My Girlfriend Cheated On Me: Now What?

The topic of cheating is typically a sensitive and difficult one to approach due to the feelings of hurt and betrayal that tend to come with it. Many people consider their girlfriend’s infidelity to be one of the greatest betrayals a person can experience. When it comes to addressing a cheating wife or girlfriend, there may be no “one-size-fits-all” approach. Discovering that your partner has cheated can trigger a great deal of intense emotion in both individuals. It may be helpful to avoid blaming yourself, consider what you want moving forward, get tested for STDs, and allow yourself time to heal. Working with an online individual or couple's therapist can also be beneficial.

Note: Although this article focuses on when a girlfriend is cheating, the information here can apply to anyone of any gender.

What to do after your girlfriend cheats

Finding out that a girlfriend or partner has cheated on you can be a devastating experience. Regardless of mental fortitude, the mental and emotional repercussions of cheating can stick with a person for years to come. 

Your girlfriend may have come clean to you about cheating. You may have found evidence or proof of cheating, or you may be harboring a suspicion that she is cheating. Each instance will typically require the need for a unique response. For example, if you believe you have discovered evidence of your girlfriend or partner cheating, you will likely want to verbally address the matter with them. 

Due to the intensity of the feelings that tend to come with discovering evidence of cheating, consulting a therapist or relationship counselor before addressing your partner can be recommended. While this may seem challenging if you do not have a therapist already, many online therapy services can offer appointments with licensed professionals with more urgency and flexibility than typical in-person therapy services. 

If consulting a professional is not an option, it can be helpful to request space from your partner while figuring out how to approach the topic in a calm and safe manner. Family members, friends, and loved ones may also offer support and guidance, but it can be helpful to stay cognizant of personal bias, as well as your own feelings. 

The choice to end your romantic relationship or try to overcome the issue can be entirely up to you and your partner. While this will typically be a difficult decision to make, it can be important to remember that your personal choice is valid. 

Five tips to cope with cheating

Every person who experiences being cheated on tends to cope with it differently. While some people may choose to continue their relationship, others may decide to separate entirely. 

Each decision will likely present challenges of its own. When it comes to coping with cheating, there is typically no way to avoid emotional distress, but there are several things that may help in your decision-making and healing process, and many people find that they can experience personal growth in the process. 

1. Don’t blame yourself

Being cheated on tends to stir up a mass of insecurity and self-doubt. You may wonder if your appearance, financial status, or personality drove your partner to cheat. While these thoughts can be common, it may be important to remind yourself that this is not your fault. 

There can be many reasons why a person cheats. While the majority of these are not typically considered justifiable, it can be helpful to remind yourself that a partner’s choice to cheat does not generally reflect your value. 

2. Think about what you want moving forward

Taking time to decompress and gather your thoughts after discovering infidelity can help you make the most rational and informed decision possible in regard to the relationship. Whether you choose to stay or leave, having sufficient time to evaluate your needs can help you feel more confident in your choice.

3. Get tested

In cases where your partner had sexual relationships with other people, their infidelity may have put your sexual health at risk. It is typically recommended that you get tested for sexually transmitted infections if you find you have been cheated on. Consult a physician or find a sexual health center near you that offers tests for STIs like HIV, HPV, and syphilis.

4. Don’t put a time limit on your pain

Grieving a relationship or the loss of trust in a partner who has cheated often takes time. There may be no timeline for grief. Allowing yourself time and space to rebuild self-confidence and your ability to trust can be beneficial in the long run. 

5. Seek guidance in couples therapy

Figuring out the next steps for your relationship after a partner has cheated can be complex and challenging. In some cases, a couples counselor may be able to help you discover whether your relationship is worth saving. According to research, online couples therapy usually has positive effects on 70% of couples who participate in treatment.

The reality of facing infidelity is that no straightforward or painless solution typically exists, and it often takes a toll on mental health. While there may be no guaranteed method to cope with cheating, treating yourself with kindness and compassion while processing your emotions may help you recover from the betrayal.