How can I heal from traumas I don’t remember?

Hi there, I am glad that you reached out.

It is often common when we experience trauma that we have trouble recalling specific memories of the event or recalling the event entirely. Our brains have a protective mechanism that will kick in and make it difficult to remember things that were painful or traumatic because it wants to protect you from having a painful or overwhelming emotional response. This is normal though it can be frustrating when you are trying to recall and understand what has occurred in your life that causes you to think, feel and act a certain way.

I would definitely recommend that you seek out a counselor to help you to safely begin to recall some memories about past trauma. It will also be important to reduce any current depression or anxiety because that will make it more difficult to recall past distressing memories if you are already feeling distressed. Your body and mind typically have to be in a calm and stable place for the most part to begin to be able to allow things that were traumatic to come to the surface. Working with a counselor on ways to reduce depression and anxiety and the toxic behaviors that you mentioned will be key for your body and mind to feel calm enough to begin to process things from the past.

There are coping skills that you can use in the meantime for anxiety such as deep breathing, exercising, meditation and self care (ensuring that you get enough sleep, eating healthy foods and drinking enough water, etc). There are also numerous apps that you can download that help with anxiety as well as videos online with tips about anxiety.

You have had a lot of changes in your life recently and that is always going to come with a certain amount of anxiety and uncertainty. Acceptance of this can be very powerful and helpful to reduce your fear and anxiety about those issues. I would recommend that you look up podcasts, articles, videos, etc. on acceptance and work to accept the changes that you have been going through as a way to process them. 

I hope this helps and I wish you all the best!