I Try My Best: Why Am I Such A Loser?
Updated September 03, 2019
Reviewer Rashonda Douthit , LCSW
The term 'loser' has become so popular that it is easy to get trapped into asking yourself, 'Why am I such a loser?' Other people might call you that, or you may be pinning the label on yourself. Either way, there's nothing helpful about thinking that way. It won't make you stronger, smarter, richer, or more popular. So, why think about it? The easy answer is that sometimes it is hard not to.
Here are some thoughts about seeing yourself differently:
Stay Away From Broad Generalizations
A broad generalization like 'loser' can't begin to describe you accurately and in your entirety. Remember that.
Something may have gone wrong recently, but it probably wasn't your whole life. Think of yourself the way that we think of athletes: an athlete can win a race or a game, but we still see them as successful. We still respect the effort that they put into their careers, how successful they have been in the past, and that they are likely to succeed in the future. Something may have gone wrong recently for you but if you look at how much work you put into your life and your career it should be easy to build some respect for yourself and to expect more good things in the future.
When you look at specific positives about yourself instead of generalizing, you can abandon what doesn't work for you and build on what does.
"Diversify Your Portfolio"
One way to avoid generalizations is to have a rich and complex life. If your job is your entire life and you something goes wrong at work, it can be easy to feel like a loser. If you are dedicated to your work but also have a rich family relationship, friends, and a hobby that is important to you, you have much more to fall back on when something goes wrong in one of these areas.
Look For Your Winning Qualities
As mentioned above, you may feel like a loser right now because one person called you that or because one thing went wrong. This can't possibly provide a reliable picture of everything that you do or everything that you are. After all, your job or your social group or your bank account aren't who you are as a person.
When an aspect of your life has you feeling down, pay attention to the aspects of your personality that are most beneficial to yourself and others. You might feel like you are a loser, but undoubtedly, there are some ways you show up in the world as a worthwhile person. Are you good at math, friendly to strangers, strong and healthy, or kind to your pets? Do you have other qualities that are valuable to yourself and others? It's extremely unlikely that you don't. Remind yourself of the positive attributes you possess and continue to practice them every day, even though that can seem hard when something has you feeling down.
List Your Achievements
In many ways, most societies view success as a default -- it's what's expected of us. That means that while you may not have celebrated recent successes, a recent problem may have you feeling like a failure. One way to help you feel better is to focus on successes that you may have simply taken for granted.
When were you most proud of yourself? When did others recognize your accomplishments? Focus on those times as you create a list of your life achievements. Then, no matter how short or long your list might be, congratulate yourself for doing well in those moments.
Connect With True Friends
True friends give the validation that will help you recognize and appreciate your good qualities. The people you spend the most time with aren't necessarily your truest friends, though. Now is a good time to build stronger friendships with those who are best at providing you with emotional support. If they express a beneficial mix of kindness and honesty, they can change your life for the better.
It can also help to talk to your friends about hard times in their lives. Sometimes we feel like losers because we compare ourselves to other people. No two people are the same, however, and any successful person will tell you that there are times that they deal with failure. You don't have to go around asking people to share stories of their failures, just be open about yours and chances are your friends will open up to you. This kind of conversation can be helpful to everyone and can help to strengthen the bonds between close friends.
It is better never to experience chest pain than to have to deal with it when it happens. This requires forethought in tackling the reasons you are experiencing anxiety and creating a plan when anxiety strikes.
Avoid Comparing Yourself With Others
Sometimes spending time with friends or even family members can help to make you feel like a loser, especially if you are insecure in your accomplishments. It is important, however, to avoid comparing yourself to others.
Everyone is different, and everyone comes from different places. Sometimes it is all too easy to look at another person's success and ignore our own. This is especially true, once again, if you only look at one metric at a time. Maybe someone that you know has a more prestigious job or a bigger paycheck than you, but maybe they don't have a family or they don't volunteer as much.
Check Your Mood
When people are experiencing a bout of depression, the world can look like a dark and lonely place. Even worse, they tend to blame themselves for the things that happen to them, regardless if they had any control over the way the situation played out. They exaggerate their faults and diminish their good qualities.
These thoughts and feelings can happen if something has recently gone wrong, but as long as you can recognize them and shake them off, they may not be too big a problem. If they last for a long time and don't seem to have any cause, it may be a more serious problem.
If you find yourself constantly asking why you're a loser, consider the idea that you might be suffering from depression. Look for signs like changes in appetite and sleep, feelings of sadness or regret, and thoughts of suicide. If you are having any of these symptoms, contact a licensed mental health professional immediately.
Help With Answering 'Why Am I Such A Loser?'
Sometimes, the question of why you're such a loser haunts you despite your best efforts to overcome it. At times like these, a therapist can help you deal with your feelings of inadequacy and recognize your positive qualities. They can provide a well-tuned listening ear as well as helpful techniques for getting in touch with the beauty of who you are as a person.