How can I let go of my anger?

Hi there,

Thanks for your question. I hope that my answer can shed some light on some steps you can take to better manage your anger and give you some things to reflect on. Here are my thoughts.

-It is a typical habit for people to unload their emotions on those closest to them because they are able to be most vulnerable around them. However, those are the people that we likely want to hurt or cause frustration to the least. Since you are already self-aware that this is a characteristic of yours, I think it will be helpful to start drawing awareness to your anger and when you are experiencing it around those you love. Sometimes when we are quick to anger, we go from 0 to 100 without ever recognizing that we're speeding up. The challenge will be to recognize when you are starting to feel this anger creeping in and utilize a coping strategy before you start moving too quickly. These strategies can include deep breathing, walking away from the situation or removing yourself from whatever is making you angry, asking for space from whoever is around you so that you don't take it out on them, or asking not to talk about something if that seems to be the point of frustration. Doing so can help you create boundaries in the moment, and I think will help with alleviating the immediate stress that anger can put on you and those around you. 

While those are good ways to cope with anger in the moment, I think there are some other things that you can do to help yourself. An important step in taking control of anger is to recognize triggers. Do certain people tend to set you off? Certain situations (traffic, work, challenges at home)? Sometimes you can be intentional about avoiding these when possible. Of course, when it can not be avoided, it can still be helpful to know prior to having to be in that situation that it's something that may upset you and you can then prepare yourself mentally. Often, we let our emotions take control when they catch us off guard or we are not expecting them. If you can prepare yourself for a situation that makes you angry, like knowing you will be sitting in traffic when you leave work, you can come to acceptance of the situation and even help yourself make it better to cope (putting on your favorite music, grabbing a drink to take with you for the long ride, etc.). If you don't do this, then you set yourself up for failure by allowing the anger to win (i.e. sitting in traffic being grumpy without your music or a drink to keep you feeling better). The same kind of planning and preparing can be applied to other situations then tend to trigger you. This may look like setting boundaries with loved ones about how much time you spend with them or what you are willing to talk about with them or even having a plan to leave or step away if you feel you need to. 

Additionally, I think it could benefit you to try incorporating some relaxation and mindfulness techniques into your day just to help improve overall emotional management. Things like meditating even a few minutes a day or journaling about what is making you angry, can be so impactful. Self-care is also very important in ensuring all of your different needs are being met (mental/emotional, social, spiritual, professional, psychological, etc.). When you are neglecting certain areas of your life, that can affect your emotions and can also influence what triggers you. 

I hope my answer was helpful and provided you with some things to start incorporating. If you don't feel it was helpful or are looking for more assistance with navigating through this anger, I always think it can be helpful to speak with a mental health professional who can provide you with a more individualized approach and treatment plan. Good luck and I hope you start feeling improvement soon. Take care!

Cory Bedtke, LCSW