Where Does Bullying Come From?

Content/Trigger Warning: Please be advised that the article below might mention trauma-related topics that include types of abuse that could be triggering.

Bullying, like most behaviors, is largely learned. People learn behaviors, such as bullying, by seeing others exhibit these same behaviors and/or receiving rewards by doing them themselves. Bullying comes from an imbalance in power, whether associated with a difference in a person’s size, reputation, rank, wealth, or social status. People tend to keep doing things that give them favorable results, so if they feel that they benefit from bullying and do not experience negative consequences, they will likely continue to bully.

Many people who bully have experienced a sense of low power and control in their lives, whether that is a result of being bullied themselves, having been abused, having been neglected, or feeling unappreciated. Many bully people have low self-esteem and attempt to feel better about themselves by putting another person down.

Some bullies hold onto a great deal of anger, and because of difficulty expressing that anger, they find satisfaction in bringing displeasure to others. Others bully to try to impress their friends, and others bully to try to improve their self-esteem. Consequently, while it is important that the person bullied receives support, it is also important for the person to inflicting the bullying to receive help. Until the underlying issues that contribute to bullying are addressed and the bully learns new methods for coping with challenging feelings, they may continue to result in bullying as a strategy for coping with internal pain. Unfortunately, a bully may have multiple victims at once or bully one person and then another. The bullying is not motivated by the person being bullied but rather by the bully’s own struggles.

Some underlying mental health disorders may be associated with bullying. These could include Conduct Disorder, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, and Major Depressive Disorder, to name a few. Again, many children who bully come from unhappy home environments where they may witness and/or experienced abuse within the family or feel neglected or unwanted. However, since bullying is a learned behavior, new behaviors can also be learned. A person who bullies can work on expressing their feelings appropriately and developing empathy for others.