What Not To Say To Your Therapist
Therapy is generally a safe space where you can feel comfortable discussing what your thoughts and feelings are with a therapist to foster a sense of shared understanding. Still, there may be a few things it may be best to avoid saying or doing during your first therapy session, and clarity can help. Working closely with your therapist can help you clarify your boundaries. It is not unusual for a therapist to help identify what’s most productive to share, and many therapists will encourage your honest self-reflection.
Your therapy journey: What to say and what to avoid
In our collective understanding, demanding prescription medication, believing the therapists are going to “cure” you, explaining every detail of your day, and failing to complete your assigned homework may also be counterproductive to your therapy journey. Knowing what not to say to therapists is an important part of the therapy process. When you tell your therapist about what you are going through, understand that therapists are often better equipped to help you navigate your current situation. You might find many therapists telling you to never avoid a subject, encouraging what you say openly as part of your therapy journey, but these therapists also should hold space for you when you wonder, 'How do I overcome my fear of this topic?' Keep in mind that you can consult multiple therapists to refine your therapy goals. If one therapist does not feel like a good fit, seeking out other therapists that are aligned with your needs can be beneficial.
Different communication styles in therapy sessions
Let's look at a few behaviors you can avoid in order to get the most out of your therapeutic treatment and to make progress in counseling or therapy.
What not to say to your therapist or mental health care provider
Knowing what not to say to therapists can be difficult, but talking about personal matters with new therapists can be even more difficult. If your therapist asks about difficult topics, you may resist telling the truth or fail to offer up the details of the situation. However, it may help to consider how your willingness to say what's true to your therapists can foster trust. Being honest with your therapist about your experiences and feelings will prove most beneficial in the long run. When you tell therapists what you are wrestling with, it no longer becomes a question of "things you should never tell your therapist" since honesty is the best foundation for therapy, and what you say to these therapists can shape your healing.
Discuss your experiences during each treatment session
People can experience the same situation and have different responses to it. That means if you’re only telling the facts of a past situation or story with your therapist, they may not be getting the full picture. Instead, consider what you choose to say or not to say to offer comprehensive insight. When wondering "What will my therapist think?" it can be helpful to remember the best things to tell therapists are your honest experiences. Usually, when wondering "Will we still have a good therapeutic relationship after I divulge this?", it's important to remember that therapists are professionals, and this is their job. To gain the most from your therapy sessions with a therapist, share not only the facts but also your emotions, as this helps therapists to better understand and guide your personal growth. If you feel your therapist's method is not as effective as expected, consider exploring other therapists who might better suit your needs. Reflecting on what you choose to say and how your thoughts shape the therapy session can often make it more productive.
Medication: Is it okay to ask about when I'm trying to find a therapist?
Many medications can be prescribed to help people with mental health challenges. However, medication may not be the right solution for everyone. If you’re only seeing a therapist to get a prescription, you’re likely missing out on the true benefits of therapy, and you may not be able to get the medication you’re after as a therapist cannot prescribe medication. Only a psychiatrist or medical doctor can prescribe medication to you.
One of the things you should never do is take new medication without consulting your doctor. Even if medication can be an effective form of treatment for the challenges that you’re experiencing, it’s often helpful to use it along with therapy.
Integrating medication with therapy
The American Psychological Association explains that different combinations of treatment can work for different people, so it’s usually important to discuss your options with a mental health professional. Therapists typically can’t prescribe medication, so it’s important to reach out to your psychiatrist or doctor if you’re interested in utilizing medication. It’s important to always consult your doctor when making any decisions relating to medication.
Don’t expect a therapist to be the cure
Some people may have been taught the misconception that it’s the job of a therapist to “fix” each patient during therapy. While the goal is usually for each person to make progress, this does not generally mean that they were “broken” to start with.
If you expect your therapist to be able to solve all your problems for you, you may end up disappointed, as this isn’t usually how therapy works. During your therapy session, although you and your therapist will generally work together, you’re usually the one that’s doing the real inner work and driving the change, not depending solely on the therapist.
The therapist may know the right questions to ask to help you discover things about yourself, but a therapist is typically not able to do your therapy work for you. The therapist is usually there to help you find the right answers, assess solutions for yourself, and feel empowered during therapy.
