Where does abuse come from?

All behaviors are learned. Much of what we know comes from what we were exposed to growing up. Older generations pass things down to us all of the time. Some things are genetic, such as eye color or hair texture. Other things are social, like family traditions. These are things that can have positive impacts on our behavior. Unfortunately, it is also possible to inherit negative things from older generations, such as abuse. 

Generational abuse is abuse that crosses generational family lines. This occurs when one family member takes the violence they have experienced and passes it to another family member. Often, a parent can pass this abuse on to their child. For example, a child whose abuse is disguised as “discipline” may also “discipline” their children in the same way, or a child who a family member sexually abuses may be told to keep it a secret, and when they have a child themselves, they may teach them to respond the same way when something similar happens to them. A child who grew up in a controlling environment may regain that control by behaving the same way towards their own children. This is generational abuse, and it can be very difficult to break the cycle.

Not every victim of abuse goes on to abuse their own children. However, some statistics show a link between being abused and becoming an abuser. According to the American Society for the Positive Care of Children, roughly 30% of child abuse victims will continue the cycle of abuse with their own children. This is because we first learn how to interact with people by interacting with our parents. This is the first real relationship that we form. It impacts our behavior for the rest of our lives, whether we like it or not. 

While breaking a cycle of anything can be difficult, breaking the cycle of abuse is completely possible. Knowing the signs of child abuse and recognizing them in your own life is a start. It can be difficult to accept that you were abused as a child if you have been conditioned to deny or minimize your trauma. However, recognizing the physical, mental, and emotional signs of abuse in your own life can start the process of breaking the cycle.