Follow These 3 Tips To Learn How Not To Hate Yourself

By Stephanie Kirby

Updated December 10, 2018

Reviewer Chante’ Gamby, LCSW

Want to learn how not to hate yourself? You are not alone. For one reason or another, many people hate themselves at some point in their lives. Some learn self-hatred from how they were treated as kids and others develop this hate because of specific life events.

It's unfortunate, but sometimes we can be way too hard on ourselves - our own worst critic.

Here are 3 tips to learn how not to hate yourself:

  1. Talk to a Therapist

A therapist can help you pinpoint the origin of your self-hate and help you identify ways to manage those negative feelings towards yourself. Once you are aware of the cause and thought patterns associated with your negative self-image, you can come to terms with your past and start working towards a better future.


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A licensed therapist, whether in-person or via an online counseling service like BetterHelp, can teach you ways to cope that will help you start to see yourself in a new, better light.

  1. Start a Self-Care Routine

Another way to learn how to love yourself is by building up a strong self-care routine. Too often, we focus so much on our work and other responsibilities (like school, raising kids, or taking care of other people) that we forget to recharge and take care of ourselves.


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Always putting others first puts our own mental and physical health on the back-burner, leading to burn-out and other negative consequences.

Come up with a list of ways that you can take care of yourself regularly. They don't have to be anything extreme, in fact, they should be easy to implement. For example:

  • taking the time to enjoy a shower
  • getting your hair done
  • prepping healthy meals for the week

Self-care can also encompass activities that keep you happy and healthy, like:

  • weekly exercise
  • making time for a relaxing cup of coffee and reading in the morning
  • taking the time to see friends and family

Learning to prioritize self-care helps you get used to the idea that you are worth setting this time aside for yourself. These routines, if kept up, will help you start to feel better mentally, physically, and hopefully feel less hatred towards yourself.

  1. Be Kind to Yourself

The journey towards ending your self-hate will not be an easy one, especially if you have hated yourself for a long time. Chances are you will experience some setbacks along the way and that is totally normal.

The key to getting over these setbacks and not giving up is to be kind to yourself. Try to notice when you have negative thoughts about yourself that spiral out of control and counter them with positive mantras instead.

For example, if you find yourself saying things like, "You suck", "Nobody likes you", "You can't do anything right", etc… stop for a moment and think. You may feel that way right now but chances are those statements are not accurate. I'm pretty sure you can think of someone who likes you and something you are good at if you try hard enough.


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When you find yourself thinking in absolute terms about yourself like this, take a second to think it over because these things are almost always not true. Start to think of how you can change your thoughts to be nicer to yourself and say "This is hard, but I'll get better with practice" or "I deserve to be happy".


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