Focus on feelings during the healing process
It can be important to note that building a trusting therapeutic relationship with your therapist can be valuable. Small talk and general conversation may be integral parts of this process. However, some people may use small talk with their therapist to avoid discussing the issues that brought them to therapy.
Sometimes, when someone overshares about their personal life, it’s because they are not getting to the root cause of why they are going to the therapist in the first place.
Sometimes, a question that your therapist asks may get you to talk about something that seems off-subject during therapy but does connect emotionally to you. If you feel that what you’re talking about seems unrelated but was triggered by the therapist, you might continue to explore that avenue. Deeper conversations with a therapist can illuminate emotional undercurrents you may have overlooked. Many therapists ask questions that may not seem directly connected at first but can ultimately lead to the root of the issue.
Complete the homework that might be assigned
While therapists might not call it “homework,” there will likely be times when your therapist asks you to try different things during the week between your therapy sessions. Some therapists choose to include this homework in their final thoughts at the end of each session.
Therapy homework can help you continue to make progress between your sessions with therapists, especially when you may avoid addressing a topic during the session. If you forget or purposefully fail to do what the therapists have asked, it may slow any progress that you could be making.
Develop a constructive relationship
Therapy can be an excellent way to address a variety of mental health concerns, but sometimes, traditional in-office therapy is not easy to fit into your schedule, especially if you live a busy life. You may find that the convenience of online therapy makes it simpler for you to make time to go to regular therapy sessions.
Most online therapy adheres to the same rules as other conversations you may have with a therapist in-person but from the comfort of your own home.
What not to say to your therapist in online therapy
As this study explains, online therapy can be as effective as traditional therapy in treating many mental health disorders. Therapists are here to support you. If you believe you’d benefit from working with licensed mental health therapists, please get the help you deserve through therapy.
Therapy can take place in the comfort of your own home, not just in therapists' offices. While family members may offer unsolicited advice, they usually do not have the training of professional therapists. Finding the right therapists may help you with any mental health condition you are experiencing and greatly improve your life.
Takeaway
While there can be many subjects or maybe one particular topic you feel comfortable discussing in therapy, there may also be a few things that could be counterproductive to your mental health goals. If you’re wondering what you should never tell your therapist, you may wish to avoid saying and doing the following things during therapy:
- Lying to your therapist or telling half-truths; always try to be honest with your therapist
- Discussing the facts of a situation without delving into your related emotions
- Asking for prescription medication without any prior knowledge
- Believing your therapist can and will “cure” you
- Thinking about what you should never tell your therapist and keeping that to yourself
- Talking about every detail of your day to avoid discussing uncomfortable topics
- Not completing homework assignments your therapist has assigned you
- Deciding you should never tell your therapist an important fact related to a story
- Deciding you should never tell your therapist things that may not make you look "good" to them
If you’re interested in speaking with a mental health professional, you may find that online therapy is a good fit for you. A convenient and affordable online therapy platform can help you build a constructive relationship with a licensed therapist.
What's an example of something you shouldn't tell your therapist?
In therapy, it is typically valuable to speak honestly and openly with a therapist, however, there are some conversation topics that may fall into the category of what not to say to your therapist. For instance, try respecting a counselor during sessions, not calling them names, shouting at them, or belittling them. Try remembering that success in a mental health journey can often rely on the effort that a person contributes during sessions. Being open and honest with a counselor can directly impact your success in this journey.
Is it okay to not tell your therapist everything? What should you avoid saying to your therapist?
You can decide how much you want to tell a therapist. It can often take time to feel comfortable discussing very personal matters with a new person, especially if you haven't participated in therapy before or if you had a negative experience with the last therapist. However, your therapist can only work with the details you give them, so giving them an accurate picture of what’s going on can directly contribute to your success in therapy. If you remain guarded with your therapist and refuse communication openly and honestly with them, you may not be able to make mental health progress. Being vulnerable by sharing your unfiltered thoughts with the provider can help them understand you as a person better.
What not to say to your therapist if you don't want them to judge you?
Typically, you can speak freely and openly during sessions with therapists, without feeling worried about being judged. Part of therapists' jobs are listening without judgement to their clients' thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Therapists receive specialized training that can help these therapists control or cancel out their own opinions regarding their clients' situations. Unless you express concerns about harming yourself or others, therapists are required to keep information discussed in sessions to themselves.
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