What bullying isn’t?

Asked by Anonymous
Answered
04/28/2021

This is such a great inquiry because as bullying and bullying are becoming more mainstream, people are misinterpreting and misusing the terminology. Bullying, by definition, is utilizing intimidation and force, making someone do something they don’t necessarily want to do as if they feel they do not have any choice. A perfect example is seen via mafia members. Another example much more commonplace would be a child bullying another child into giving them their lunch each day at school. Actual bullying is a crisis among schools and neighborhoods.

Name-calling and emotional and verbal abuse

When a person tears down another through the use of name-calling and verbal aggression, many people describe this as bullying, and while a bully can use it in the form of tearing someone down, it is not bullying per se. However, the treatment is just as concerning and serious and is often practiced by someone considered a bully. Many people misinterpret innocent teasing or sarcasm as bullying as well. While some people do not want to engage in any of this kind of back-and-forth with people, it is not technically bullying. It is, however, annoying into a more sensitive human being, can be construed as upsetting and affect esteem that is trying to be developed.

Norms

Concerning communication, teasing, sarcasm, bullying, aggressive language, emotional and verbal abuse, there doesn’t seem to be a need for much of this between people who love and care for each other. Innocent play and teasing between friends who have a very strong connection and bond which can manage it psychologically seem OK. But a rule of thumb to follow would be to manage relationships without these things, especially those considered abusive. If there is a desire to tease, ensure that both sides are on the same playing field with respect to how each person feels about this! Unfortunately, this society connects being able to handle teasing (and in some cases) even bullying as a form of strength, but this is not true.

(M.Ed., MA, LPC)