Struggling To Ask For Help: Telling A Parent You Have Anxiety
Whether you’ve recently learned about anxiety or have suddenly found yourself experiencing it yourself, anxious feelings can be challenging to manage as a teenager. Like depression, anxiety is common, and many people begin to experience it during their teenage years. However, anxiety is treatable, and learning how to cope with it at a younger age can be an important skill that can help you as you move into adulthood.
One of the common challenges that you may face as a teenager is how to tell your parents you have anxiety. While this can be scary at first, know that you are not alone. In this article, we’ll look at the symptoms of anxiety and ways to talk to your parents or loved ones about your anxiety.
What is anxiety?
Situational anxiety
Most people experience the feeling of anxiety at some point in their life. For example, before doing a class presentation, you may feel anxious or afraid speaking in front of people. In these situations, after the situation that’s causing anxiety is addressed, anxious feelings often begin to disappear.
Major life changes can also result in anxiety, especially if they feel imposed on you against your will. If you’ve recently experienced a shift affecting your lifestyle, such as a familial divorce or loss of a loved one, it’s possible that you are experiencing anxious thoughts and feelings. These major changes can make you aware of aspects of life that you hadn’t thought of before and can make you feel worried, sad, or stressed. It’s common to experience painful feelings like anxiety during such life changes.
Anxiety disorders
Anxiety disorders, however, can result in persistent anxious thoughts that can make even a small event seem like a big deal. It is often difficult to focus on anything but the present worry in your mind, and these feelings are sometimes accompanied by physiological responses. These physical responses can include:
- Trouble breathing
- An elevated heart rate
- Sweaty palms
- A feeling of pressure in the chest
Sometimes these symptoms are so common that you may not even realize that what is happening is not always a normal response to stress. If you find yourself feeling these symptoms frequently, you may want to talk to an online counselor. They can explore your symptoms with you and possibly provide some proven strategies and coping skills to help reduce your anxiety, regardless of the cause.
How to tell a parent or loved one that you have anxiety
If you’ve decided you want to speak to a parent or any person in your life about your anxious thoughts and feelings, you may be wondering how to begin that conversation. It can be challenging to open up a conversation around mental health, especially if it’s not commonly discussed in your household. However, doing so may feel like a big relief, and result in a deeper connection and a strong sense of support.
First, it might be helpful to remember that because anxiety is common, the person you want to talk to may have experienced it themselves at times. You might try to avoid making judgments over how they may react before the conversation. Here are some other tips that may help you start the conversation with your family.
Writing down your thoughts
Some people find it easier to speak to a loved one about anxiety or other mental health concerns if they write out their thoughts or feelings first. By clearly stating what you want to say for yourself, you might end up feeling relaxed and more prepared for going into such a conversation. You could also give these thoughts to a loved one in the form of a letter if a conversation doesn’t feel comfortable for you.
Finding the right time
You may want to find a time when your parent or loved one isn’t busy on another task and can really take in what you have to say. This could be at the dinner table, or you could schedule a time to have a conversation. Sometimes it’s as simple as going to the person and clearly asking, “Can I talk to you about something?” However, if you feel nervous about talking in person, you might find it easier to text them.
Talking to someone else first
Also, if you don’t yet feel comfortable going directly to your parents or guardian, you can go to another trusted adult in your life. If you feel at all unsafe in your home or if your parent or guardian is the one causing you anxiety or stress, it may be better to speak to one of the other adults in your life. This could be family, a school counselor, a doctor, or even a teacher.
Sometimes it can be helpful to talk to friends that you see often about feelings of anxiety. By first talking about your thoughts and feelings with peers that you trust, you might find it easier to open up to families. In fact, it’s possible that doing so can bring you closer to your friends, as they, too, may be experiencing anxiety.
You’re not alone
Even if it may feel like it sometimes, you are not alone in experiencing anxiety. Anxiety disorders are among the most common types of mental illness in North America, and lots of other people your age are likely to have similar thoughts and feelings. Even if you feel isolated at times, there is help out there.
If you need extra help finding an answer to questions about your anxious feelings, you can visit the Child Mind Institute online. This is a nonprofit that exists to help children and teens experiencing mental health challenges and learning disabilities, as well as their families. They offer free advice, and in some areas may have school programs and other support available.
Anxiety may also make you feel like you want to be alone or make you feel unsettled when you’re around other people. Though there is nothing wrong with wanting to take time on your own to recharge, being around other people can be an important aspect of development. You may begin to feel sad if you are isolated from your peers. Spending time in group settings may help you meet different kinds of people, including those who experience similar concerns. One way you might find people that you like to spend time with is to join school clubs or activities that interest you. You may also find support groups for teens who experience anxiety or other concerns.
Feelings of anxiety are common but important to address. Though anxiety may make you feel isolated or confused, talking to someone about how you feel can help give you the tools you need to cope with anxious thoughts. It’s never too soon to seek out professional help with anxiety.
BetterHelp (18+) and TeenCounseling (13-19) both offer online therapy where you can speak to a friendly counselor who can listen and offer guidance for your particular situation. You can talk to a therapist completely online, which may be helpful if you’re experiencing anxiety or can’t get to a counselor’s office.
