Can bullying be unintentional?

Bullying continues to be a growing problem in our society. There so many opinions on what bully is and isn’t. Some people believe that it is kids being kids. Some think that the bullied party is being too sensitive. Others believe that bullying is wrong no matter what, and all should be punished. Very few consider that the bullying act was unintentional or accidental, but this is possible. 

Bullying is defined as a willful intent to cause harm to another person, whether in-person or on any electronic device. However, when a person feels bullied, their definition is based on how the words and behaviors make them feel.

HURT FEELINGS

All of us have been on both sides of unintentional bullying. We may have commented about someone’s outfit we did not like or laughed at and highlighted an embarrassing moment; or been on the receiving end of these. There was no intent to inflict harm on the individual, and it was an isolated incident, but their feelings were hurt, and they felt bullied. Often, in these situations, the bullied individual laughs off or disregards the incident, so it is unknown to all parties that there were hurt feelings. Hurt feelings usually define most situations for us. If a loved one says something that hurts our feelings, we assume they are angry with us. Feelings are subjective, leading to bullying cases that are not only unintentional but do not meet the criterion for bullying. 

ISOLATED INCIDENTS

One criterion for an incident to qualify as bullying is the behavior has to be repeated over time. Many times, isolated incidents of bullying are accidental and unintentional. For example, teenagers playing around making fun of each other make fun of something the other person is insecure and sensitive about. This has never happened before, and the person never plans to do it again. Even though the individual feels bullied that one time, it was unintentional and believed to be good fun. 

NO GOOD DEED

Sometimes unintentional bullying happens in the midst of trying to do a good deed. A group of friends wanted to help their friend feel better about herself, so they posted many beautiful pictures of her compared to other girls and asked others to comment. Some of the comments were hurtful, and the positive comments turned out to be cruel towards the other girls in the post. The group of friends were trying to do something nice and wound up creating a cyberbullying situation. 

Bullying accusations are slippery slopes that can lead to actual bullying and should be examined on a case-by-case basis.