Do I have social insecurity or am I just an introvert?
Asked by Adrien
Answered
12/13/2022
Hello,
Great to meet you this is a great question and one I have come across a few times in my practice. It's so helpful to have a clear goal and it sounds as though you have one. I always try to practice my goals when I am feeling in the best possible space and be kind to myself when I am struggling to achieve the goals I want to. SMART goals can be a helpful way to take these tasks on, and it is really wise to talk about these with a therapist or even a friend. Sometimes the act of verbalizing the concern is enough to take away its hold over you.
One of the things that is really helpful to consider is when we try to step out of our comfort zones, which by the way is a really healthy thing to do, is to do this in really really small increments, (I always divide by 12 steps and see if it possible to divide step one into 12 steps further!). This sounds a little over the top, I do recognize this, but it can be amazing to understand exactly how much we are taking on. Most of the time we want to jump from low level anxiety to feeling able to hold a really high anxiety task with ease. This is not a realistic expectation of ourselves, and we would probably not expect it of others. This can also set us up to fail and gives our inner critic even more ammunition. I cant emphasize enough how much to break this task down into much smaller steps, and take these on slowly.
When we are feeling depressed or anxious we are moving out of the present into the past or the future, and this makes fun really hard to achieve. It can be worth learning some mindfulness techniques to see if this can help you consciously learn how to come back to the present, there is an app that is free for a year at the moment called Balance, also Headspace can be helpful in achieving this.
I also really encourage my clients to take stock of the steps that they have already made and continue to build the assets you have, with time and practice you will achieve your goal.
Great to meet you and take care,
Neil.
NCPS, BACP