Help me, I think I have an Ocd, what should I do? I always feel I am unhappy, I can't do anything.

hi! thank you very much for your inquiry. If you have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), you may find yourself trying to figure out how you can stop having OCD thoughts. You are not alone. However, what many people with OCD do not realize is that the distressing thoughts they experience are not necessarily something that they have (or can have) control over. While this fact might initially make you feel stressed, understanding how your OCD thinking works and why it happens will help you develop more effective ways to cope. Around 94% of people have the occasional odd (or even disturbing) thought pop into their heads on a daily basis.Referred to as “intrusive thoughts,” these strange happenings are actually normal, and most people don’t even notice them. The problem is when these thoughts become not just intrusive but obsessive. A person with OCD can experience intrusive thoughts relentlessly and with an intensity that can seriously affect their well-being. Rather than having a neutral response to a passing thought, a person with OCD experiences a response in their mind and body. The more they perseverate on the thought, the more anxiety they experience. The cycle can be distressing and may impact their ability to function.

You may not be able to control whether an intrusive thought pops into your head, but you can control how you react to it. If you have OCD and struggle with intrusive thoughts, here is some key information about why these thoughts happen and how you can learn to cope with them. People with OCD may believe that simply thinking about something disturbing (such as molesting a neighbor or killing their spouse) is morally equivalent to carrying out such an act. This is called thought-action fusion, and it is one reason that intrusive thoughts are more distressing for people with OCD.As another example, someone with OCD might believe that just having a thought about getting into a car crash or contracting a serious disease makes it more likely that these events will happen. They may even believe that if they have the thought, it means the event will happen—unless they do something to prevent it. Instead of letting their thoughts come and go, people with OCD take personal responsibility for the thoughts they have. They also tend to interpret these thoughts as being more significant than they really are.

Perceiving thoughts as being urgent and important makes a person feel that they must immediately act on or respond to them in the “right” way. A person with OCD may develop compulsions in response to their obsessive thoughts. These actions and behaviors are an attempt to alleviate the distress the thought causes. Compulsions can be a little like superstitions for people with OCD. Often, a person realizes that the behaviors are not rational (this is known as insight), but the fear of what they believe will happen if they do not perform them is compelling. Completing a ritual temporarily relieves the anxiety, but keeps a person stuck in the cycle because it reinforces the obsessive thinking. For example, a person who obsesses about their home burning down while they are at work might compulsively check that the stove is off before they leave the house every day. They may believe that if they do not complete the ritual (for example, checking a certain number of times or checking in a specific order), their home will be in danger. When they return home at the end of the day to see that their house has not burned down, it reinforces the belief that their ritual of checking was protective. If a person with OCD believes that their intrusive thoughts are dangerous, they may try to closely monitor them. It may feel like necessary vigilance, but the intensity with which someone monitors their own thinking can easily become hypervigilance.

Once a person labels a certain thought as dangerous and becomes hyperaware of it, they can become overwhelmed. When this happens, they might respond by trying to push the thought away. While it might seem like a good solution, it’s not easy—and it doesn't necessarily work. Research has shown that the cycle of monitoring and thought suppression in people with OCD can lead to the development of more obsessive thoughts.

Accepting the thoughts does not mean you are giving up. Understanding that you do not have control does not mean you are giving the intrusive thoughts control over you. The first step you take might be to simply pause when the thought comes up rather than immediately responding to its urgent demand. It might be uncomfortable to consider the thought from a distance and resist the urge to perform a ritual. Over time, defusing your obsessive thoughts this way can actually help you feel more in control. Once you are able to put some space between you and your thoughts, you can start to look at them more objectively. Then, you can figure out what triggers the thoughts and take a closer (but non-judgmental) look at how you react. Try not to be too hard on yourself or get discouraged during this process. It takes practice to distance yourself from your thoughts. Obsessive thinking is intense and persistent by nature. Sometimes, instructing yourself not to think about a thought only brings more attention to it. It’s very much like what happens when someone tells you not to think of a specific thing, and suddenly all you can think of is that very thing. The intrusive thoughts you experience are not necessarily a reflection of who you are, but when they become obsessive, they can be influenced by the things that cause you the most worry and anxiety. Moreover, your thoughts do not necessarily say anything about you. Having a “bad” thought does not mean that you are a “bad” person. Try to remember that intrusive thoughts do not always align with your core values, beliefs, and morals. In fact, OCD thoughts tend to attack and focus on the things that offend you. The same can be true for intrusive thoughts that cause fear, which tend to be based on what you are most concerned about (for example, the health and safety of their family).

People with OCD can feel an overwhelming amount of fear and guilt about the intrusive thoughts they experience. They may also experience deep shame, embarrassment, and even self-hatred. Try to be kind and patient with yourself. Remember that everyone experiences intrusive thoughts at times, and they are not something you are expected to be in control of. It is a good practice to recognize the intrusive thought or feeling you are having, but that does not mean you have to identify with it. Once you accept that you cannot completely control the thoughts, you can start by building the habit of acknowledging them without letting them take control. 

hopefully that helps! Take care, know that you are not alone, and feel free to reach out to a BetterHelp therapist for extra aid.