Relationships And Stress: How To Manage In A Healthy Way

Medically reviewed by Majesty Purvis
Updated March 25, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team
Content warning: Please be advised, the below article might mention trauma-related topics that include abuse which could be triggering to the reader. If you or someone you love is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7. Please also see our Get Help Now page for more immediate resources.

Relationships can often cause or contribute to stress, which can further strain relationships. Pinpointing the underlying causes of stress in your relationship can make it easier to resolve concerns, and learning stress-management strategies can improve your symptoms. 

If you and/or your partner find it difficult to manage stress on your own, a licensed couple’s therapist can help. Read on to explore healthy supportive strategies that can help all members of your relationship to manage stress effectively. 

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People in all relationships experience stress

What causes stress in relationships?

Everyone can experience stress occasionally, and there are many stressors that can impact relationships. These might include the following: 

  • Finances: Differences in spending habits, income disparities and expensive bills can strain relationships. If you resonate with this form of stress, you might consider...

    • Determining whether bills should be split evenly, or if one partner can afford to pay more. 
    • Implementing spending rules for expensive items (especially if you share a joint account).
    • Alternating who pays for date nights or using a joint account for shared expenses.   
    • Thinking about setting aside time to have a financial check-in each month. 
  • Cheating: Infidelity can cause a lot of stress, and can put you at a higher risk of experiencing depression, anxiety disorders, low self-esteem and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). A couple’s therapist can help many to rebuild trust.
  • Children: Growing a family can impact many areas of life, including finances, sleep and the availability of free time. Different approaches to parenting, having multiple children or a child with special needs, may cause additional parenting stress. Increased social support from friends, family and neighbors can help.
  • Distrust: Trust can be an important element of healthy relationships, with a lack of trust possibly leading to jealousy and emotional abuse. Working on communication and forgiveness can help those in committed relationships regain trust and strength. However, there are some times when it may be better to leave the relationship.
  • Sexual dissatisfaction: Some conditions, such as erectile dysfunction, can increase relationship stress and dissatisfaction. 
  • Work stress: Work stress can be brought home and misdirected at loved ones. Additionally, work preoccupation can reduce time spent engaging in a relationship. Online therapy can help many to find balance. 
Talking with a therapist can help you determine if you want to continue a relationship with someone who broke your trust.

To handle work stress more effectively, the APA recommends trying a range of healthy coping strategies—such as exercise, learning a new hobby, reducing caffeine and alcohol consumption, practicing mindfulness, reaching out to a therapist and setting boundaries around checking your email or answering calls after hours.

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Tips for handling relationship stress

Stress can be a fact of life for most people, but it doesn’t have to harm your relationship. Making a plan to handle stress together can improve the strength and resilience of your relationship. 

Here are a few ways you can do this, starting today: 

Work on communication skills

Stress can increase irritability and argumentativeness. Passive aggression, avoidance, hostility, social withdrawal and excessive alcohol use can all be maladaptive coping mechanisms for stress that can harm relationships. 

Journaling about your feelings, setting aside dedicated time to talk with your partner, using “I” language to talk about how you feel, listening to your partner intently and working on conflict resolution can help you avoid anger, yelling and hurt feelings.

According to the American Psychological Association, disagreements and fights can be constructive if both partners practice these strategies.  

Stop misdirecting stress

Many stressors originate outside of the relationship. You might consider evaluating what is causing your stress, and communicating that to your partner instead of misdirecting your stress at them. In addition to talking with your partner about your stressors, you can try getting enough exercise and sleep, spending time outside, meditating and/or talking with a therapist. 

Having trouble doing this? The University of Colorado Boulder suggests considering the HALT acronym if you are feeling irritable or like you might lash out at your partner. We’ve summarized it below: 

  • H: Are you hungry? 
    • If so, you might feel better if you have a snack.
  • A: Are you angry? 
    • Consider going on a walk or taking some time to be alone to figure out the cause of your anger.
  • L: Are you lonely?
    • Has your partner been busy, or are you preoccupied? You could sit down with them and talk about what’s driving your feelings. 
  • T: Are you tired?
    • A nap, yoga session, or deep breathing exercise may help you feel more refreshed and at ease. 

Know how you approach conflict

People might have different styles of managing conflict. Understanding your unique approaches can help you address disagreements and stressors more constructively

Get the help you need via online therapy 

Sometimes it can be difficult to address relationship stress without outside help. A licensed couple’s therapist can be a helpful resource, as they are generally equipped with the knowledge and skills needed to help you reduce your stress and improve your relationship. For couples who find it difficult to talk openly about their relationship, online therapy from sites like BetterHelp can be preferable to in-person therapy. 

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People in all relationships experience stress

Is online therapy effective? 

Research suggests that online couples’ therapy can effectively reduce stress and conflict, while possibly positively impacting relationship satisfaction. One study focused on the experience of attending online couples therapy found data that suggests that the physical distance from therapists increased participants' sense of control and comfort. Additionally, a 2022 study out of Frontiers in Psychology found data that supports the hypothesis that online couples therapy effectively improved mental health and relationship satisfaction

Takeaway

For most couples, stress can be an unavoidable reality. However, by working together effectively, stress can help your relationship build strength and resiliency. Identifying stressors, practicing healthy communication strategies, avoiding misdirected stress and seeking out a professional to help can make managing stress easier to deal with. Research shows that online couples therapy can be just as effective as in-person methods, and many might find it less intimidating than in-person therapy.
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