How to move on from an abusive relationship while dealing with anxiety?

Hi there,

First of all, my heart goes out to you! It sounds like an incredibly difficult time that you experienced! 

It makes sense to feel like you can't trust men after experiencing a relationship like you did. I think the sinister thing about emotional and verbal abuse is that it can be so subtle at first and then grow until we feel trapped (and as you said "controlled"). Obviously, I don't know the details of what you experienced, but I'm glad you were able to identify how wrong it was and get out of the relationship. Even so, the scars from that experience still impact you--years later. It really sounds like a trauma that you experienced, and my approach to helping you would be similar to trauma treatment. The process of healing for you will likely involve processing everything that you experienced as you are ready, finding ways to help you feel safe in your relationships now, discussing where things went wrong before and how that impacted you, reviewing what ongoing sensitivity you have that affects current or future relationships, and making sure that you have appropriate grounding skills to help you self-soothe when you get triggered (not necessarily in that order!). Although your situation may not fit the textbook definition of "trauma," it sounds like the effect on you was fairly similiar, and trauma treatment is not something that is quick or necessarily easy, but it can be so valuable. 

On top of the relationship, the generalized anxiety disorder adds a layer of complication, for sure (anxiety is already a by-product of experiencing abuse, but yours is probably amplified). You would likely benefit from learning ways to manage your anxiety--learning grounding skills and relaxation skills that you can practice on a regular basis along with processing ways that your thoughts impact your feelings of anxiety. Cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT) is one of the top evidence-based treatments for anxiety, and this generally involves addressing both your thoughts and your behaviors and how those can impact your anxiety. Sometimes without realizing it, we can get carried away in unrealistic thought patterns that are not helpful and that only lead us further down the path of anxiety. Being aware of this and trying to keep our thoughts in check is a key part of recovery from anxiety. 

I hope that this answer is helpful to you and gives you an idea of my approach to treatment! Regardless of where you end up, I wish you the best in your healing journey, and I am glad that you are exploring therapy and trying to find the right fit in a therapist.