How do I process the anger that my spouse abducted our children on our anniversary?

My spouse took our children and left. I have not seen or heard from them in 10 days. How do I cope until they return? I have a lawyer, a therapist and a policeman who have all recommended this course of action, but it hurts.
Asked by Lucy
Answered
11/29/2021
Hi Lucy, I am glad you are reaching out during this time. I am incredibly sorry to hear the experience you are going through, I am hoping your therapist is a source of support for you. The pain will not disappear, and I know you know that. I am wondering what you are doing for self-care? When I say self-care, how are you taking care of yourself? Are you eating well, are you trying to sleep (I realize this may be difficult at times), are you exercising? Are you able to pamper yourself with something extra? I say this because when they do return, I want you to have the energy to deal with the situation. While a temporary solution, exercising may be helpful in getting some of that extra adrenaline out. I am also wondering about any support groups for people who have had similar situations? Have you done a search for them on line to see what you can find? There is something called the Anger Iceberg and what that says is that our anger is what other people see, however, the anger covers up what I call uncomfortable emotions. It covers up the pain, the betrayal, the hurt, the depression, and so many other emotions. Most people would rather feel the anger instead of those other emotions because the anger gives us an adrenaline rush. Have you thought about writing or journaling what you want to say (but may not because it is inappropriate) and then burning it? Something that will help you get that additional anger and emotion out so you do not hold onto it. Sometimes when we dwell and ruminate on things, we are re-enforcing the anger, making it worse. I hope that makes sense. If you were to draw your anger, what would it look like? I do not know what type of person you are or what you enjoy, I am trying to come up with something out of the ordinary that would help you. There is something called mindfulness, which is being in the moment with all five of your senses, While difficult, I encourage you to try and stay focused in the moment instead of all the "what if" scenarios that may be running through your head. I wish you the best of luck and for a safe return for everyone.
(LISW-CP, LCSW-C, LCSW)