Who Will Love Me For Me If I Show My True Self

By Stephanie Kirby

Updated February 20, 2020

Reviewer Wendy Boring-Bray, DBH, LPC

Finding the right person to have a long-term romantic relationship with is tough. It's something many of us are searching for. And with so many different types of people out there, you may start to wonder if you're just a bit too weird or different for someone to truly love you, the real you. If you're one of those many people asking, "Who will love me for me if I show my true self?", then know that the only way to find out is let that inner self show.


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Who will love me for me?

When you desire love strongly, you may try to do nearly anything to find that ideal love, and sometimes that means hiding your true self for a while to secure the affection of a person you are interested in. But when you hide yourself, you're not really finding someone who loves you for who you are, and that kind of relationship is doomed to fail or at least not live up to the expectations you had for your long-term relationship.

It can be hard to keep your self-worth, especially if you feel like you have been rejected many times before; you may feel like this is one of the hardest things in the world. But it is much easier to just be yourself and let others decide whether they love the real you. Having another person like you may provide a good feeling for a while, but it won't last if you don't like yourself.

You have to be seen to be loved

The only solution is to be as open as possible about who you are when you interact with potential partners. This can be daunting and scary, but it is the only method that can ultimately lead to fuller happiness in your romantic life.


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There is truth to the saying that you have to learn to love yourself before someone else can love you. After all, if you like yourself, then there's bound to be someone else out there with similar taste! So, while you're waiting for that person to truly see you and who you are, take time to find yourself and learn to love yourself. When you recognize a trait you don't like, work to make yourself the person you want to be. And when you see that you are worthy of love, others will see it, too.

How can I learn to love myself?

Loving yourself is the first step to loving others and this begins from the inside. What value do you bring to those around you? What are the things that are good about you? Try to list 10 positive characteristics. Could you think of 10? Now, read back over the list and notice how it makes you feel about yourself. If you were reading this same list about another person, does it sound like someone with whom you would want to be friends or have as a significant other? Probably. So why wouldn't others equally want to be around you?

Now, go look at yourself in the mirror and say those things. Tell yourself that you are a good person. You are kind. You are smart. You are generous. If you don't quite believe it when you say it, continue to practice each day until your heart begins to catch up with your brain. You can get there.

What if there are things that I don't like about myself?

We all have things about ourselves that we would like to improve, right? It is a natural thing and to be expected. You know what is awesome and empowering, though? You can change them! Character traits aren't permanent but are fluid, as they change and grow as we mature and go through different stages in life. You can make an intentional effort to change the things that are undesirable and be who you truly want to be in your life. How do you want to be remembered? What would you want people to say about you?

This is an ongoing process that can be learned with some specialized tools and with the help of a professional therapist.

What if others judge me?

What is holding you back from being your true authentic self? Often times people will say that they are afraid of being judged. Why? What makes that scary? It is important to examine your thought patterns and try to determine the reasons that this could be a hang-up for you and how to effectively learn to cope with the concern. It is likely fueled by anxiety and can be managed with some perspective shifts and coping skills. Does it really matter what they think? Will it have an effect on your life?

How do I put my true self out there?

When faced with a social situation in which you are engaging in conversations with people, always stop and think, "Am I being my true self?" Are you saying things that are true and line up with your value system? Are you sharing things about yourself that are honest? Are you holding anxiety about the situation or are you able to loosen up and feel somewhat comfortable with being who you are? Are you having fun? These are some of the things you can ask yourself in the moment if you are struggling with how to let the real you shine through! Consider this: you are not spending time thinking about what others are saying or doing and judging them because all of your thoughts are centered around yourself…..isn't it fair to assume that they are doing the same?

What if they still don't like me?

If someone has negative thoughts or opinions about you, why do you want to be with them? Isn't it more meaningful to be with someone who knows and loves the real you? We are all different and unique individuals with our own preferences so everyone is not going to be a good match for you…..and that's okay. Once you recognize that it is okay if others don't like you, it might be much easier to let it go. There are plenty of other people out there to get to know and to choose from!

Maybe I can do this!

You can absolutely do this! You can learn how to most effectively love your true self and put those positive vibes out there for all the word to see. A person who is truly satisfied and fulfilled with who they are, is a person that is undeniably infectious. Those who know them feel comfortable around them because they are comfortable with themselves. Work with a licensed counselor today to learn more about increasing your self-esteem and learning how to be more confident that others will love you as much as you love yourself!


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