With TeenCounseling, you can meet with a professional therapist on your laptop, your tablet, or even your phone. Online therapy has been shown to be just as effective as in-person therapy for teens, and it may give you the chance to understand your anxiety symptoms better.
Takeaway
How do you explain anxiety to your parents?
It is likely the best way to explain anxiety to your parents is to be honest and open about what you are experiencing. Teens face a lot of stress, and helping them manage it is part of a parent’s job. Despite this, many parents aren’t aware that their child is struggling and may not understand the magnitude of your concerns. Most caregivers want their children to be happy and genuinely want to help. Ask for your parent’s full attention, and tell them about how your anxiety impacts you, what you worry about, and how you have tried to address those worries.
Your parents may have guidance to offer, or they may not know how to help you immediately. If they are unsure how you should proceed, it may be worthwhile to request that you see a counselor or therapist to help you address your feelings. If your parents are unsupportive, ridicule you, or dismiss your feelings - or if you’re sure they will - strongly consider talking to a teacher, school counselor, or close relative whom you trust. Help is likely available for you, even if your parents are not supportive.
Should I tell my family I have anxiety?
Explaining anxiety to your parents or another person in the family is likely an important part of managing your symptoms. Many of the programs and treatment directions for anxiety are family-centered and tend to involve parents, siblings, and sometimes extended families. Still, telling your parents about your concerns may be challenging, even if you know they will be supportive. If you aren’t sure your parents will be supportive, or if they are a significant cause of your anxiety, it may be helpful to reach out to a teacher, school counselor, or other safe authority figure before speaking to them.
Why does my family trigger my anxiety?
There are many reasons why your family might trigger your anxiety. Not all families are supportive, and you may not have been raised in an environment of love and acceptance. Children raised in judgmental, violent, or uncaring homes are significantly more likely to develop anxiety disorders during adolescence. If you feel that your family is a major source of anxiety, it is likely worthwhile examining other sources of extra support, such as friends, relatives, or school officials.
Your family may also be dealing with anxiety or a persistent bad mood. Anxious parents can pass that anxiety to their children, and it may be difficult to avoid feeling anxious around them when they are creating an atmosphere of worry. If you think it would be appropriate, you can consider speaking to your family about their anxiety and the impact it has on you; it may be a wake-up call that treatment is necessary for you or them.
Will anxiety go away eventually?
Adolescence and young adulthood are incredibly stressful times in a person’s life. Although these periods can be filled with fun adventures and new experiences, they are also times of learning and growth, and not every lesson is fun. Anxiety is more common in young people because they have yet to learn coping strategies, understand their boundaries, or recognize their anxiety triggers.
As they mature, people tend to get better at managing anxiety, and most people can manage it effectively by the time they leave young adulthood. Even if anxiety doesn’t get better or becomes worse in adulthood, anxiety disorders are highly responsive to treatment, and symptoms can likely be improved with professional help.
What should I say if someone has anxiety?
If someone tells you they have anxiety, it is likely best to offer support and withhold judgment. There is a significant stigma associated with anxiety disorders, and the person telling you about their feelings is probably taking a very vulnerable step. Let them know you are here for them (assuming you are willing to support them), and ask them how you can help. Often, people just want to talk about their worries and get reassurance from a trusted individual while they’re going through a hard time.
How do you tell someone you're struggling?
Likely, the best first step when telling someone you are struggling is to be up-front and honest about your experience. It is important you tell someone you trust to support you and care about what you feel. It doesn’t feel good when someone dismisses your feelings, so tell only those who need to know and are willing to support you.
You don’t have to embellish or try to gain sympathy from the other person. Describe your feelings honestly, and ask for the help you need. If you’re looking for advice or guidance, let them know. Many people won’t offer solutions unless requested explicitly.
Why am I so shy in front of my parents?
If you feel shy in front of your parents, it is possible they have not made you feel accepted in the past. They may not approve of some elements of your identity or have rigid standards about how you should think, feel, and behave. It is also possible you have an insecure attachment to your parents, either because they have been too strict, put you down, or do not provide a stable home.
While a lack of acceptance might make you feel shy in front of your parents, it is possible they do not know the impact it is having on you. Some parents accept their children but struggle to demonstrate it, especially to teenagers who already tend to be shyer than adults. If you’re shy in front of your parents but feel like they genuinely love and accept you, it may be worthwhile to discuss your feelings with them and ask for an honest discussion about how you can feel more accepted.
If you're experiencing shyness in front of your parents and it doesn't seem related to difficulties or trauma within the family, it's essential to consider individual differences and personal temperament as potential factors. Shyness can also be influenced by various external factors, such as social experiences outside the family environment or innate personality traits. Exploring these aspects may provide a more comprehensive understanding of your shyness in different contexts.
Should I tell my friends about my anxiety?
When discussing your anxiety, you should consider telling anyone you believe to be supportive and worthy of your trust. Like many mental health issues, anxiety comes with a significant degree of stigma, meaning not everyone is supportive of those with anxiety disorders. However, anxiety also typically improves with positive social interaction and support from others, and it is important to lean on your support network when necessary.
It is likely best to begin by telling one or two close, trusted friends about your anxiety. Not every friend needs to know about your anxious feelings, but seeking support from just a couple of people may make it easier to seek support from others and start feeling better.
- Previous Article
- Next Article