolution, while addressing any attachment issues or self-doubt that may be getting in your way.

Talk to a therapist

Relationships and love can be challenging. You’re not alone if you’re unsure how to build secure attachments and find healthy love. Too often, people look at therapy as a final step when all else has failed. However, talking to a therapist about these challenges may be a productive way to grow and begin to be ready for the type of love you manifest. 

Some people may face barriers to therapy in their area, such as a lack of insurance or difficulty getting to sessions. In these cases, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples may be beneficial. Online therapy platforms can provide cost-effective therapy from home or anywhere with an internet connection. In addition, through an online platform, you can build relationship skills with courtesy group sessions, worksheets, and journaling prompts alongside one phone, video, or live chat session with a therapist per week. 

While BetterHelp does offer a flexible subscription plan for non-insurance members, many providers on the platform also accept major insurance plans for individual online therapy (in select states). When covered, eligible members pay co-pays of about $19/week on average, with coverage varying based on your plan, provider, and therapist availability. You can check in-network status on the BetterHelp site. 

Studies show that online therapy can be effective in treating attachment wounds. One study found that it was as effective as face-to-face therapy in reducing attachment anxiety and avoidance in clients.